My mum and dad are divorced, dad lived in London and mum lives by me in midlands , she helps when she can but she’s poorly her self .
I think half of it is I can’t accept the stroke that’s happened to dad and how it’s took him his life away, that’s how I see it. I just want my dad back how he was before and he don’t want to live like this, I will need to sell his house on my own, ain’t even got a clue where to even start with that. I’m under a councillor now but it’s just talking, my head feels like it’s in a vice .
Well here I go again, got to go hospital as dad had a fall in care home, he is in a&e , no speech and on own, as he is on blood thinners they had to take him in by ambulance, wish me luck
I didn’t make it clear before but I myself suffered a stroke and am now cared for by my wife.
Looked at from one direction I am in a bad way. I am an old man but manually skilled and very capable. However due to being paralysed down my right side I no longer have the capability I once had. My life is now more limited than it was. I came home unable to walk, bed and chair bound.
I want you to know that this is not the end. Four years later I am still not who I once was.
But with help and support from my wife, physiotherapists, occupational therapists and my own unwillingness to give up I have slowly improved gaining a little ability and quality of life.
There have been ups and downs, it isn’t always easy, but I have something to be pleased about. I can now walk a little around the house, I can contact others on a social level through the internet. I can chat about my experiences on this forum and occasionally I can give hope to others.
About a year ago I had an assessment got a specially adjusted car and can now drive my wife to the shops. In many ways these are small things but they increase my contact with the world.
I am glad to be alive and my wife said it would be very quiet without me chattering away in the background.
So I suppose my message is, “Don’t give up”.
I can’t promise it will be easy or that there will be miracles. You will begin to find your way and be able to smile. There is a future and it is worth working towards.
best wishes to you and your family Serena.
keep on keepin on
And yes those falls do still happen. One more obstacle to be dealt with.
The hard truth is that that is not going to happen, not at his age. But he can get much better than he is! I couldn’t speak after my stroke, it was also during the lockdowns so no visitors in hospital, no one to speak for me on my behalf. And I was paralysed down my right side. But my stroke wasn’t severe, I gradually regained the use of my limbs, they were the first thing to recover in the first months…after a fashion. But speach followed in very short sentences and has gradually improved over the 5 years of my recovery. They are all still a work in progess, there’s still room for improvement but I’m mobile and independent once again. Cognition was the most noteable recovery as that just switched on like a light one day some 18 months after my stroke.
So you see, that’swhat we mean when we say recovery is slow, it’s a marathon, not a race and it years of time. Unfortunately no one can predict what will return and when. Doctors can only hazard a guess based on their very limited experience of actual recovery.
It’s hardest on you! No one likes to see their loved ones ill or incapacitated, particularly our parents, that is always scary. And it’s good that you are getting counselling for that, you need it if you not got any other family support.
So keep talking on here too, ask anything not matter how trivial or stupid you might think it is, there will always be some here to reply, even in the middle of the night! Because strokes throw out sleeping patterns too, so there’s always someone here, if only to read posts.
You have done so well taking such good care of your mum and dad, you’ve taken on all that on, on you’re own, you should be proud of all that you have achieved, I’m sure your parents must be. Now it’s time to take a little care of you and try to relax a bit. Even while you’re visiting your dad in hospital, take time to chat with some of the other patients, that can help you too, helps take your mind off your own troubles for a few minutes
I am not going to try to come up with words that might help you - I have tried and I cannot think of words I would like to use.
All I can say is we on this forum hear you and we empathise with you and we feel for you. Many of us have been there and we are here to tell the tales.
Perhaps if I share a little bit of our story it might offer you some consolation and give you hope and encouragement to deal with what you are going through. I hope so
I have just brought my Mum from a two week hospital stay after she was admitted following a bout of seizures.
Mum is a stroke survivor in her mid 90s, had her stroke in her late 80s and she has been to hospital on several occasions since her stroke.
We love Mum just as much you love your Dad and we have had to come to terms with her condition. We have had to learn that there are things we simply cannot control and much of it is down to Mum and in your case Dad plus any help they may get from the medical profession.
Mum continues to give us much joy and reciprocates the love. I am sure your Dad does the same. Will they ever be the same? The way we address this is we treat Mum as if she was the the same - she is still the same to us but only requires us to help her with some of things she used to do for her self.
By sharing our story, I hope this helps you to come to terms with your situation.
I have recently read a book which may help you.
The Chimp Paradox by Prof. Steve Peters.
I also give myself some “me” time each day when I “indulge” - you have to detach yourself from this for your peace of mind.
“Me” time is doing things for yourself - I exercise, do puzzles, do breathing exercises, cook nice things, go for short walks.
A carer can only be a carer if first and foremost they care for themselves Bottom line today is the first day of the rest of your lives - what are you going to do about it?
My dad came back last night in ambulance as I was told I can’t take him due to his confusion from the fall, we need to wait for therapist to come out and asses his walking as he is very wobbly now, the doctor said he has no damage to the part of his head he banged and I asked if he had another Tia, all she kept saying was there is no damage to the part he banged.
He kept shouting out loads at the home last night which he never does, he didn’t know what the call button was anymore, he is on a sensitive mat for chair and bed, I will go to him Christmas as he is not allowed out with me yet.
Last night was the first time I have ever had to help dad pee in bottle, I knew then there is no getting better with his stroke. It didn’t bother me at all as would do anything to help him.
He asked me to Tex my bro who I don’t get on with, I did this and he hasn’t even looked at message, again I’m on my own.
He is ok and eaten breakfast but extremely wobbly and confused terrible, he’s slipping away, I can’t stop it x
It must be very worrying for you. Just take it one day at a time and see how things go. Hopefully the therapists will be out to see him soon. It nay be that they could organise a bit of physio for him to help with the wobbliness. Did they say what is causing his confusion? You do have to push them hard for answers sometimes. Maybe speak to his GP to see if they can give you any more answers. They should get access to his discharge info. His confusion might ve temporary if he banged his head but I don’t know if that’s possible even.
With regards to your brother you have done all you can for now. Wait & see if he gets back in touch and try not to stress about him in the meantime.
Thank you so much for the help and support, never had any and feel overwhelmed x
I went up last night and he seems a little brighter, which made me feel a little better as not slept, I gave him a huge cuddle and told him I loved him.
The home said they will keep me informed about his blood pressure xx
A hug, cuddle and holding hands as well as stroking head are all hugely calming and relaxing actions. As humans we need these - these are powerful actions and you should continue to do this as it will benefit you both.
We also like to sing and laugh. Laughter and singing are really good and you should do it. Even when we were in hospital with Mum, my sister used to sing songs to Mum and people in the ward were surprised how it relaxed Mum and cheered her up.
I suppose the confusion could be caused by a number or even combination of things, concussion being the most obvious one, blood pressure, depletion in certain nutrients…which also could be reason for the fall in the first place. Did they do blood test to check his nutrient levels? And then of course there’s the possibility of a mild TIA/stroke that could cause the confusion, which are more often undetectable and so much harder to diagnose and that’s why they can’t say.
Glad your dad was a little brighter. It is hard to see a loved one suffering. I know it is easier said than donr but you need to try & get a decent nights sleep as you can’t be there for everyone if you’re not well yourself.
Have an amazing day 