Today (actually yesterday as I write this) started off like most days do in my life as a full-time carer for someone who requires full assistance 24/7.
Then as the day progressed I noticed I had an unusually large number of messages on my phone. Very odd I thought to myself, I wonder what they might be. But I was in no rush to check as I had carer duties to perform and personal chores to do which take priority over any phone messages. Once the tasks had been done, I decided to check the messages and I was very surprised to see the large volume of messages were from a number that used to belong to a cousin who had sadly passed away a couple of years ago. I assumed it must be a family member who had decided to contact me using the old number.
I opened the messages and was delighted to see my cousins wife and daughter at a function to mark the opening of a communal garden that my cousin had helped to create. The committee had decided to honour my cousins memory and put up a plaque at the entry gate of the garden dedicating the garden to my cousins memory. There were many photographs and videos and it was all so wonderful and cheered me up immensely. He was one of if not the favourite cousin and it was wonderful to see all these people loved him just as much as I (and my family) did.
Seeing his wife and daughters, I decided to reply and see if they would respond - I had previously tried to contact them on this number but had not received a reply. With over two years lapsed and not having seen them since I am “self-isolating” in my role as carer I have lost touch with many friends and relatives. This seems to happen when one becomes ill or looks after someone who has become ill I find it a bit strange, but perhaps, I myself may be guilty of the same?
Well after a few hours the phone rang and lo and behold it was my sister-in-law (my cousins wife) ringing using my cousins phone. How wonderful to finally get to chat to her. We had a chat and tried to engage Mum but Mum was too drowsy and so we agreed to try again. Having had a nice catch-up we agreed to keep in touch. Right now I was on an emotional high and felt Mum would be too when I explained to her what had happened. My cousin was also one of her favourite nephews 
Whilst all this was going on, on the landline (yes, we still have a landline and we still use it) there was a missed call. Having checked the number, it was unknown to us and so we left it. Then a few hours later the landline phone rang again and this time it was someone we knew. This call was from another of my relatives who we had lost contact with for the same reason as mentioned above. But immediately we knew it was going to be bad news because the caller was one of my brother-in-laws (in this case, I mean husband of my cousin sister). Sure enough, he informed us my cousin sister had sadly passed away this morning after some complications. This was very bad news as this was another one of my favourite cousins who had such a lovely smile and she would cheer us up every time we saw her. Alas, the realisation dawned that we would never see that lovely smile again as she was no longer with us. So from an emotional high, we are down to an emotional low.
The sad thing about the second call is that my cousin was a stroke survivor and we never got to see her after she had the stroke because we were self-isolating (effectively six years and counting). Her stroke was similar to my Mum’s stroke but possibly less severe and obviously she was a lot younger. Perhaps like us, they also chose to “self-isolate” and when we enquired if we could visit, we were asked not to. All very sad.
All this in one day.
I started writing this saying it’s about mixed emotions and it is. Right now I am all over the place. There is sadness, anger, frustration and even happiness. Happiness coming from my Mum who defies all odds and continues to make progress, slow and steady. At this rate, she will outlive everyone !! So many family members have been lost in the six years since Mum was struck down with her stroke and many of them we did not get to see. How strange life is.
I don’t know what use if any this post will be to anyone reading it, but I felt I had to get these thoughts out of my system and if they resonate with anyone, all well and good, if not, no matter. I guess it helps to keep me going. Sometimes, as a carer I have to try and keep my emotions in check and though I try, it isn’t always easy and I do worry that one day, I might regret an action that may arise due to my inability to keep my emotions in check, challenging as the environment might be.
In conclusion, the day that started off like most days do in my life as a full-time carer for someone who requires full assistance 24/7 turned out to be like no other!
I wonder what tomorrow has in store …
I guess I should resume my care duties.
Until the next time.
Namaste|
