My husband had an ischemic stroke in August and has been suffering from headaches, tiredness, nausea, and anxiety. He gets frustrated and irritable, one minute he is fine the next he is extremely irritable. He shouts at me over the slightest thing. It is now affecting me, I have trouble sleeping in case he wakes in a panic. Anyone got any helpful advice?

Hi, it would be a good idea to see if you can speak to youre local stroke coordinator, mine was a fountain of all knowledge.  I did not suffer from headaches after my stroke but the tiredness and anxiety is I think the same for all us stroke survivors.  You could speak to the doctor about the headaches, it may be the stress he is feeling.  Stroke fatigue does linger for a long time, my stroke was 3 years ago and I still get it, it is nothing like just being tired and unfortunately many do not understand how you feel.  My husband was the same and worried at night about me, it takes time to get back to a new normal, but it does come. I too get frustrated and irratable especially when I try to do something that would have come naturally to me pre stroke and I have difficulty with now.  All you can do is be there and know that he doesnt mean any of it.  Things will get better, in the meantime keep in touch with everyone on the forum. Take care Wendy

I was the same after my stroke 5 years ago. I think it's part of the territory. Even now my partner can irritate me, but I now know the irritation is illogical. Your husband's irritation comes from his frustration, not from anything you've done. I have learnt to bite my tongue over time, but my frustration is real. Mostly, it springs from the reduced ability of my weak hand. I still suffer from fatigue but am much more chilled out these days. Try not to let his irritability get to you. Living with the after effects of stroke is very challenge. Is there a local Carers group you can join? I am sure you are not alone in your experience.

Dear Tia

a full stroke changes our brains. Some of it returns to where it used to be, but some of it does not. The change is permanent and irreversible.

i suggest that you have to accept he is changed long term, to one degree or another. The year that the stroke got me, statistics showed that an extraordinary 65% of couples split up. Now i dont believe statistics too much but there is an element of truth in them.

At this early stage he needs a lot of rest. I expect he is unhappy that he is not digging the garden/decorating the bathroom etc etc.

so if you can, give him his own space and perhaps back off with seeing how he is. 

one element that is especially hard for us males is the emotionality. Us men dont cry, well we do now. So you might wish to leave him alone if he is verging on the tears.

no two strokes are the same. As you are probably just beginning to discover, it takes a long long time. Years not weeks.

ideally you should join one of the groups for carers.

i could go on for about seven million words, but i dont think thats what you want at this early stage

best wishes




There are no Carers groups in our area.




That makes things difficult for you as it helps to talk to people in the same position. Hopefully, things will improve. Partners often have to bear the brunt of the stroke survivors frustrations. Stroke is such a horrible experience and on going support often lacking. Always let off steam on this site if you need to.