How to help my husband's mood

Hi. I am very new to this. My husband had a stroke a week and a half ago. Physically he is fine - (aside from getting very tired more easily) but where we are struggling is with the aphasia. The main issue is that my husband is an absolute workaholic and has an absolute passion for research and writing and as he’s struggling with typing and finding the words, he’s understandably frustrated and seems to be hitting a low patch. He is not the most patient of people so the fact he is not immediately bouncing back is even more frustrating.
I’m trying to communicate with him and practice writing and cognition exercises (as well as trying to persuade him to rest and give himself time), but he just seems to be shutting down and isn’t talking to me or engaging with our kids (3 and 8). He doesn’t have much self awareness at the minute or empathy which has been a behavioural shift I realise it’s early days and he’s doing so well but if his mood continues, we will struggle as a family. I just wondered if anyone had any advice for keeping spirits up and keeping him engaged with the kids?


@AJB Welcome to the forum although sorry to hear of your husbands stroke. It must be very frustrating for him to not be able to do the thing he loves. I know it’s easy for me to say but he needs to take it steady & not put too many expectations on himself at this early stage. I had difficulties reading & taking things in after my stroke & it has been a case of building that back up a little bit at a time. I used to read regularly (loved it) but 5 months on can only read a page or 2 at a time. I started by reading very short articles (couple of lines). It sounds like you’re doing the right things & I would suggest persevering. The lack.of self awareness & empathy are highly likely to be as a result of the stroke.
One thing that everyone needs is patience & a realisation that improvement isn’t going to be instant. Have you got an OT involved? If not I’d suggest getting a referral. The Stroke Association also have loads of publications that it would be useful to read (if you haven’t already done so). Give the Stroke Assocuation helpline a call too. They will have ideas to help improve sure.
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself too. This is life changing for you as well as your husband.
Don’t know if I have been much help but wish you lots of luck & hope things settle soon for you.

Ann x

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Welcome and very well described I started with attention and focus issues whic 15 months down the line are behind me managed to get up to 30 hours a week in a demanding Jo as a data protection Officer after 7 months from the stroke so don’t underestimate his determination the key to recovery but slowly and sure ly. He will chee up as I did when he feels more himself


This Rings Bells so much i am pretty sure i wrote not far of a similiar post as yours a couple of days ago this felt like looking in a mirror.
You have done great and dont give up please. Coming here after a week and half is brilliant. It took me nearly 2 years and i was a workaholic,i shutdown for 2 years,put my stroke in a bottle and tried getting on with it… ooooooh how wrong was i, my personality shifted, my wife was my enemy, i had no time for my children… this i understand 100% and you have came to the right place i promise you if anybody can help these can or should i say we can… I personaly would let him know about us or tell him read this post daily.
You are being a soldier in trying but does he feel your pushing or helping as it sounds he is a proud man… " i was the same" but my pride got me nowhere except nearly ruin my marriage and my life… its a slow road and baby steps are needed…
Put a pint infront of him n see if you get a smile… " thats a joke ofc"

Heres part of my post…

My personality is like a light switch and i can text/say to my wife some nasty things and i mean for no reason at all and then bammmm i am back in the room apologising and reading what i can only say as auto pilot writing i dont even know what i wrote untill i re read it and it shocks me to my core I dont even know where it came from.

i also have problems in remembering the words i want and add words i think are similiar “how wrong can i be” i felt so stupid at times…one i couldnt remember for 6 months heres what i said to explain this 1 word if i was having a conversation i.e… " u know dave who is working in that shop doing oh ummmm ummmm you know what i mean ummmm he does it for free" their reply would be " yeah" the word is Voluntary…oh and spokes… them things that ummmm oh what they called ummmmn they hold a wheel together. This is a daily thing