Thank you EmeraldEyes for your kindness and supportive words. I have learned to do what I have to and ignore what others may think. I know I’m trying my hardest every day.
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And that’s all that matters Dilly! As we all know, only you know what’s right for you at this point. No one else can get inside your head to see what’s going on and what your brain has to do to function, not even the experts. No other opinion matters.
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Thanks Deb,
5/10 means there’s room for improvement, and I’m sure you will, in time.
I no longer have my parents, but I have 2 lovely parents-in-law. They are Italian, and have not a clue what a stroke is! They say “nothing wrong with your brain though you may have lost some mobility”… fair, enough, that’s what they see from the outside. Well, I feel very misunderstood, but then I think of the upside ! And I wonder if I’m not better off as things are. They do not dwell on my true difficulties, but that means nobody is making a big deal of things. And do I want a no fuss environment, or an overly empathetic mood that reflects mine every step of the way? I think a different angle suits my recovery, and little sympathy will make sure I don’t indulge in too much pity. It’s tough, but it’s actually a refreshing, detached and less complicated in the long run.
Anyway, don’t fight your mum. She’s not going to understand. Forgive her, forgive yourself for not setting the matter straight. Perhaps in time she will learn a few things about you, and come to understand you better? But it will take time, so go easy. Just tell her “I can’t!” or “that’s difficult for me” or “maybe I can next year?” then without a big fuss change the subject and keep the mood light.
Also that stress you mention is the frustration you have with yourself. That’s a good thing, something that will urge you to improve, and improve you will,
Hang in there and good luck,
ciao, Roland
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@DillyDewdrop thank you for sharing your story, it’s really helpful to hear your experiences and I think you are doing really well.
My ischemic stroke one year ago and also had a clot buster drug. Fatigue is by far my worst symptom now, feels like it will never ease.
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Roland
That explains the ciao! It’s good that your In-Laws are very much in your life. I feel bad for getting stressed over seeing my Mum as she’s great, we ate cake, drank coffee and laughed and joked. We laughed through the car park, arm in arm, bouncing off of each other because my stride is longer than hers!
You are right in all you say, I’d rather have less fuss and sympathy as I then don’t feel ‘different’. I’ve had more fuss made of me than I should in my lifetime. (Not to sound ungrateful, as I know it’s coming from a caring place) I would though, like to stop living from hospital appointment to hospital appointment. To that end, I’ve started to find small art projects to do to keep myself focused on something else.
Keep smiling and positive.
Deb
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Jal11
Thank you for your welcoming message.
All we can do is ‘keep on, keeping on’.
I’m still learning how to use this platform, so apologies for not responding in detail.(and I’m incredibly tired)
Keep smiling 
Deb
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Hi Deb,
It’s great that you bonded so well with your mum. Naturally you didn’t know how it would go, I have often been nervous about meeting my Uncle & Aunt after my stroke, but they were chilled. Again, my uncle though that 4 hours a day in the gym would suffice to get my life back ! I wished it were that simple !!
Great you are starting to think creatively ; something to keep you grounded, and an outlet for your expression. I do some watercolours, now and then, here’s a few that I have had to do left handed (though my dominant hand is right)
I’ve had a few months off, concentrating on rehab, and a bit worried my foot is really slowing me down, lately. I also teach 2/3 violin students a day (alas, I cannot play for the moment) but it keeps me connected with students, and feeling useful… though I feel less capable / less desirable as a human being, in general / silly me : my Chinese Dr. would say “man up!”
I hope you eventually have to endure less hospital time… and settle down more and more, Cheerio, Roland
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Roland
Your painting is beautiful 
I’m afraid my art isn’t quite as good 
I’ve promised one of my sons a big canvas for his new flat, so I’m working up to it. Will let you know when it’s done. Sounds as though you’re going to be up to doing so much more soon as I get the impression that you’re not one to stand still for long.
Deb
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Actually Deb,
I wish I could stand still !!!
I work very hard ; my physio says she knows no-one who works harder.
Yet I still can’t walk ; but that just makes me work harder !!!
I’m also writing a book on my stroke, and 3 or 4 of the stories I have copied over to this Forum. Basically anything that I think will help, or inspire others.
I look forward to viewing your work !!
ciao, ciao, Roland
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Hi @DillyDewdrop ,
So many of us here empathise with your story. The days when I’m feeling down or scared I concentrate on thinking of the things I can do ( speak to my kids, spend time with my gorgeous wife, study the stars …. Etc. etc.) and if all else fails to get me out of a dark place I listen to the song ‘Yama o hyd’ a Welsh anthem whose title means “we’re still here”. ( this might be a very specific help just for us Welsh 
).
Maybe we should form a choir of stroke survivors and release a version ourselves ?( this sounds very Welsh of me …. The answer to any difficult situation is ‘form a choir’ 
).
Anyway, as others have said - you are not alone and this is a great forum to share how you are feeling and get help.
I can also highly recommend psychotherapy. I was feeling really low after my stroke a couple of years ago (Christmas day 2021 !!) , talking to a professional once a week has been and continues to be a great help.
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Hey Keith
Sounds like you’ve got at great support network at home and have your coping techniques down. (you wouldn’t want me in your choir, can’t sing ). I personally watch comedy on YouTube. Nothing like a good laugh.
I did have 12 sessions with a psychologist but I had flu for much of it and I felt like all we did was talk about how I was doing that day. If I’m honest, I’m not used to talking about me as for much of my life it’s been about my kids or husband. I think that’s part of the reason why it’s taken me so long to come on this platform and now you probably won’t be able to shut me up
I feel incredibly selfish rambling on about myself when we are all in the same boat. I will learn quickly.
Thank you 
Deb
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Roland
Technically learning how to walk is torture I know but like you said you ‘just work harder’ and that is all you can do to reach that goal. I was in hospital having physio, bouncing off of corridor walls as I kept getting distracted. (Actually being nosy as people passed by!) I am still nosey and consequently stumble around like I’ve had one too many
It took time, but one day I decided, this is the new me and I’ll keep working to improve.
It takes time, but one day you will gain control.
Deb
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Hi @DillyDewdrop
Like everybody says welcoming someone to the group: sorry to hear about your stroke, but so nice to know you are capable of being here and meet you!
Im fairly new here, my stroke was on feb 4.
I really feel that Im part of a new very exclusive club of people who have survived this and I feel in an strange way unique in this world.
I know I have so much to go through still but knowing so many good people here is just a lot of support that will help me ho trough all of it.
I get what you say about people not understanding what we are going through. My girlfriend was one of them as she really didn’t know anything at all and when I showed the entries in this blog and te responses I get from members, she began to understand and started to be way kinder and supportive.
This forum is a great way to know thing about strokes beyond the medical approach, so you will learn a lot from everybody as well as we will learn from you because you are an expert now in your own and unique recovery story so thanks a lot for sharing.
Best for you and all #strokewarriors
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Hi Roccello
Oh my gosh, you really are new to this my fellow warrior! It’s great that your partner has a better understanding now with help from this forum. The support from our loved ones is crucial in this bumpy journey.
Looking ahead and willing to listen and learn from all.
Deb
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This is what counselling is about and it is partly what this forum is about so no need to apologise for rambling. Don’t forget that any and all your contributions on here are helping someone else. You may not realise it but there also those on the forum can only read, don’t have the ability or cognition yet to post themselves. I was one of those myself for about a year after my stroke and these posts gave me hope! All these folk on here were in the same boat as me and now they are on here “rambling” away, showing me the possibilities for my own future.
And here I am now, rambling away just like your good self 
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Well spoken.
What you say is at the heart of why I visit this forum regularly. I’m sure sharing experience on here is useful to both reader and writer alike.
Long may it continue this way and thank you to the Stroke Association for providing this Forum, a truly valuable resource.
I’ve said what I am about to a number of times before. The words ‘Stroke Warrior’ do not sit comfortably with me. As someone who grew up in a post war environment I just don’t like the associations and plastering over the reality with words like medals, glory and bravery just leaves me feeling uncomfortable. I prefer to not hide away from the truth. Lies do not lead towards healing.
Warriors are aggressive by nature and bring death and destruction. They are happy to die on command for what could well be a cause they do not even understand.
I know mine is not a popular sentiment, so I will pipe down now, but first I’d like to suggest an alternative that I feel does have merit.
You’ve been talking about rambling, a pursuit of which I heartily approve. Whether the ramble is aimless or has a goal in mind it is all good as far as I’m concerned.
So how about Stroke Rambler, rather than stroke warrior? Please go where you will and speak your truth bravely.
keep on keepin’ on
Lots of love from an elderly peacenik.
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Hi @Bobbi
I saw you use the term in another post today
and was surprised so went back and revisited your previous post
so interested that you make the point again.
I’ve taken to using #StrokeThriver (Not my invention but my appropriation from elsewhere) because I figure if one person says they are sensitive to it then others may be too and communication that shares thoughts well is hard at the best of times
I have to say all the connotations you attach are the antithesis of what associations are conjured in my mind by the use of the term in this context. To me it says: perseverance in the face of challenge, shared strife, camaraderie in a common pursuit, overcoming adversity, … In fact all admirable qualities. The negative is attach to ‘invader’ or ‘raider’ or mercenary, terrorist, perhaps jihad? Although I’m aware that last one is probably ‘made bad’ by press that follows one religion and has different emotional links in other cultures.
The emotions conjured by words is part of what shapes culture (behaviour the ‘group’ accept and mark as ‘belonging’ and ‘with in norms’) when shared.
War-iors persure victory over the unjust, they fight-the-good-fight, etc. Although it’s ironic that opposite sides are driven by ideology, often religion that claims ‘absolute truth’ through ‘faith’ - we IMHO have a more objectively victory to share pursuit of
Caio
Simon
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Stroke Warrior … Stroke Survivor … all well established phrases in post stroke nomenclature, even with dedicated t-shirts and other merchandise. At the moment, I see myself as a cognitive technician who is rewiring instead of rebuilding or recovering. I do get the principle of Stroke Warrior as I refer to tapping into my inner Viking or inner pirate when times are tough and I am in an imaginary battle of some sort, usually with myself. Funnily enough, as warrior is cognate with war, ramble is cognate with ram, particularly during mating season when they would lock horns with each other in fierce opposition to dominate the breeding ground. To do this the rams would ramble around to find a mate or threatening male.
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Or a Sparky which is another name for electrician and we’ve got a lot of electrical work going on in our heads
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Stroke Sparky That’s brilliant.
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