Lost confidence

Hi all,its day 255 since my stroke.I’ve spoken on numerous issues of which I’m experiencing but I was a very confident person but I find now I struggle to mix with ppl.Walking into a shop/pub/restaurant or just busy place is very difficult for me. I’m very lucky to have a very lovely supportive wife,who tells me not to worry as I’m doing fine.I get frustrated because I know its my speech issues [apraxia]which some days are not to bad,other days I’ve no control over my tongue………Take care all

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@philrug it’s very difficult but keep doing all those things. It will get easier each time. We often notice our frustrations far more than others do so try not to focus on them when you’re out.

Keep going. You’re doing well.

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Know how you feel, I used to love going out before my stroke but hate it now as feel too self conscious and I’m worried about choking , hope things improve for you soon take care :+1:

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it’s normal to lose confidence - at least I have definitely done. I have been lucky and have no obvious disability but am so fumbly and sort of indecisive - I also seem to overthink things now - perhaps it’s just having more time to think. I’m sure that things will improve.

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Hello @philrug. I get what you are saying. I don’t have a speech problem as such but often struggle to find words or follow a train of thought. My appearance is altered, I have to wear a patch over one lens of my glasses and I didn’t wear glasses before. I feel very self conscious. I was invited out with a group of old work friends last night, some of which have kept in touch, some have not. I have only seen 3 of them face to face and there was about 16 going. I really nearly bottled it but am so glad I didn’t. The crucial point is they are lovely people. They accepted me, changed but the same, treated me normally, and I actually enjoyed it. They appeared just really pleased I am still here and able to see them. That was my first night out in 19 months with people other than family. If we don’t give it a go we risk further isolating ourselves. Have faith in others. Some have better abilities to know how to be and some do not but maybe it’s up to us to show them by making ourselves available? I wanted to share that experience in the hope that it helps your confidence. All the best, Julia x

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My views might be in the minority (of one?) but I rather feel those that are unaccepting have the problem not me.

I also find folk are curious and interested and sympathetic and many have a “there but for the grace of …go I”. Many also have experience of stroke in family or friends

As a life long introvert I do find socializing threatening & exhausting. I guess I have strategies for deflecting

I can understand that acquired stress from stroke & social circles is a thing so I’d advise finding your own deflecting strategies.

I guess there is a big difference between strangers, acquaintances, friends and family.

For the 1st two - If you’ll excuse the summary it’s the “f*** 'em then” summary on departure and the "not looking back (& not caring 2mins afer)

For the last two I think any bad vibes need some quiet but assertive checking of perceptions on all sides and gentle questioning & discussing if indicated before some possible hard conclusions (?)

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I am new so dont know if this will work! I find being with other people stressful and wondered if being involved in a stroke peer support group would help.

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@braid1563 welcome to the forum. Sorry you’ve had a stroke. Hope you are getting on ok?

A stroke peer support group may well help you. The stroke association website has details of local groups and they also have an online activities group which you can join. If you message on the email address below they can register you to join the online activities if it is something you’re interested in.

Online.activities@stroke.org.uk

Best wishes.

Ann

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Thank you for your welcome. I think i might link up with one group for a meeting and see how it goes. Ill also try the online group. Im quite isolated, live in a village with my dog (not able to walk him yet but hopefully soon. Diana

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Zog sounds good. I’m a bit wary of zoom generally as reception and my technical abilities are poor. I live in a village. But i might give it a try. Thanks for your welcome to the group. Something new for me. Diana

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I don’t mix with people since my stroke 4 years ago. I live with my husband and my dog and I’m happy just being home. Before my stroke I was working full time and enjoyed my work friends. Since then I’m very self conscience because I’m not the same person. Im unbalanced, use a cane, can only walk short distances, and can’t do steps. I need to nap more and have gained a lot of weight. Mostly because I can’t do anything. I also have several other health issues since my stroke that I don’t talk about. My whole life style has changed. Today was my birthday. Im 74 years old. I love to read and watch movies. But I am a recluse, and I’m ok with it. I hope you continue to improve and can enjoy your life in whatever way you’re comfortable.

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@LMS1 just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. :partying_face:

my confidence and anxiety are at a all time high suffering bad with my mental health since had my stroke in august it has scared me majorly bad thoughts and paraniod about having another stroke depression is also at an alltime high .

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im sorry very new to this site and my tech skills are not great as dont know how were or what to do

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Hi @vicki51

Hello and welcome :slight_smile: don’t worry about the technicalities they aren’t important when you’re trying to establish way is up :slight_smile:

Anxiety etc is pretty common. There’s lots of anxiety management techniques / mindfulness / meditation. If you use the magnifying glass in the top right hand corner to search you’ll return a lot of posts that might inform you of how it affects others which will tell you you’re not alone

Some of them will talk about resources but they are easily found by searching the internet. You might also ask your GP or support nurse or medical team - whatever you have helping you

It’s also a pretty common conversation when we get together which we do on Thursdays via zoom. You might find an SSRI is beneficial. I think we are all highly suspect of medicating anxiety but some have found the SSRIs useful.

Many of us find the worry of “will another happen” significant. I’ve found it never leaves me. I take my meds balance my risk factors with having a life! And trust that now I am aware and on meds I am a little safer than I was when I wasn’t aware. Many of us find anxiety does reduce over time. I think it’s easier to be less anxious if you have a cause for your stroke like a PFO and some corrective actions but many others are never given a reason.

You might find the Welcome post click on the blue text useful since you’ve not yet read many posts

Others will likely pass by soon to say hello, give different perspectives etc. This is a great place to ask questions, shout and scream if you need to, Have a cathartic rant and particularly celebrate progress - that last one lifts everyone so please share any successes :slight_smile:
Ciao
Simon

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thankyou for replying my stroke was caused by high chloestorl high bloodpressure also alcholol i am 158 days without a drop of alcholol i have also tried to quit smoking which i will admit nicotine has is still a struggle . i am also very paranoid about having another stroke as i have read that my stroke is basiclly a warning that i am going to have a major stroke .everything overwhelms me and frys my brain my words

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Well done on the 158 days without alcohol more than just a dry January! I can’t match you on that but I have found a lot of alcohol free beers. Unfortunately no alcohol free wine and I haven’t tried AF spirits .

Do you now take your blood pressure and has your GP been monitoring your cholesterol? I guess you’re on statins and something for the BP EG like candisartin and or a beta blocker?

It’s very normal to be anxious after our events :frowning: plus your emotions may now be less ‘stable’/ under control (IE it is probable).

Good luck on yr journey :slight_smile: yr not alone
:slight_smile:

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yes i take my blood pressure tablets without fail along with blood thinners statin for chloestorol. allso the alchol free wine is not nice after trying a few non alcholol wine not yet found a nice one unfortunatley wish you luck with that my stroke was a tia i think and yes i am scared as in past i have had operatio in brain due to a anurisum which i had clipped in 2018 were they also find a white mass being a dead bit of brain so now i have a clip also the dead bit and now a tia stroke all on the left side . please excuse my spelling and once again thankyou i am still trying to understand how to use this site please bear with

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No apologies necessary, we have all been where you are now :slightly_smiling_face: And trying to navigate a forum with a new stroke brain is never going to be easy! We all have great tolerance for each others mistakes on here.

Anyway, welcome to the forum. Its quite an achievement when you finally managed to create your first post and should be celebrated :partying_face::partying_face::partying_face::clap::clap::clap::partying_face::partying_face::partying_face:

I’m 3yrs post stroke, and like everyone else, anxiety was prevalent in the begining. Its natural and normal because the next one could be the big one. After several uneventful months you will start to relax. And as your recovery progresses and to start doing more about living again, anxiety may sease to exist. Keep up with your medications, eat healthy and get in your steps and that is about as much as any of us can do. Do right by yourself! And congratulations on staying dry so long, you’re doing well, keep it up :slightly_smiling_face::people_hugging:

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Hi @vicki51 welcome to the forum. Sorry you’ve had cause to join us but you’ll hopefully find it a useful place to be.

Anxiety is very normal and we all worry it might happen again. That does usually ease in time. Reading up it probably does say a TIA puts you at risk of a full stroke but that doesn’t mean it will. Not everyone who has a TIA hoes on to have a stroke. You should be on the right meds now to reduce your risk & it sounds like you’ve made the right lifestyle changes to lower it further. Well done on 158 days with no alcohol. That at the same time as giving up smoking is a massive achievement.

If your anxiety is really bad speak to your GP. They will be able to put your mind at ease over likelihood of a stroke happening but also explore ways to reduce your anxiety.

Best wishes

Ann

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