My husband had a stroke but i am not happy with his treatment

It was a shock when my husband had a stroke, 1/11/23. I did not know what to do and I was not informed that he was transfer to another hospital . In our local hospital the nurses are always busy or rude and communicate is always avoided. My husband is very depressed because he does not like being in hospital . Now they treating him for depression .new meds that i am not happy with. I am not well and I am so stressed. the psychiatrist are always talking to him and after they visit he is more depressed. all this stress put me in hospital with an asthmatic attack. I go everyday to visit and after I complained now everyone is super friendly to me but still not very respectful to me husband , i feel so sad and hurt , i am seeking help but just feel like i am so lost and noone care about the fact that my husband is just afraid and he hates hospitals. he has a stroke he needs support physiotherapy and respect he is not getting better there the meds making him worst.

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Hello Shani @TrevorNaidoo

Welcome to the community on this forum. I hope you find this band of #StrokeThrivers (those who have survived a stroke and their carers) to be as supportive and empathetic as I and many others have .

There are many folk here who know how frightening, disorienting and depressing the aftermath of a stroke is for a whole family. I’m sure they’ll be by before long to offer insight and support.

None of us are medically trained so we couldn’t know if the meds your husband is being given of the most appropriate. I do know that it took me a while to adjust to mine and I’ve read lots of other people on here have had to go back to the medical team to have either dose or drug altered. Why do you feel unhappy about what he has been given?

I think the hospital staff especially nurses and care assistants are in a high pressure environment: I’m sure they don’t mean to be rude - I found all of mine responded well to a friendly tone voice and a smile and I remember that that wasn’t something I felt like I had a big supplier of initially

The med profession recognise person whose brain was affected directly but is a little slower at responding to those nearby like spouses and carers & yet they are they (you) Have equal but different needs. My wife found a local carers support group called vocal I think she located them via the GP. If you’re having asthma attacks through stress then some assistance seems called for and GP would be a place to get a referral .

As far as your husband needs are you might find 40 things to know: what would you underline add or delete has some good advice. And if he is up to reading this forum is packed full of our stories and the things we wish we had been told at the beginning

Keep visiting and reading and posting and I’m sure the community will give you support



@TrevorNaidoo Hi & welcome to the forum. Sorry to read about your husbands situation. Have you tried asking for a meeting with the consultant so you can get them to explain what’s happening & why? If you don’t get anywhere with that you xan always try going through PALS who will look into things for you. I would also ask why he isn’t getting any physio. It may be that it is too soon yet but you could do some things with him; depending on the level of his ability at the moment.

It can take a while for depression type meds to settle down & people often get a bit worse before they improve.

Anxiety is common for both the individual who’s had the stroke & for their loved ones. Try & find ways to reduce your anxiety. Easier said than done I know.

Best wishes


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hello and thanks for the support. I did complain to PALs and now the hospital are being super friendly and even husband is feeling better that people are talking to him. the dr talked and exlained how we can move forward and Trevor need to eat and do some physio and we plan to send him home so i am happy . trevor is eating trying different foods . his taste and smell is affectedi think . he had a left brain stroke so right side hand and leg is paralizes and his speech as well . he says he cannot see well or smell or taste that why he dont like to eat . i am on a mission to get him all his favourites and he will like something


That sounds more positive. It shouldn’t take a complaint to get to that stage though.

Stroke can affect taste & smell. Some of my favorite foods suddenly tasted vile. Fingers crossed his taste will start to come back. It must be difficult but he needs to try & eat even if he can’t taste it. Bringing him his favourite foods might just help.

Good luck & i hope he’s on his way home very soon.



Glad stuff has improved

My taste was changed by the stroke. More or less back to normal (at 3yrs).
There’s advice on encouraging good nutrition after stroke - I think the stroke association website has stuff

No guarantee but with luck -actually with perseverance - mobility and dexterity might return - I’ve got a good bit back - a long way from pre-stroke but I’m mobile and the same is true of many of us - to a greater or lesser extent - so it’s reasonable to hope the same will be true for Trevor

Thanks for giving us an giving update



thanks for all the replies. I did not know if should start a new thread then decided it may be better to just update and see if that works. so Trevor is doing so much better and talking well and has so many questions . I will like to know how long will it take for him to start having feeling in his right side. he is trying to very hard and has no movement and his speech is getting better but he is taking fast and some words are very mixed up and i feel so bad because

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sorry will continue . I feel bad because I cannot understand what he is saying . please let me know who will help me with these questions . thanks.

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Hi @TrevorNaidoo Shani
It sounds as though things are moving in the right direction. Stroke recovery though is a marathon not a sprint. Prepare yourself for the long haul and prepare Trevor too.

If he has loads of questions get him to read or even join this forum :slight_smile:

<-- Click for suggestion for putting it on his phone

If on his phone if you use a web browser and search for the title of your thread then the search engines should find it and if you scroll down to this post you should be able to tap on the link
load it onto his phone
and follow the instructions on his phone

or just use the web browser - anyone can read without joining but no one can post contributions without joining.

There aren’t any definitive answers to your questions.

It is the very likely he will improve week on week but nobody can say in a single individual case whether that rate will be glacial, snail pace, walking or galloping - different parts of him will improve at different rates and it won’t be positive every week or month - some may be negative and some just neutral. I’m having a bad week and its 3 years for me - but I’ve made good progress overall.

In my experience you’ll get even less from the medical professionals.
I don’t know if they’re instructed to be wary about being sued or experience has taught them not to say anything with content. I found the only thing I could get out of them was “I can’t say we’re all different”

I would say we are all different and the best case rapid recovery in all aspects and the worst is no recovery in any - and somewhere in the middle will be most people. Slow steady (stop start) progress

You’ll likely be able to judge from the rate of recovery so far up to about 5 to 7 months and then there will be changes but recovery won’t stop if effort is still made.

You’re likely to learn how to interpret him. ask him to slow down - but if that doesn’t work don’t keep asking. When he says something that you partially understand you might try saying “you just said x y & z and then I couldn’t work out the next bit”. Try to use his exact words. It’s quite likely his understanding isnt damaged just his speech encoding. So like this he can also learn which bits he enunciates less clearly.

Speech and language therapists should give him exercises and guidance.

I also suggest:
Don’t be afraid to keep asking him to repeat. Put the feeling of guilty aside - if you can stop having it :slight_smile:

Do you have support for yourself ?
It’s important your emotional and mental health stay healthy enough to cope with challenges for both of you


PS doesn’t matter whether you create a new thread or carry on this one - We will do our best to support you :slight_smile:

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@TrevorNaidoo it sounds like good progress is being made. As @SimonInEdinburgh says though recovery is a marathon not a sprint & you do have to be in it for the long haul.

He should get some help from speech & language therapists. If he hasn’t already been referred ask them to refer him. Try not to feel bad if you don’t understand all he says. It should get easier in time.

In relation to him getting feeling back no one can put a timeframe on it. Some recover full feeling some not much & others can go years and then all of a sudden they start to get the feeling back. Get him to keep exercising it though as it all helps to rebuild those connections. I had altered sensation & I used to just touch lots of different textures. I’d sit whilst watching TV & rub the sofa arm, a toothbrush, a hair brush, a towel, the coffee table etc etc. Eventually the sensation started to return to normal.

It’s great to hear he’s making good progress. Hopefully that will bode well for the rest of his recovery.


thanks so much . yes I am in for the long haul. I did explain to Trevor he needs to exercise and it is up to him and we don`t have to rush and in time we will be moving the hand and he was happy and is doing the exercises and eating much better now. I will ask Dr about speech and language


That all sounds positive. Good luck to you both. Look forward to hearing how he’s getting on x


hi, he is home ow but just cannot understand him he is happy to be home,

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Glad ge is happy to be home. Are there other ways you can communicate ? Writing if he’s able, sign instead of words, pictures etc. Just keep trying though as it will hopefully get easier & you’ll learn what he means when he tries to speak. Has he got a speech & language therapist?

Best wishes


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hello , He was discharged just a few days ago and he can say a few words , i do understand sometime its not words . no speech and language . one month in hosp and i asked and he only got tis man who tried to get him to eat food. but noone tried to help him with speech. he is so much happier at home. I am doing everything its xmas today and he dont want the carers as he keeps asking who they are and why they here and gets upset.
the social worker said she will get me better stroke help after xmas as all closed xmas. he is sleeping now.

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Sleep is a very good thing for stroke survivors :slight_smile:

And it might be restful for you too?

We are running a zoom cafe today- if you want to join at any point the intention is to be from 11:00 but with a focus around 4:00 p.m.
Details in Thursday and Christmas zooms

You will learn between you the communication. There are speech and language exercises online, try searching YouTube indeed there are resources for everything the challenges to pick out the good ones

I hope you have a good day and that has services come back into operation you get the support you need

Ciao Simon

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hello so i did survive xmas and new years , was so crazy as i could not sleep was so worried about him. my xmas was spent calling 999 and 111 and no help as the dr put discharged on mental health treatment as he was a bit confused and depressed when he moved hospital. they sectioned him. no stroke team and he has a caterther and all xmas and new years after he ate a little food was crying in pain.
so 27th December called his social worker i was not copying no sleep and no one to help as carers was just not helpful at all. its a two person carer team and i did everything on my own. she said call gp for home visit , after 2 hours waiting trying to get thru then on hold, gp did a call back and his advice was get him to eat some fruits he may be constipated. social worker is good. he got stroke tream ot visited said bed too smalll as husband is big and very tall and his knees was bent , so we got an extention. but the pain just got worst . so he stopped eating . 26th dec. he is very weak, he is drinking small sips of water nurses visited and said his catherer was also a bit sore and they changed it. he slept well so i got a few hour good sleep i wish i had time for that zoom as i willl have loved that , sill no speech and language , they may come this week, he feel he is better off dead as to see me so tired and doing all that he was crying. the carers was changed and 29 th dec., these new carers are GOD sent and talk to my husband with respect . he likes them so much and waits for them . i can leave the house and bought some bread and milk . and omg to feel the rain was even so refreshing as a break I love my husband so much. he was also getting angry and frustrated but spoke of our holidays and he was ok. i am so worried now as 6 days no food. and only water and some juice. will call stroke association and social worker and dr tommor. i am off sick from work again but they are being supportive

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Hi @TrevorNaidoo so sorry you’ve had such a rough Christmas, it’s heart breaking hearing of your struggles :people_hugging: :people_hugging:
Hopefully with the holiday season coming to a close now, his social worker will be able to sort out a much more suitable home care package for him now :crossed_fingers: :crossed_fingers: Keep on top of that with a phone call in the next few days in you don’t hear anything.

Seeing as the gp suggested he might be constipated, which he very well could be being bedridden, I’d suggest you try Senokot tablets.
The standard dose is 1-2 tablets at night, up to 3 doses in a week and you can only take them for a week. Check with your chemist regarding what medications he is already taking first though.

Alternatively, dose he like liquorice, if so get him any sweets with that in them such as Liquorice Torpedo’s or Liquorice Allsorts…even chocolate will get things moving.

He could do half and half, a few Liquorice sweets during the day if he can be tempted, might help tickle his tastebuds, and just one Senokot at night.
Having been in hospital a few times over the year, I’ve found their go-to laxative is always Lactulose. It’s a thick sugary syrup and it never did anything for me :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

As for him not eating, I think we all understand that one. All food and liquids were absolutely tasteless for months after my stroke. I only ate because I knew I had to, so I always made sure I cleared my plate, but I still lost a lot of weight I couldn’t afford to lose.

One thing you could try him with is Complan or Meritene. They are nutritional shakes you can get in your chemist or the supermarket. My sister worked for many years in care homes for elderly. And any new residents coming in malnourished or not eating after ops, this was the first food they were started on to get some nutrients in them, so it’s worth a try :wink: Even if he does start eating it would still be good to use them as a top-up for a time as they can also mixed into other foods.

Most importantly of all is look after yourself!
I don’t know if you ever had children, but the important tip the midwives gave me was sleep when baby sleeps…if you can. And don’t worry too much about house work, just do the bare minimum, the basics. Save your energy for taking care of yourself and your husband in that order, because he will be lost if anything happened to you :people_hugging:

So get out and about for some me time; meet up with a friend and go for a coffee/tea, take walks in the park or just around a garden centre if there’s one near by or spend an hour in the library or some shopping therapy :smile: Anything just so long as it is for you, so you can take your mind off your worries for an hour, give your mind a much needed break.

Take care of yourself and keep us updated, it’s a long slow climb to recovery, you’re going to see many ups and downs on the road along the way, but he will get there with you behind him :wink:

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Hi @TrevorNaidoo
A lot of good advice from @EmeraldEyes - I suggest you bookmark her post and read it again tomorrow and the next day .

She’s right about looking after yourself. I also suggest you look for some support for yourself. The Stroke Association Here For You service for carers could help you. You can find support groups from the Stroke Association with this link and from different strokes with this link

The zoom calls are every week so you’re welcome at the next one on Thursday and Bobby runs one as well I’m not sure if his schedule at the moment it used to be Friday at 7pm which I think is still regular. Join the forum zog group (≡ | Groups | Zog | request to join) for details

Really good news that you now have some carers who are adding to his care not to your worries


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@TrevorNaidoo sounds like things have been very tough over the Christmas period for you. When you need the services most they all shut down or provide minimum cover. It’s good that things have improved a bit in the last few days though.

When my dad wasn’t eating we pretty much fed him anything he wanted. A nutritious diet went out the window as we felt it was more important he ate something rather than nothing. You can mix things like marvel milk powder into yoghurts & tea & coffee for example. @EmeraldEyes had provided lots of good advice so i wont repeat it.

Sending you good wishes.


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