job gone south

dear fellow survivors and carers. 

I wanted to post my latest challenge. After a long and very unpleasant period my employer and I have agreed to part company. I did my best t keep it going but in the end due to no fault of my own the environment became increasingly poisonous and I could not continue.. I can't reveal any details but I will say that even those who profess to understand disability really struggle when actually faced with properly supporting a disabled person.  so the outcome after a bit of a tussle is the least worst and favourable in many ways. I can now focus on recovery and building a life after stroke for myself. I may look for other work after giving myself a good rest. I am not at retirement age quite yet, not far off though.  it all feels very strange right now. it has been a very unhappy few months but it is over now and I have a chance for a bit of peace. I want to work on getting my hand back to function. my physio and OT support  seem optimistic that this is possible. so that is where my efforts will go. 

I can't say that I loved my job so I won't miss  certain things. there was stuff that I was proud of and will miss not being able to be involved in some ways. I am an activist of sorts and wont be idle for long. the next stage will take as much courage and effort as the first stage of recovery. I am almost 3 years post stroke now. I am encouraged that veterens such as me can still make progress. I was badly affected physically, but was fortunate that cognitively I was relatively unharmed. there was some damage but I have recovered much of what was lost. physically it is very different and I have had to accept that I am a disabled person. my experience in employment has not been good in terms of inclusion of a disabled person. had things continued I was preparing myself for potential fight in court. fortunately it didn't come to that and won't now. I didn't want the stress.. it has been bruising enough as it is. one thing I do want is a holiday  we haven't had one for three years and my family has shouldered a lot of strain because of the effects of the stroke. when they say a stroke turns your life upside down it is no exaggeration. you don't know quite how much until it becomes a lived experience for a period. I have appreciated the support of this community through some dark days.

best wishes to you all 


Tony, It was obviously hard to come to that decision, but it may well turn out to be a wise one. Unfortunately, society is still not very supportive of disabled people and employers probably even less so. Life will be a challenge without the employment you have been used to, but recovery does take time and effort. I am sure you will also find something else to contribute to. I really do wish you all the best.

Hi Anthony,

I'm very sorry to hear of this development. Getting back to working normally is an enormous challenge that few achieve. You have given it your best attempt but, as you say, employers are not always as sympathetic as they should be.

This was not your one and only chance to return to working. I had many setbacks but persevered and was eventually fortunate enough to find an employer who looked at what I did long before my stroke and were willing to take a chance on me.

You must remember that in the UK now and with brexit coming, employers are going to find it harder to recruit good people. This may open up doors for you in future, especially if an employer can see past what you can't do and instead focus on what you can do for them.

Please don't lose heart or give up and one day you will have that holiday!

Take care now,


thanks Damien I really appreciate that and take courage from your own perseverence and resilience. once the dust has settled and I can get over the stress induced fatigue I will be able to think straight. I have a good supportive network of people in the community who understand me better than my employer did so it is possible that opportunities will emerge in time. I am pleased that you managed to pull through and get something that works. that must have been a real boost. 

best wishes 


Hi Tony - sorry it's been such a hard time for you, it sounds extremely unpleasant and stressful.  One door closes and another one opens, and hopefully this will be true for you.  Wishing you a positive future and time to spend with your family as you look for your next challenge!!

Take good care, keep posting xx 

thanks for the kind words 

Once things settle I am sure that something will emerge. it will take some getting used to but I will be free of a lot of stress. I think that will just be an enormous relief, and free up my poor brain to do something more constructive!


Hi Tony

firstly well done on your determination to better and keep your job torso long. It’s good you have parted company with your employer without having to fight them which is hugely stressful. It is disappointing they were so poor with their inclusion of a disabled employee. There are laws of equality for us.

I had my stroke in September. Physically I am fine however my cognitivity has been irreparably damaged although it has improved a bit. There is still a longway to go. I’m going back to work next week on a phased return. My employer has been good and they are looking forward to having me back.

As you say it is the lack of understanding of the impact a stroke has on someone . It is going to be interesting to see how they and the team deal with it. Well I am going to tell them.

it is not just at work where problems arise but at home as well, my wife just doesn’t get it and won’t listen to what I have to say or even read the literature I have been given by my OT. She says my personality has changed, but I’m still me but with short term memory issues.

I can’t wait to get back to work and get out of the house. I’ve only got 2 or 3 years to go before I retire. 

Let us know how you get on Tony, I hope all goes well.


very best wishes



thank you 

once I have had some time to recover from the unpleasant experience I will post the next instalment 


thanks Sandy. Good luck with the return . I will post updates as I go along. it will take time to process it and to re orientate myself. at the moment I am in the fog of a heavy fatigue episode. I think some of the stress is working though. it was a bit intense last week sorting out things with solicitors and stuff. not at all how I ever imagined it ending. the law does protect us. but if the understanding is not there or the willingness to understand, it can make things very difficult, as it did for me. I hope you have a better experience. sounds like you have a welcoming bunch of colleagues.

let us know how it goes. others onthe site have had positive experiences. 

best wishes