I did it! Did what I hear you ask?

[ManjiB]

Following on from my post about Empty Chairs (Empty Chairs - Sit down and talk to someone) I decided to give it a go!

I checked the website and found an event that was scheduled to take place near me and after some reservations and should I go or should I not, I decided to go ahead and do it.

I did some research and planning and put in some security to make sure I wasn’t walking into some sort of scam or trap etc. and then waited for the day.

On the day, I was looking forward to it and things were going well and then as the time approached, things started to happen as they do. So my planned outing was at risk, but I decided I must stay focused and do what I promised myself - here, you can substitute your own reason why you might want to do this. For me, it was reminding myself, as a carer, do need some “me” time and I do need to look after myself and so a plan is a plan and any good plan will have a back up strategy so that the plan is not scuppered. So feeling pretty pleased with myself, I set off but I knew I would be late for the aforementioned “things going wrong”, but no matter. Even if I got 10 minutes it would be worth the effort, and so it was!

I got there, about half an hour late and then I paced up and down outside the meeting place (a lovely pub as it happens) thinking “Should I, should I not?”. Having paced up and down and having covertly reccied the place, I took the plunge.

In short, the event was pretty much “as it says in the tin”.

I met the host and there were three other guests at the table. We introduced ourselves, and as they were already ahead of me, their conversations continued. I sat and listened and occasionally joined in. They also brought me in by asking me things as appropriate and all in all it was a very pleasant event.

Some thoughts.

• The event took place in a public place - safety etc.

• The location was a pub and it was busy so at times rather noisy (which I know some stroke survivors may have difficulty with)

• The location can be any public place where people can sit and have a drink, tea or coffee etc. and have a chat.

• You can talk as much or as little as you want - there are no obligations or commitments

• You can drink or not as you wish

• The group was very friendly and welcoming - I guess this may not always be the case, but I would hope it would be as this is one of the reasons for setting up and attending these events.

Would I do it again?

Yes, absolutely. It is a welcome change and if you are one of those people who find themselves alone, then this may work for you as long as you can get yourself to your local event (I guess this might mean having mobility and access to transport).

Would I recommend it?

Yes, I would. It worked for me and it could work for you and until you try it you won’t know.

That’s “Empty Chairs” in a nutshell.

[Rups]

That’s brilliant @ManjiB, I’m glad you took the plunge and tried the concept. That in itself is an enormous achievement and because you felt so comfortable there, what an added bonus to life, having somewhere to go and chat that isn’t regulated or needing to be arranged. I really hope more of these events start popping up with the recent publicity, especially over the festive season when loneliness or outsiderness can weigh so heavily on many. You have inspired me to see if any are going on in my vicinity or even start my own if needs be or if I have the hwyl. Probably won’t get that far, but I can get overly enthused about community bonding.

And it is about community bonding without any agenda which makes it such a beautiful concept. It is different from a men’s shed or sewing circle, there doesn’t need to be a justification to come together and chat with our fellow species.

I’ve put my name down on the waiting list if any pop up in my area, but thought I link again their website on this thread if anyone wants to check their area and see what is going on.

[ManjiB]

@Rups

or even start my own

This is the reason why I wanted to check it out.
I felt this was something I could do and it would be mutually beneficial.
Why this is important - you take ownership.

If you are able, then you can be the host and people will come to you if they want (it’s their choice). The only commitment you are making is your time (minimum 1 hour plus travel to and from) and the cost (to yourself).

Just as an example, in the same way you took your friend to the pub the other day, you could (venue management willing) organise an event at that place when it suits you and then see what happens. It may fly, or it may not, but again, it is something for you to do.

Of course, there may be some risk and so care should be taken e.g. safe location, work with management so they can help in case of trouble, but other than that I see many positives in this. Most importantly, it puts you in the “driving seat”. Imagine where that could take you!

I wish you success mon ami!

[Mrs5K]

Well done on giving it a go. That in itself is a big deal. It’s not easy to take that first step but now you have done it I am sure next time will be easier. A great way to meet new people and potentially make new friends.

I might pass on the link to someone i know who often feels lonely. It may be just what they need.

[Susan_Jane]

Well done you. It takes courage to do something like that and I’m glad it went well. Here’s to this opening up in more areas, there are lots of people out there that would enjoy meeting up with others. I hope it’s a great success

Regards Sue