Interference with Stroke Recovery - advice

Hi there.
Hope you are all well.

I’ve posted previously about my mother who suffured a stroke end August and is now home (4 1/2 weeks now).
She is 83 and was my father’s carer (86) who has advanced Parkinsons. He also deteriorated and was admitted to hospital a week after my mother. We believe the mental and phsycial stress of caring for my father caused her high blood pressure which was a key factor in her stroke.

As I say my mother has been home 4 1/2 weeks and is getting great support from the Stroke Team. She did however suffer immense loneliness with carers just visiting 3-4 times a day.

My father was brought home week before last on a re-enablement package so he has OT’s coming in over 4 weeks assessing him and what his care needs might be.

Whilst on the one hand his presence home has helpd stave the loneliness, it’s created another set of problems (which both my sister and I foretold to the authorities to try and avoid), in that Mum isn’t able to focus on herself anymore and rest. And it’s interfering with her recovery.

For example, he can’t get his head how the microwave works - this is causing my mother stress even though she no longer has any care responsibilities. Added to that his movements at night are impacting her sleep.
For the first time today, she has admitted to stress, and I’ve seen her take in sharp intakes of breath.

So I’m concerned - and I’ve flagged this to Mum’s stroke team. I really don’t know what to do here. Dad isn’t a bad person, and is still of sufficient mental capacity to make his own decisions (including the decision to come home), but it is impacting my mother, and we are going back to the situation at hand before but worse so, as now my mother is incapacitated and in recovery and hence more vulnerable.

Any advice would be very helpful and appreciated.

Thanks, Ian

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@Juppy Hi Ian, i suspect your mum is trying to revert back to her previous carer role but given her stroke is unable to fulfil this role. I know the OTs are assessing your dad but could you ask them to assess your mum too? It really needs to be made clear that your mum can’t be his carer any more & needs help herself.

Separate beds / rooms at night might be the answer to the sleep issue & that might help your mums stress levels a bit.

@Mahoney suggestion re sheltered accommodation/ supported living may be worth exploring.

It is so difficult for you all & i hope you manage to get the support they needed sorted quickly.

Best wishes.


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Hi Mahoney
Thanks for the reply. We are thinking of suggesting sheltered accommodation.
And I have suggested different bedrooms if the sleep thing becomes a problem - Dad is open to it. Alot depends on Mum saying something.
Thank you.

Thank you Ann.
I’ll mention it to Dad’s OTs but I suspect they will say they are really only there to support him.
Mum does have her own OT through the Stroke Team and I’ve called the team and asked for the messaging to be cascaded to her - she is due to visit today and we are to catch up later.

Agreed re Mahoney’s suggestion.
Thanks for your wishes.


Thanks Jane.
Your kind wishes mean a lot.

Thanks Mahoney. I think it went ok.
Dad has been sleeping in my room sometimes to help Mum sleep which is nice of him. Baby steps.

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