Hello i made my first post 8 weeks ago after my husband Mark had a major stroke. Well i can hardly believe it hes coming home. We had our family meeting yesterday at the hospital. He’s done so well. He’s walking and getting the use of his left arm back slowly. My issue is I’m terrified. I want nothing more than to have him back home but the fear of this happening again is crippling. They haven’t really found the cause yet but he’s on Clopidogrel and a statin and due to have a couple of heart tests. I know i can’t live in fear forever. Does everyone feel this way? I should say im eternally grateful for how well his revovery is going x
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Hi @EmmaT1974 thats fantastic news that Mark is getting home and his recovery process is going well. Nobody ever knows if you can get a reoccurrence and it’s always at the back of my mind. I try not to give it too much thought to keep my stress levels down. The way I look at it is I’m on the medication so I have to put my trust in it doing its job.
I was diagnosed as type 2 diabetic as well so on meds for that. Along with dietary change and getting more exercise I hope it’s a positive step for me.
Best wishes for his continued recovery.
Steve
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Hi @EmmaT1974
I was in for 3 or 4 weeks and came out when I could walk to the loo .
I can’t say whether Lea was scared about my coming home - we haven’t discussed it. But you could discuss it on Friday cuz she’s having a carer’s cafe on zoom she posted yesterday
somewhere else
You should have some discussion with the OT team about adaptations like handrails so that stairs toilets showers entry and exit etc are more manageable/ safer .
In our case coming home wasn’t such a drama when it happened. After a short while we decided I’d be better in the spare room because of waking up overnight, not being able to turn over without a major physical exercise etc I think that lasted for about a year.
The obvious one is right down what your actual fears are (“When I imagine x or doing x or not doing x or hubby doing ex… I am fearful that y consequences will result”) then what you could do to soften them and who you sh-c/ould talk to about them 
2¢
Simon
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@EmmaT1974 that’s fantastic news & i’m sure it’ll feel great to have him home. Your feelings are natural and i imagine the same as anyone in the same position.
I was very nervous about being sent home but as @Steevo_fife says you have to put your fears to the back of your mind ,& trust that his meds are doing their job.
Make sure you’ve got any aids/daptations in place that may be needed. Take it one day at a time. It will probably be difficult initially but you’ll soon find a way that works for you both.
Best of luck xx
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Emma, hi
I was in hospital/rehab for 8 weeks before coming home. I couldn’t wait, mainly so I could be with my amazing wife. I couldn’t walk when I came home, well I was on a zimmer, but nothing is like home. Let it happen and just rejoice,
ciao, Roland
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Hi @EmmaT1974, yes great news that Mark is recovering and coming home! I’m on Clopidogrel and statin as well, I too was very concerned that I could have another stroke and it seems very rare that the cause can be identified. In time I have learn’t to trust the meds. You are already reducing the risks of another stroke by taking them, In my case I looked to make lifestyle changes as well, eating healthier, more exercise, quitting alcohol , I figured that would give me the best chance of not having another stroke, knowing that I’m doing my best, along with the meds has made a real impact on the fear factor I was experiencing. Good luck x
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Hi. So glad your hubby’s on the mend. I think it’s natural to be scared that it could happen again, especially (like me) when no cause has been found. He sounds as though he’s doing really well though. The Clopidogril and Statins are standard are a standard preventative and the fear wanes eventually. Hopefully, he will still be under supervision of the local hospital, who will monitor him for the next few months. Can I suggest you read a book called “Had a stroke, Now What?”, by Tom Balchin, which has some very useful information in it.
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Hi @EmmaT1974 so glad Mark will be home soon and progressing so well. The fear of another stroke is natural and Mark will be feeling it too, but it will ease in time. With a healthy lifestyle and staying on top of his medications, then he’ll be doing everything he can to prevent another one.
Once he’s home and you settle into a new routine that fear will disappear. Find some pleasant distractions and do join the carer’s cafe on zoom the more you talk with other carers about your fears the sooner will get over them. 
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Thank you so much. I think you’re right once he’s home and life isn’t all about the hospital environment im sure we’ll settle. Thank you for your help x
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You might have said and I have missed it but when is the big day
?
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Not 100% sure. Thursday or Friday next week hopefully
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Hi EmmaT1974,
As you already know, the nature of each stroke is unique, and I believe that you may never really know the main cause of your husband’s. It’s been over 5 years since mine and while the doctors and I speculated about why it happened, there is no consensus. And so, I just go on.
I get your fears about another one, but (and this may not be a good comparison) I had an auto accident a year ago, and I was leery every time I got behind the wheel for months after, but that leeriness is gone now.
From day 1 of my stroke I have looked at it as an eye-opener and wake up call to how fragile life is. It really has been a gift of sorts for me.
Embrace the gratitude and the appreciation you have for each other and for your life together.
Best of luck going forward to you, him, and your whole family! Tim in the Southwest US
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Hi Emma
Really pleased to learn that Mark is doing well and coming home. Know it is a constant worry that you’ll have another stroke and unfortunately there are no guarantees in life.
I had my stroke 18 months ago and, tbh, it was always in the forefront of my mind. However, as time goes by, you do learn to trust in your medication and specialists more - I’m taking Clopidogrel and statins as well as Ramipril. I’ve also had a recordable loop fitted to check my heart as they don’t know what caused my stroke. Saying that, I’m sure it was months of stress which culminated in my stroke and so I’m trying to keep that at bay.
Not sure if any of this helps but I’m sending you both my very best wishes.
Cynthia
Xx
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So pleased hubby is coming home and making a good recovery. I had a stroke due to a congenital heart condition 4 years ago today, Happy Valentines! 
I can confirm my husband was terrified of me coming home and my grown up girls, he wanted me home but I only have to say I have headache and he worries asking me to check my inr. All the best to you both and I hope the improvements continue at the same pace.
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Is it set for tomorrow or Friday?
Fingers crossed
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Hi sorry for late reply. Mark came home on Wednesday which was a lovely Valentine’s surprise. So far we’re doing really well and just navigating our way through a new normal. My anxieties seem to have lessened now he’s back with me. Hes very tired so I’m making sure he’s resting lots. We’ve already had a visit ftom OT who will be bringing us a few things on Monday he already has frames for the toilet and walking frames. I guess its just a case of allowing him to rest now he’s home to help his recovery?
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Great to hear that Mark is home & that you’re finding things a bit better than you imagined.
He will be very tired i’m sure & will need plenty of rest along with doing some physio or exercises so he can start to progress. You’ll find the balance & what works for you both as you go. Even things like watching the tv are exhausting after a stroke.
Best wishes
Ann
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Hi @EmmaT1974
Really glad to hear your update
Seemed like it would be less daunting after it happened than before it. Eating, sleeping & personal hygiene where are the first three things to get sorted for us then it was mobility
From my point of view after that was making sure Lea had some escape and personal time
If he feels up to it he’s very welcome come to the Thursday zoom cafe (and I know Lea will welcome you at the Friday carers where you can discuss the sponge on a stick!)
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Thank you so much for your support. I will definitely attend the carers cafe in the future the sponge on a stick would come in handy right now! I’ll speak to Mark about the zoom thank you x
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