Hi Kimberly,
Saw your post and felt compelled to reply. I have experience of this exact situation from the side of the stroke survivor. I had a subarachnoid brain haemorrhage (type of stroke brain bleed not a clot) luckily I survived but I did change me. I remember my wife at the time saying to me “when are you going to be the old you?” Unfortunately 6 years on I have not remade that discovery of the “old me” but learnt to live with the post stroke me. It’s really hard to look at yourself outside you own body/mind to recognize that you are different. I felt the same but knew I was different if that makes sense. My wife and I tried for nearly 2 years post stroke but she thought she was living with a frustrated stranger and asked me for a divorce and it was really for the best. I have not gone back to being how I was and could sit and cry about it, feel sorry for myself and be generally pathetic, but 20 years in recovery with a program and my 13 year old son gave me the drive to move forward. People get fixated on the past and have fond memories, when in all actuality, it really wasn’t as good as they remember. Now every marriage has issues but when someone has a life changing event that affects their computer it’s not possible to give hope when you feel none. False promises seem pointless and unfortunately life may have changed for the foreseeable. My ex wife (6 years on) now considers me to be her best friend, but the man she married 14 years ago is many aspects, has gone. We get on better now and co parent well together. I wish I could give you more hope for the future regarding your husband, this is only my experience, be kind to each other.
Dan
My husband had a stroke in April 25 and has been home for the past 4 weeks. I feel just like you do. Some days are so hard. After reading your post I feel that I’m no longer alone in this struggle. I’ve got my first 2 hour respite this week but feel guilty about leaving him. We have only been out together 4 times and that was only for a short time as the loan wheelchair we have is so heavy and I can’t yet transfer him to the car. So glad that I read your post.
Hi Dan - thank you for sharing this experience with us. I am really pleased you are able to share the story in a frank and honest manner “warts and all”.
I suspect your experience is not that unusual, though perhaps not one that is aired as you have, so well done 
I like the fact you say every marriage has issues, which is absolutely true and also getting fixated on the past which is often seen through rose tinted glasses.
I am so glad your son drove you forward and you were able to split amicably from your wife and have become good friends enabling to co-parent your son.
I find your post inspiring and admire your honesty and what you have managed to achieve by taking the approach that you have.
Wishing you and your family all the best.
Hi @Only67 - welcome to the community and well done for taking the 2 hours respite. There is no need for guilt here - you are on a long journey with many ups and downs and it will take strength, courage and energy to get through. One of the best things you can (and must) do is to look after yourself so you can look after your husband.
Try and get plenty of respite and good quality sleep and a good diet and some exercises for yourself will all do you good.
The trips you have made suggest you are doing well and I hope you and your husband will be able to adjust to your new life and work towards achievable goals to enable as best a recovery as possible.
Remember there is help available both for you and your husband and there is no need to struggle on your own.
Take care.
Namaste|
Hi @Only67 sorry to hear of your husband’s stroke but welcome to our community. We are a merry band of stroke survivors and their carers and families and between us we have a wealth of stroke experience and we hope that you will find this a useful place to be.
Please don’t feel guilty for taking a couple of hours off. Time apart is very beneficial for both of you and as time goes by you will find that this becomes easier for both of you. Also as your husband becomes more mobile and you are able to get him out and about, your confidence will increase and you will venture out more often and be able to do lots of different things together.
I can see you have already received lots of information and advice so I won’t repeat everything. I just wanted to say hi and let you see that your life together is not over. It will be different but you can still have a good life.
My stroke happened 8 years ago and we were devastated but slowly over the years our life has improved. We regularly eat out and socialise with friends and family and tomorrow we are off to Spain for a week, which I was convinced we would never be able to do again. It hasn’t all been a bed of roses but we try to have our own time and do things separately sometimes and my husband has been able to return to work part-time, which was something we thought would never be possible.
Be patient and be kind to each other and I’m sure with your love and support your husband will slowly improve as he begins his long road to recovery. I wish you both well and look forward to hearing from you if you have any questions or if you just need to have a rant or need a shoulder to cry on.
Regards Sue
Hi, I can relate to what you said your husband is going through, but it’s taken me 2 years since minor stroke to understand that my lack of emotions, not caring about what I used to care about, bit of anger and malaise was a result of stroke. I live alone, am physically able, but when I’m with family or friends I have to force myself to engage with them etc. I don’t like being this way and think it’s a result of the brain damage from my stroke, so I don’t know how or if I can “fix” myself. I spend a lot of time on my IPad playing word and number games, which has helped with my cognitive problems and watch TV movies and documentaries, which seem to rest my brain. As does listening to gentle meditative music and audio books. It must be lonely for you, and I’m sorry you are going through this situation. Does your husband understand what’s going on with him? I can’t mention this to my family, son etc as I don’t want to hurt them about my lack of emotions. I wish you and your husband well and hope things improve.
Trish
Hi @Trishk - As you are physically able, have you thought about joining local stroke survivor clubs or other support groups where you can interact with and discuss things with people who might be in a similar situation to you?
Also, personally, I think not talking about these things with your nearest and dearest, loved ones and friends would likely be more harmful. Your lack of emotions would not be hurtful to them if you talked about it, or if they were made aware these things happen post stroke.
I always think it is better to let it (the emotion) out than keep it in.
But we are all different and we do what we believe to be best for us.
Take care.
@Trisha2
Your husband is so fortunate to have you, you are doing an amazing job. It will be hard for you both for a long time, but hopefully things will slowly improve over time. Good luck 
Thanks for your input. I’ve also become not at all interested in support groups or interacting with others. I did go to counselling ,but it didn’t help. Probably my fault for being so negative and indifferent. But I am listening to positive reinforcement meditative music so hoping to be less negative soon. My son is having a hard enough time with what little I’ve told him and his fears for my health that I couldn’t let him know anything else that would upset him any further. The rest of my family have enough troubles of their own, so again, I don’t want to add to their concern about me.
But Now that I’ve realized my situation, I am really going to work on this positive reinforcement self talk. Maybe my brain will listen and some of the neurons(?) will heal.
Hi @Only67 just popping by to say hi & and welcome to the community. I hope you fins it a useful place to be.
I echo what others have said about making sure you look after yourself too. Try not to feel guilty for taking time out it is vital that you do. It is good for both of you in the long run.
I was very scared the first rime my hubby left me alone after my stroke . He made sure I had everything to hand that I might need before he went. After we did it once the next time was easier & it got easier each & every time. Although he made me promise not to do anything each time.
Hope to hear more from you.
Best wishes
Ann
This sounds like a good way to move foreward.
Wishing you all the best.
@Trishk
I completely understand how you feel as I was not interested in any groups and had a dislike for people. Things will get better. It just takes time to work on them. I still have a dislike for groups and only mix with people I want in my company. Good luck 
Thanks, it’s not a nice feeling and I’m trying to keep positive thoughts instead of being so negative.
Don’t feel guilty. This is a new world that neither of you wanted to enter. Frome time to time the Stroke Association have online engagement projects, and universities send out requests for patients to be involved in stroke studies. These might be a good opportunity for your husband to talk to other people - like me - who’ve had a stroke. Most groups would benefit from the experience of carers like you. It’s a long path that you only really understand if you experience it.
You’ve made a big step by acknowledging the effect on your life. I wish both of you better times. There are many of us who are on this path with you, you are not alone.
Sorry for replying to an old post. Don’t blame yourself for what has happened. From what your saying, your husband is trying to cope in his own way. Sounds like it’s still the case. Even though I’m not married or have a girlfriend, re-establishing emotional connection will be hard. My mum had a bad stroke 7 months ago, like you said, it’s like looking at a stranger. Been there for him is a good start. As for encouraging him, bide your time. Fingers crossed, things should start to come together. It’s like trying to complete a jigsaw, it takes time to complete the picture, even if it’s a picture you might not like.
Same here. @Trishk , stick with people who you like. Especially friends and family. All the best 