Sorry everyone but this recovery is not moving fast enough for me to se improvement that gives me me hope, I guess I’m looking for the unicorn by way of pain sessation and better left limb movement. The though of ‘ this being it’ is rather depressing I feel
The problem is my stroke was severe and most of the stroke survivors I’ve interacted with are low grade small strokes and they recover very quickly compared to to a severe stroke so I have no clue what’s going to need to happen before i recover if in fact I ever recover again and instead die of something else before I have a chance to recover a life I loved but now feel maybe it would have been better all round if the stroke had done the job it was set to do and end me five years ago.
Hi Mark. I feel exactly the same as you. Its 3 years since my stroke and remember leaving hospital thinking foolishly that once I was home everything would be back to normal. How stupid was that. 3 years on and I am still walking - or staggering- with a stick. Have a useless left hand and still wear an Orthotic on my left leg. I am still suffering with a head that I can only describe as “odd”. Not really a pain but a feeling that I have a bowl over my head making everything sound far away. Despite now wearing hearing aids which I didnt before my stroke this far away feeling continues. Its so difficult to describe. My GP has listened to my story and referred me to neurology but all they did was prescribe Pregabalin which had no effect. I still have some physio although not with a specialist neurophysio as there are none in our area. When she is here I walk - or wobble - without my stick but once she has left I lose confidence and need my support. I am well over 70 and feel this is as far as it goes which is very depressing. One good thing is that I am driving which at least gives me some independence although stresses me out big time! So Mark I feel much the same as yourself and sadly have no answers for either of us. Its just a case of ploding on and hoping.
It’s rubbish what stroke does to people & I think most people look for their previous life back especially initially. I naively thought I would be back to normal after a couple of weeks and 4 years on I still can’t walk and have issues with fatigue, dizziness, nausea etc. I have had a really bad week this week after a very funny turn last week. During these times I hate what my stroke has done to me & my life. But then I tell myself that I am not so badly off. I still have a life, albeit not the one I would like and I know people who are worse off than me. There does have to be an element of acceptance. We can’t change it so have to find a way to deal with it. Try & find the positives in your life…there’s usually something. I am also very sure your wife & family would rather have you a little battered than not at all. I remember my husband saying to me he didn’t care what state I came home in as long as I came home. Hope you have some more positive days.
So sorry to hear you are struggling today. You are very brave to admit your true feelings and I completely echo everything you have said. I’m 8 years post stroke following a stroke that paralysed my left side and I often have days when I am feeling really low and feel exactly what you are feeling, although I would not admit that to my husband or my 3 grown up children.
I I wish that I could accept that I will never get my old life back but I find that really difficult and I’m always trying new things, I have been trying your tip about dancing and trying to generate Neuro plasticity. When I feel really low, I give myself a good talking too and try to carry on and be grateful for my amazing family and for all the things I can do.
Good evening and sorry to hear how low you feel about life just now. Obviously with your stroke it’s harder than some like you say who yes like me had only minor issues. But I can assure you I have also struggled to come to terms with what happened on that day and how my life changed for me and my wife. But for stroke survivors like yourself and the many others I can’t start to think what it’s like for you. But with the support from all survivors using this amazing site we can be there for each other. On another blog someone mentioned the Samaritans who you can call 24/7. Please ring them I know they are there. I’ve been one. Life can be very hard at times but with support from people like this site and many of the organisations available you can and will see light and just hold on to the fact you may think you are alone with this. But we all care for one another. Take care my friend.
I think we are all going through the same thing. Winter is coming after all.
Sometimes it all feels like a huge struggle. Those optimistic hopes from the early days gradually fade. You are left with who and what you are.
Stroke definitely zapped you and it seems there is no way back. I won’t bore you with the huge list of things I was once capable of achieving. It really is long. I can just about totter from one room to another with the help of a stick. Whoops I’m starting to list my shortcomings.
I can interact with others on this forum and elsewhere online. I can offer a little encouragement to a friend who, on top of disability caused by stroke, has discovered that cancer has added itself to the list of things to be coped with.
I now classify myself as a disabled person. I must deal with the world as that sort of human being. Others have dealt with a whole lifetime of disability. I have only been around like this for four years. Perhaps I need to consider myself lucky and try to find how the long term disabled manage.
At the moment, I don’t know what you think, but I can only
keep on keepin on
You aren’t alone, be brave, we have one another.
post script addition
if you do something, anything at all,
it can help deal with low mood and depression,
activity will give you a lift.
You and I Janet are on the same page same page, I too expect ed to be back working on my farm but alas we sold it after the stroke and have a bungalow. The fuzzy head takes a few hours to clear every morning so I feel your frustration. The hobbled wal is better than a wheel chair but a long way from perfect so it frustrates us both I’m convinced that when feelin returns to my left side and the sensory side calms down I can dump the pregabeline and get walking properly. I hear what you say about driving My recent lessons whilst an achievement are a clear indicator that driving is no longer as fun as it once was. If I get my license returned I can see my driving as limited and very short local journeys. In the day I would drive the length and breath of the uk but alas no more.
Take care and keep on going I’m having a party when I’m at my own point in recovery that I’m satisfied so you are now on the list of invites
Thanks for your words mrs5k, I’m struggling as much with the span of time compared to to what has returned to me by way of normal operating condition.
I’m still basically the same as the day of the stroke but I’m hobbling about , can swallow and have better peripheral vision. No left arm or leg operation and pain on the left side is as it was in 2021
Thanks Sue , you are brave and keep on pushing ahead with your recovery, 8 years is a fair stretch of time and most of the light stroke survivors are out of the woods by then and at least 90%there.
I’m of the opinion if I haven’t changed by ten years it’s my fixed normal life and must be endured here’s hoping for both of us that we are functioning properly by then My little dips only last a day so thanks for your support and kind words.
Your words are much appreciated, feeling better today now it’s the enormity of my life that makes me low as apart from old age and my eventual demise I have little else my long suffering family will inherit my estate my wife will mourn me and il be free of this brok grief ridden world. Oops getting mauling now.
