I can hear myself getting snappy, I try and bite my tongue but it is getting harder when Alan still wont do anything for himself. We had started to make a breakthrough but he has reverted. What is really driving me nuts is he had a nose bleed yesterday and I got the tissues for him but sorry I refuse to pick up the dirty tissues and bin them. I keep telling/asking him to do so but he thinks it is funny to throw them at me.
Sorry I am not looking for forgiveness for being snappy or sympathy, I just wanted to get it off my chest as I have no-one else to talk to.
Thank you for listening yet again to my moaning.
Thanks Simon, its just that sometimes you just need to let it all out.
So bizarre sometimes he remembers that he isnt to bathe in aftershave and other days, well lets just pour it all over.
We had a letter this morning from the memory clinic telling us that they cannot help us as it hasnāt been a year yet but that if after the year we still want it then to go to the GP to get referred.
Still waiting for neuropsych, was told he is on the waiting list.
He had been going into the kitchen more to help me out and also run the hoover around but that has yet again stopped.
Good news is he has now picked up his dirty tissue without me nagging.
I love him dearly but boy could I throttle him at times.
Thereās clearly some Executive Dysfunction and we know thereās also issue with short term memory. The only real way to get to the bottom of it all is through either neuropsych or the memory clinicā¦and thatās clearly a waiting game for you
Getting a better understanding of Executive function and dysfunction might help you more in how to cope with these issues. To my mind its like youāve suddenly got a ābitā of the stroppy teenager on your hands.
It might help you some by doing a bit of reading up on Executive Dysfunction and here is two such articles on it:
A stroke can be likened to a bomb going off in some ways. You have the epicentre, the damage and debris to the surrounding area and the dust can carry and settle even further out than thatā¦even the ādustā effect from a stroke affects functionality, causes glitching out until itās cleared up. Much in the same way as dust can choke up the fan or motor of a computer or hoover, they wonāt work properly until they are cleaned out (and it can burn the motor out altogether). Thereās a lot of debris and dust to clear up in the surrounding areas of the brain and that takes time and patience. Itās why we say no two strokes are alike, because the fallout will never be an exact duplicate in all. And it takes time to clear the dust and debris and make repairs. And itās no use comparing this stroke to the one Alan had in 2012 for the same reason. Like throwing 2 pebbles into a pond together, they both have there own ripple effect radiating outwards and there might also be some overlapping. His brain was probably still trying to make repairs from the previous stroke, this one may also have compounded those repairs too. Each subsequent stroke can take a little bit more of you, some temporary some permanent, and only time can tell.
So what you need to is finding useful coping mechanisms such as distraction for him, or you, or just by leaving the room, to name a few. But donāt just limit your query to this with just the stroke forum. Try sites other mental sites such as the Alzheimerās Society forum for coping strategies:
I know what Iām saying but putting it down in writing is the tricky bit, because of my stroke. Itās why I end up rabbling on a bit and rely so much on articles and links because they can say it better than I can and in less than half the time it would take me
Hi Sonia, feel free to have a good rant. Speaking as the stroke survivor, I canāt begin to imagine how difficult it can be at times. I know my husband has times when things get tough and he gets a bit snappy and Iām sure he would like to throttle me too.
Are you able to get some time to yourself, even if only for a couple of hours. It is so important to take good care of yourself, whilst you are caring for your husband.
Something that we both found useful in the early days was attending a Stroke Survivors support group local to us. Maybe there is something local to you? Speaking to someone who knows exactly what you are going through is priceless for both the stroke survivor and their families.
Hopefully you will get your appointments soon but in the meantime there is always someone here to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Take care.
Oh my word, that could have so been written with Alan in mind, describes his behaviour to a tee. ha ha yes it is like having a stroppy teenager at times, He also stays in bed now like a teenager and lucky if I see him before midday but then as I see it, he is resting up but also I do get peace and quiet for the morning.
You have explained everything so well and it does make sense.
I will check out all the info you have mentioned, a little light reading.
I signed him up on Luminosity last week but found i was getting tetchy with him when he wasnt pressing the right keys. So i said that I knew that I was being a bit (alright a lot) bossy so I would go in the other room whilst he tried to do it but he just couldnt do it on his own.
I have now gone part time so that I can spend more time with him and will see if I can find a stroke club to take him to, think it will do us both good.
@Sonia158 rant away we donāt mind here. Itās quite cathartic to get it off your chest sven if thereās nothing that can be done to help.
He does sound a bit like a stroppy teenager but he probably canāt help it. Having said that it doesnāt mean you have to put up with it. Leaving the room, walking away etc will help a bit. If youāre not there he canāt throw things at you.
Itās a shame you canāt get an appointment until after 12 months for the memory clinic. I guess they know people generally improve a bit after a stroke so they might not need the service but that doesnāt help you when itās causing issues now.
I really hope you manage to get the neuropsych appointment quickly.
Itās a gameā¦ a power game, Sonia. All couples play it to a certain degree. Iām not taking sides, here, as itās no fun for either of you. Itās frustrating, and this latest game is a cry for attention and TLC, which works both ways. The balance was restored when he picked up the dirty tissue without nagging. We just need to compromise, and meet each other half way.
I am going to look for stroke groups near us as I think that would help us both. forget watering down the aftershave with vodka, I think I will sit with the bottle myself and have a drink or two.
I know that I only ever come on here when I want to moan but I know that you are all hear to listen and just give me the shoulder to lean on when needed.
Everyone offers such great advice and it is so good to hear from everyone that is a stroke survivor and understands what he is going through and why he does what he is doing.
I know one way or another that we will get through it together, its just hoping that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Joining stroke groups has been the best therapy for me and realising how much of a gift it is to be in recovery has also helped me be less annoying to my parter (I hope) so I would deffinately encourage him to join some groups as it will Iām sure help you both. go steady x
