Lost my dad on Thursday

I lost my dad on Thursday, I posted on here a couple of months ago about his stroke in November which affected his occipital lobe and resulted in complete vision loss. Then in December he had a second stroke in hospital and had left side neglect and speech impairment amongst other issues including swallowing. I wanted to post as I want to know if people think these two situations (his second stroke and passing) could have been avoided.

His second stroke happened in hospital in December. In the morning he unfortunately pulled out his cathetor resulting in a bleed. The doctors decided to not give him his morning blood thinner (he was on one which was twice a day at that point). I realise this choice probably needed to be made as he could have never stopped bleeding if they gave it to him. However a few hours later physio come round and sit him up in bed - his blood pressure dropped and they had to put him on oxygen. He also suffered from a fib. Around an hour after this he suffered his second stroke which my mum walked in on. As I haven’t started an official investigation yet I don’t know if the physios were aware of the bleeding issue and not having had any blood thinners or not. I don’t think he should have been exerted in any way, due to blood loss, a fib and no blood thinners and that this is what led to the second stroke which was utterly devastating for him.

This resulted in him being put on a safe swallow regime level 5 foods. He should have been bolt upright for all intake and monitored. The last few weeks he hasn’t eaten much and has spat foods at us a lot. He suffered from Charles bonnet syndrome from the vision loss and had a lot of hallucinations which completely pre occupied him.

Then fast forward to Thursday, my mum was visiting and was told earlier in the day they’d given him a sedative to take him for a scan as he wasn’t cooperating. They’d then crushed some pain killers into a mousse and fed it to him. Now he hadnt been eating really and rarely took oral meds. I’d even tried the evening before with him and he spat them everywhere.m (the nurses often asked us to give him his meds). My mum noticed a gurgling noise like fluid on his lungs. Which the hca hadn’t noticed. He was on a supervised ward which was barely ever supervised. She called her over and she wasn’t particularly bothered so my mum got a nurse over who again didn’t seem bothered but eventually decided to suction him. Lo and behold out comes loads of mousse and crushed medication. Who on earth feeds someone this stuff if they’re basically comatosed? My mum said he sounded better but not completely clear and the nurse said they’d keep an eye on him. My mum was leaving as visiting had ended but noticed he was wet and told the nurse who said she would get him changed. This was at 7.30pm - my mum left his sat bolt upright. At 9.30pm he was found unresponsive and died just after 10pm. My guess is they changed him, laid him flat and he still had stuff in his throat and he couldn’t get enough oxygen. I don’t even know if the suctioning is in his notes yet.

We will be ordering a post mortem if they don’t do one and if it concludes he had this medication on his lungs we will be suing them. Plus I think their negligence caused his second stroke. The care in there was also abysmal. Nurses sitting in linen cupboards on their phones, leaving patients wet, ignoring them when they call out, not supervising wards which are meant to be watched.

I just a) wanted to vent this out and b) see if you guys here think either situation was dealt with right and if I’m just angry because I’m grieving or if this really is incompetence at the highest level.


hello. my deepest sympathies to you and your mom. its hard dealing with a loss but when u know it could have been avoided is worst. My husband had a stroke and he was recovering and was then transfer to another hospital. at the new hospital they just stopped all stroke treatment and decided he is depressed and started him on an experimental drug for depression. he also had an unsafe swallow so could not eat or drink with out thickener. the nurses was horrible to him never talk or treated him with respect so I fought I made a noise , I stopped the drugs and they just sent him hme before xmas. now he is so bad I dont know how to cope but I will do my best because the hospital is not an option they dont care and they did this to my husband. only 56 years all our plans to go on holidays or enjoy a good movie or even a simple conversation is now over. the hospital had him drugged for 2 months and he was talking a little and moving his right hand and leg a little but they did not offer or give him any physio so now the pain is unbearable , he is a 56 year old man on pallative care. now he cannot understand much as the pain is all he feeels, he has no bowel movement and this was from hospital but they lied and sent him home with no medical support. i am also in the process of them investigating why the psychiatrist decide to start him on those drugs and not offer him stroke physio like the other men in his ward in their 70s who i watch get better and go home. it hurts me now as i sit by my husband bed knowing he just had a stroke and should be walking or improving instead I am awake every nite and holding his hand while he shouts in pain. I remember them crushing those tablets and adding to his water and then he even refused to drink water, i am home with him and still fighting for support even called my local mayor and then only got GP support. i am happy he is home and the carers are good to him and I know he is happy in his home. I am now fighting for medical needs for him. nurses to come home and dr visits, but inside my heart i feel cheated by hospital as I feel he should be recovering but that 2 months paralyzed him even further. I also just needed to vent, reading your message brought back all the terrible days at hospital fighting with nurses to change him or walking in on them forcing him meds. I am in this situation because of neglect from hospital so sad to think we need to fight to get help and medical needs

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@Emmajt81 so sorry to hear of your loss. You must be devastated. Sending condolences to you & your family at this sad time.

Have you contacted PALs at the hospital to go through what happened? That might be a place to start as they can help with complaints.

No one can really say whether things were dealt with correctly or not as there are many things that come into play.

If you feel strongly then your best bet is to speak with a medical negligence solicitor & they will advise on the way forward.

My deepest sympathy & best wishes to you all at this sad time xx

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So sorry to hear your sad news :pensive: how is your mum? How are you? My condolences.

As Ann suggested PALS would be the first place to ask for some assistance. You have raised the relevant question - You will be passing through the phases of shock anger resistance that accompany grief and lead to acceptance and healing. So resistance and anger are likely to be affecting your judgement .

If you want to test the validity of a claim then a brain injury specialist solicitor would be your next port of call. There is a list of specialist ones and KCs on the UK acquired a brain injury of forums website - some will take no win no fee cases but beware if they take you on you are almost guaranteed to win and they will take a large slice of the compensation payment for taking the risk, supplying the effort and expertise

Pursuing litigation is consuming of time and effort and money and it’s very much harder to prove that there was negligence when only foresight was available than it is to prove that there is sadness and anger now that there is hindsight.

I wish you peace whichever route you choose to go :slight_smile:


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So sorry for both Emma and Trevor. I’m glad I had my wits about me. My wife and I fought to stay in hospital, they wanted to send me home after 2 weeks. I managed to stay on a further 8 and rehabilitated with physio and a care package to come with. Thankfully, my voice was ok and I questioned loads and stood up for myself. My determination got me through as I could see progress. I too had bowel and bladder issues, which I did overcome.
Don’t give up your fight. Maybe get your MP or counsellor to help you research and question the Trust to which your hospital belongs to. Neglect at the hospital needs to be highlighted to an authority.


@Emmajt81 i am so so sorry for your loss and the pain you and your family are going through. Everyone has said all I’d suggest, just sending you love and healing thoughts :mending_heart: x