Mum is home and now we have new challenges!

Hi all.
So just over a month after her brain bleed, Mum is home. Discharged with a care plan (carers x3 a day) and stroke rehab to start (no day set).
So Mum is in her bed which we’ve brought downstairs and has a commode. She needs to use the zimmer to walk.
Because of ongoing spine & knee issues and PMR, she finds it very difficult at the moment to hold her strength in her legs. She had been using a zimmer to walk to the bathroom and back with a nurse in hospital.
This morning at 0800 she got up off the commode (Dad was assisting) and she just couldn’t hold her weight, ended up sliding to the floor against the bed. I came over just as the carer arrived and we lifted her back to her feet and then helped her into bed.
She has used the commode again without issue today but not walked.
This evening she got up off the commode and didn’t have strength again and ended up on her knees on the floor. My Dad couldn’t move her so I came round and fortunately my friend who is a paramedic came over too and manual handled her on to her bum and we got her back up and into bed.
I’ve told my Dad to call the Reablement Team first thing and explain she’s ended up on the floor 2/4 times in 24 hrs and has not been able to walk.
I’m so worried and it’s just so distressing for Mum & Dad.


Im so sorry to hear, its really hard time for all ! :frowning_with_open_mouth:


You will get through this somehow. I’ve lived this with my mother 2 years ago.

It is a shock to you all. I am sorry to see others face this, but it’s life.

Make sure you take care of yourself. Your father is old, and he needs to be looking after himself, too. If not, he could face a terrible mental and/or physical breakdown. You two cannot take care of your mother if you’re not taking care of yourselves. I know - easier said than done, but it must be.

Stay in touch. Keep us updated.

Best wishes,


As @Matthew1798 says (btw Matthew I’m 78 August if that’s what it is)

Please do @nsw72

I hope that these are the initial steps and the journey will get easier with practice!! Keep the faith and keep cool of course.

Kieran :polar_bear: :wink:

Oh and here is a picture of a polar bear on her knees to show even the strongest stumble on occasion and she is clearly waiting for help but it will come and she will be ok in the end!!!

Muddy Polar Bear Sitting Erect Stock Image - Image of bears, glum: 72513137


Ask doctor, physio, therapist, for help with transfers . You can get help with this.

There are a number of options which step by step eventually allow for independence.

It worked for me, a slow developer. It’s a tortoise v. hare race. Getting there is what it is about. Sometimes results appear over time.

Keep on keepin’ on
:writing_hand: :smiley: :+1:


Sounds like she’s in serious need of ‘sit to stand’ exercises. To start with she could just work on lifting her bottom off the seat until she can manage to stand. With a seat behind her (or the bed) she has something she can ‘flop’ down onto if necessary. With time she’ll get stronger and then can move on to standing from a lower seat. Make sure there’s someone else to keep her safe initially though.


I agree with sit-to-stand exercises… though they can be really demanding on the glutes.
But it’s something to work on & very often it’s hard to know where to start.
Good luck, Roland


@nsw72 good news that your mum is home although not great that she had 2 incidents in 24 hrs. If she was managing to walk to bathroom & back in hospital has something changed that means she can’t do it now? It might be the nurse gave a lot of support but they usually just come with you and you do the hard work. Maybe ger confidence has dropped a bit since being home.

Sit to stand exercises are good but will take time to improve her strength. As @Bobbi says too teaching her how to transfer will help loads.
Is she capable of sitting in a chair? This would be better than being in bed all day but not sure of her limitations. My mum is currently in hospital & they are making her sit in a chair even though she’d prefer her bed. It has helped her lots.

The early days at home are very difficult but hopefully in time her strength will improve and things will get easier.

Yiu and your dad need to Look after yourselves too.

Sending my very best wishes.

Ann xx


I agree with @Mrs5K about sitting in an armchair if she can. I’d think brain connectivity with the hips and legs will be more actively engaged sitting in a chair than in bed. And she will have a certain amount of muscle atrophy from the lack of use, her legs/hips are weakened.

Another thing to consider, is her commode at the correct height for her? If it’s just an inch too low, that can be enough to prevent her from getting her weakened knees under her to come to a stand. If however, the commode is just a inch too high, it could be deadening her legs so she can’t stand up and she will just crumble to the floor.

When your mum is awake she should be in a chair as much as possible, she can’t allow her brain to forget what to do with her legs :wink:
Any weakness in the hips will make her legs buckle under her. I know that one from personal experience.

I’m so please you have finally got her home again and remember, slow and steady wins this race :smile:


We’ve got her in her chair the last 2 days. Trying to do a couple of hours at a time then back to bed for a rest.
The OT came in today and risk assessed, got her commode to the right height etc. bed rail coming tomorrow and a perch seat for the kitchen.
Mum’s mood is pretty good, a bit lower today but not worryingly so, she’s slowly beginning to realise / comprehend all that has happened in the last 5 weeks.


Oh that’s a lovely pic, she does look good for 77 and now she’s home where she belongs you may start to see some more progress now she’s in familiar surroundings. We all have habits and routines around the home, unconscious actions and activities you just do instinctively. She might feel more inclined to do things for herself or at try rather than wait to be helped, because her brain will be sparked by memory of those instincts. When I was in hospital I just couldn’t wait to get home so I could get started on my recovery, hospital was holding me back :smile: And when she start trying to do more, resist the urge to help, let her try first, baby steps…you be there to catch her when she falls sort of thing :wink:


@nsw72 what a great picture of your mum & she’s sitting in her chair too. Great that she is able to spend some time in her chair; it’ll do her the world of good. Sounds like things are being sorted with equipment she needs too.

All moving in the right direction. As @EmeraldEyes says she will probably be tempted to try more now she’s home. Resist the temptation to do it for her if she wants to try. It might take her ages but unless she does it she’ll not improve. My hubby has been great but I still find he takes things off me if I’m taking too long :grin:

Best wishes



@Mrs5K @nsw72

They are trying to show they care, it’s so annoying, but I suppose the nicest thing would be to let them spoil you then thank them for looking after you.

So difficult to do when you are struggling to regain your independence.

Is it ever possible to get the balance right?

Keep on keepin’ on
:writing_hand: :grinning: :+1:


What a lovely smile she has. Things do get easier, I have been in your shoes and it is blood scary.
@SimonInEdinburgh and I laughed a lot and still do through this whole stroke journey and it is a long and winding road with all sorts of challenges but we muddle through as best we can.
We are here for you and you’re not alone x


Oh and have a :flamingo:because you’re fabulous


@Bobbi i always accepted the help & never said anything to hubby. He was doing his best to help & i definitely needed it so although I thought I wish he’d let me try I just smiled & thanked him.

I guess we are all trying to find our way in this stroke journey. :grin: x


How we treat our carers should be there in the Manual of Stroke. They are as fragile as we and have been walking every step with us. They are so pleased for us when we take a step forward, so concerned when there is a step backwards.

There should in fact be a whole section in that Manual, it is such an important part of the process.

In the meantime,

. . . and there are others not yet walking this path, (I wish I could bar the way), they too will be looking for a direction some light in the darkness.

I am talking about those who have yet to experience stroke, but including those who will become carers, a group of people, none of whom know what they will have to deal with, or how they will have to find a way through it all.


I agree completely. I’ve always said stroke is life changing for everyone around us not just the stroke survivor.



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Very sorry that is very stressful! My wife and I had to move into her parents house temporarily as her dad was having the same problem. We did get a 24-hour service care that will just come in and put him back in his recliner he slept in. :sob::frowning:


Oh that’s rubbish @Mikedob ! Fortunately Mum is receiving good care and they are all very encouraging in their efforts to get her being more independent each day.
I’ll go home tomorrow as the folks seem to have settled considerably. I, only a 3 min drive away and will certainly continue to pop in a couple of times a day going forward but also want to give them a chance to find their new normal while Mum recovers.
It is such a tricky game all this, trying not to treat Mum as an invalid yet gently supporting and helping when she struggles, all the while keeping an eye on how my Dad is coping. And then remembering to look after myself!
Still, as I continue to strongly believe, we are so so lucky.