I have done something not very wise and wonder if others have experienced something similar or have advice on impulse control. I have always been very frugal, mostly from necessity, but also, I don’t care for waste or excesses. Since my stroke, I have become what I thought was significantly more decisive, where I would normally weigh every decision, now I just directly make one. I thought this was a good thing, but now I am not so certain.

After such a close brush with death, I thought a lot about how I had lived my life so far. I wrote a list of things I wanted to change about me, and of things I wanted for myself. I have always been motivated to be helpful and give care to others. I would never want that to change as it is the biggest part of who I am. However, I did decide I wanted a little something just for me.

My list included: a comfortable bed; room for me to work, rest, heal that held items that were of value to me; to make space for me in our home and to be heard and recognized; and an organized home, as chaos didn’t do much before stroke…afterwards it is impossible.

I bought myself a lovely down mattress pad that is like sleeping on a cloud; a desk and comfortable chair. I bought enough flat pack funishings for storage, to keep Wayfair and Target in business and keep my mind and hands busy with screws and directions. I felt a little selfish, but told myself this is also good for the family.

The problem is that I did not stop at the necessary items, but also purchased decorative items…rugs, plants, knick-knacks…

I also overdid on Christmas presents; spoiling the grandie; going out to dinner with family…Spent money on clothes I have nowhere to wear.

I also find my mind is way less creative than in the past, much more serious.

I haven’t gotten myself into trouble with the spending, but it is ill advised and could have been saved or gone to better uses…except the mattress cover, desk and chair. I can’t apologize for those.

I wonder if this personality change is permanent, and if it is actually a blessing in disguise. Perhaps I can keep the good parts of this new way and ditch the bad ones in my old ways? I think I would like that.


You recognize something is happening here, so I don’t think you are headed for trouble.
These are things that represent the new you as you attempt to deal with it all
Part of life demands a measure of frivolity which is at the root of the qualty of your existence.

I hope you can move forward and be happy, bringing joy into the lives of thse around you.

Keep on keepin’ on
:grin: :+1:


You are so kind, Bobbi. Thank you. I hope you will get a nice sleep in…hopefully soon, as it is late there. I highly recommend that down mattress topper if you have troubles!


I wouldn’t say that, not on here at least :smile:


Well you can’t take it with you so you might as well spend it on things that give you both comfort and pleasure in your limited capacity. What’s wrong with that? Just so long as you are not spending beyond your means doesn’t mean you need to live in sack cloth and ashes :smile: You have to grasp your pleasures where you can and it was obviously time for some changes, so enjoy :grin:


Hi @DeAnn, as others have said, you are at least aware you should not get carried away. The good thing is that you haven’t spent more than you have. I’m quite aware of that lack of impulse control because my mum had bipolar.

I certainly think you should be allowed to treat yourself a bit after such a life changing event.

As well as treating yourself to a few physical things you should also remember to tell people (family & friends) when you need a bit of time to yourself :grin:.

Don’t worry, be happy :+1:


Thank you for that! I was hoping not as you all have such wonderful sense of humor!

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I hadn’t thought of asking for the time to myself…the most idiotic thing I think I do is feel lonely, but then not want to talk on phone, or wish for some free time. Like I can’t make up my mind there. While school is still in I have some time alone, but last day is next week. My daughter works 3 days in office, 2 from home, but mostly in her bedroom. I think the loneliness stems mostly from not having a way to get out. Probably the pushing people away stems from the constant talk of how I am doing instead of what they are doing or think about whatever is happening around us. Meaningful conversation, rather than how am I, and keep up the good work…

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@DeAnn why not treat yourself. As long as you’re not living beyond your means then go for it. I think you’ve earned it.

Re keeping the bits of you that you like & not the other bits. This is something that was covered in tye “My stroke of insight” book by Jill Bolte Taylor. She certainly seemed to think it was possible.


Well you’ve had your break from that and now it’s time to start pulling them back in :wink:

At the very first opportunity when they ask how you are you just have to say “I’m fine, but enough about me…how are you doing…how is so and so…what ever happened about ???” And that’s how to keep steering them away from your health without upsetting or offending anyone. Chances are they’ll be relieved and gladly take their cues from you, because you have given them permission to stay away from your ongoing health issues.

You could however mention how isolated or trapped you are feeling these days with not being independently mobile anymore. With any luck they might offer to take you out if you are able. I know my mother-in-laws friends are happy to take her out since she’s not able to drive yet after her lung op. Even if it’s just to the local garden centre coffee shop for a drink while you put the world to rights, it’s getting you out with your friends. Start bringing them back into the fold :smile:


I want to call you the wise one. You always give such helpful advice and even pictures to descriptions that are a godsend. Thank you. You are of course, right again.

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