Apart from the physios in hospital (I was kicked out of hospital after 2 weeks, to a ‘rehab’ unit for 7 weeks and had little assistance) I was basically on my own. I realised that the only way I was going to improve, was to do it myself. I started by getting myself onto the floor and trying yoga stretches. I had some exercises given to me by an OH visitor, which I could do on the bed. A speech therapist at the hospital gave me some vocal exercises, which I did in front of a mirror. After 7 weeks I could just about walk down the corridor with the aid of a 3-legged stick. I couldn’t use a wheelchair on my own because I could only use one hand. Same with a ‘walker’.
Long story short. I was on my own (my husband didn’t have a clue how to help and struggled with my wheelchair) and knew if I wanted to walk well enough to ditch the wheelchair I had to do it myself. I managed it with hard work and sheer bloody-mindedness!
I’m sure I’m not alone in this determination. Many people on this site tell similar stories.
I do still have times when I grieve for my old self and get fed up with not being able to do stuff I used to do (my tap dancing days are definitely behind me), but now I’m mobile and driving I can go out on my own and don’t have much time to get fed up.
I do think Trisha should persuade her husband to look at this site, as we’ve all been there and (mostly) come out the other side.
It seems the key or the secret is to find what works for you and then go for it. I wouldn’t give up on the tap dancing if I were you - this can be your next or maybe long term goal. You have already shown what you can achieve when you put your mind to it.
Hard work and sheer bloody-mindedness will get you there
I had a stroke about the same time as your husband and now I sit in my chair all day everyday.
I have to use a foot splint and quad stick to walk besides that my right side may as well not be there.
What gets me is that there are things on tv showing lots of help for people with dementia and cancer but nothing on for us stroke survivors don’t they realise stroke can kill as well.
Thank you all so much for your helpful replies. Such a lot to take in so I will be dipping in and out!
We have just ordered an electric step machine which looks good. Went to gym today and he cycled 4 miles and did other exercises. His coach is hoping to try him in the pool soon.
Someone mentioned the depression stage and I think he’s been there a long while. He doesn’t come on here himself because he cannot type with his clawed “wrong” hand and his memory and speech are affected so he forgets what he wants to say. I do pass on hints though and we will look at exercise links.
I feel maybe I am not that good at caring but I do try. I had a friend who, following a bad car accident in her early 20s became paraplegic. I spent a lot of time with her so am well used to disability problems but she could use both hands and with only one working hand even simple things like going to the loo by himself is a palarver. He has to be able to balance himself on his good leg and pull down his pants and trousers, clean himself and so on. Likewise trying to operate an electric wheelchair with one hand is a pain. He is going for a wheelchair assessment in a few days time.
I do get him helping, like setting the table, wiping the worktops, helping to make a cake, deadheading flowers in the garden.
hope this answers some of your questions. Thanks again.
Take heart - I only have use of one hand, and am here using the keyboard though I can’t operate the shift key. Husband has made me a wooden frame that pushes the shift key down so I can ? and@ it’s surprising what you can’t do without the @ Other tasks one-handed are a bind but they can be achieved with a lot of swearing. I will be trying an electric wheelchair soon - the controls can be adjusted for use with either hand. Sounds like you and your husband are doing so well.
The swearing, I love that bit a lot It can be so satisfying to have a good swear sometimes. And it’s usually funny when I start…well my family find it funny anyway
Trisha - both you and your husband are doing really well. Sometimes we forget to give ourselves (and each other) the credit we deserve.
So pleased with the positive vibes from your recent post and I am sure the pool will be beneficial for your husbands recovery.
Keep going and you’ll get there
I am not sure if you do this, but you should reward yourselves every now and then. Both you and your husband should treat yourselves to something nice, whatever that is as a reward for all the hard work you are doing.
This is very important as it reminds you of the progress you are making
I’m also wheelchair bound with various disabilities. Have you spoken to your local gp? He referred me to Social Prescribing. SP recommended various groups and activities I could take part in (for my physical disabilities). For example I chose to do Wheelchair Yoga every Tuesday morning and a Kintsugi Hope course on a Friday morning. My wife waits for me at the chair yoga and takes an active part in the Kintsugi group. Both of these are great for my mental wellbeing. Years ago I was also referred to a neurologist and this was also really useful. I don’t have the tv on until night and I find a routine keeps me busy. Even if you write down a daily routine for your husband. That may help.
When I had my stroke over 2 years ago I was unable to use my right hand, arm and limited mobility. Looking back I felt lost but luckily I had my phone to communicate and got very good using my left hand at texting and WhatsApp. I played chess on line via chess. com against players all over the world and nobody knows I have health challenges.
Luckily with private physio and speech support bit by bit I moved forward and my golfing friends made sure they took for a beer every two weeks. They don’t mind my speech errors and I don’t mind them taking the mick. Hopefully hubby will gradually improve. Bob 3
), but now I’m mobile and driving I can go out on my own and don’t have much time to get fed up.
It can be so satisfying to have a good swear sometimes. And it’s usually funny when I start…well my family find it funny anyway 
friends made sure they took for a beer every two weeks. They don’t mind my speech errors and I don’t mind them taking the mick. Hopefully hubby will gradually improve. Bob 3