How do you stop constantly thinking about having another stroke and the thought it could kill you

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Wife here , I don’t know how to help hubby … it’s a very personal and independent journey I know .
He not sleeping of course I understand that , main thought is death …I get it trust me I have health anxiety but my anxiety is not a threat where having another stroke is real

Tips please on how to get through this period until it settles down for both of us to help each other

I know 99% of the answers are gonna be , you can not think like this , you have to live your life , one day at a time etc etc

You have all been in this position I am sure , it consumes every waking moment of your thoughts , the what ifs etc etc especially so soon after day 6 now .

But is there any other advice .

For me as the wife I am more positive now than last time , it was 4 years since the last stroke and that was worse so I just keep thinking fingers crossed it will years again .

I know hubby will come through this phase given time , we never had this stroke forum last time so forgive us for all the questions and advice asked for .

Thank you

Thank you soooo much everyone below for your replies and suggestions… Hubby and me have read everyone and have taken some great tips from them.
I will update you when I have news
Thank you again .

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I’ve always suffered from anxiety and it’s got worse since my strokes…I suspect that’s what keeps them awake, but if it’s not one thing , it’s another! Everybody, potentially, has to deal with these things, I’m afraid there’s no easy answer just keep on keeping on!

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Stroke is a horrible experience that brings you face to face with your own mortality.
It isn’t something that just fades away. Both your hubby and you will have to engage with everyday activity and slowly those ordinary things will begin to take the place of the worry and the fear.

There is nothing like a sneaky giggle to drive away the darkness, shared laughter is even better.
Humour like fear is infectious. So pick your path with care.

Death is so up itself that it can’t hang about if nobody will take it seriously.

Here’s to better times!!

keep on keepin’ on

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Hi @Jenks73

Anxiety is really common after a stroke and will ease in time. If you haven’t seen this already, we do have some information on our website about anxiety which may have some helpful information and tips for you both.

Anna

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I’m with @Bobbi and @MadJeff on this one. You basically have to distract it with life.

Lack of sleep was big issue after my stroke but that was because the area of the brain which controls the sleep-wake cycle had been affected/disrupted by the stroke. I could sit or lie for hours on end with my eyes closed and these same concerns about having another stroke and dying. And night time is the worst time because there’s no life to distract you, everyone else is asleep.

One day out walking (staggering) with my hubby, I nearly staggered out into the road and under a car. And I thought to myself then, I don’t know why I’m so worried about another stroke or dying for one, I’ll be lucky to stay alive long enough to get home from this walk. Never mind outliving another stroke.

And that thought is what helped me change my perspective and outlook on stroke life. Yes, I’m at risk of having another stroke, but risk was always there from the moment I was conceived in the womb. But now I’m 62yrs old the risk is greater and I take all the precautions to live the best life I can. But I could still be run over by a bus in the morning!

So, back to be awake all night every night, and stopping your mind from getting so maudlin. Distraction is the only key I ever used. I could lay in bed making up stories in my head. Then get up and potter around doing a few of my rehab activities quietly, put on a bit of soothing music, browse through photo albums for a time. I do these kind of things for an hour then go back to bed to try sleeping again. And I was always relieved when morning came, where there was a lot more distraction from my maudlin thoughts :sweat_smile: It took many months to for the brain to sort itself out but it did gradually sort itself out.

You come to terms with it and accept it, you learn to live with it and only time can do that, just as you both did 4 years ago. You could try some Mindfulness techniques https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/mindfulness/mindfulness-exercises-tips/ I know there are a few people on here who use them and found they helped a lot. When I first heard about it on here and read up a bit, I realised it’s something I’ve been doing virtually my whole life without ever realising it was a “thing” as my daughter would say. It had an official name and a method to it, and it does seem to be a go-to practice recommended in psycho therapy/counselling. Might be worth giving it a try.

Lorraine
Stroke Improvement Group

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I agree with the others - distraction is a good technique. We all had those thoughts initially but they do settle in time. Cpuld he listen to music? An audio book maybe? Something that takes his mind away from the thoughts that bother him. Also whilst a nighttime routine is important if he teally can’t sleep perhaps getting up for a while might help then returning to bed later.

If the thoughts are all consuming then it might be time to see his dr & perhaps ask for a neuropsychologist referral.

Best wishes

Ann

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What helps for me at least temporarily, is music. I play guitar.
Walking or working out, if possible, is good too. Basically anything that provides a distraction.

Sorry he’s going through it. There’s no quick path unfortunately :frowning:

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I’m not ashamed to say I went down the drugs route after my stroke. I took sleeping tablets and antidepressants for about a year and a half and they got me over the worst. Being unable to sleep (on top of any post stroke fatigue) saps your physical and mental strength. Other methods may also work, but I wasn’t offered anything else.

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To all who have had to face this confrontation with their mortality.

Twenty years ago I had a couple of heart attacks, the second one involved me being resuscitated from death.

At the time and for quite some time after I was terrified, convinced I was hovering on the brink of being dead forever, beyond any possible return.

The actual dying thing was not unpleasant, it was the realisation that this meant no return that turned it into a traumatic event.

I spent a long time frightened to go to sleep for fear of never waking up. I was in decline, staying up all night, cat napping in the day time.

Then one day I suddenly realised that despite it all I was still here.

Suddenly I could allow myself to sleep properly again. The worry began to fade away.

When I had my stroke, again I confronted death, again I survived. This time, though, I was aware that despite the terror, despite the unpleasantness, I was still going to be around so I’d better get on with living.

I won’t kid you. Life can be awful at times, but equally there can be bright days and good times.

The challenge as far as I see it, is to cope as best as I can, make the most of what I have. Sharing my experience reminds me that I am not alone going through this.

We are not supposed to live our lives in fear.

Life is worth living despite its ups and downs.

keep on keepin’ on

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Minnie @MinnieB - there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about and so you are right not to be ashamed. You did what works for you :slight_smile:

Thanks for sharing and for not being shamed to do so :slight_smile:
:pray:

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Thanks for sharing your experience @Bobbi. It is good to read the experience of someone who has been through it a few times.

Life is for living. None of us know what is around the corner however we all know it isn’t always that easy.

I think these majorvhealth events make us aware of our own mortality and that can take some getting our heads around.

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None of us get out of life alive I’m 64 and had 4 strokes. I was expected to have another but try and enjoy every day now. I do my best to stay healthy and lost some weight, I worry about all kind of things, but I think I always have! I laugh a lot now which I guess is good although it’s usually while I try to eat! Having a stroke is tough and everyone is different.Take care x

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As the saying goes, none of us get out of this life alive :smile: At 62 I worry less and enjoy life more, which makes me think at times, that youth was wasted on me, I worried far too much back then. And what for :blush:

Lorraine
Stroke Improvement Group

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Hi @Jenks73

You are absolutely correct in saying that journeys through this issue are as individual as the folks experiencing it, and therefore the solutions can be just as individual. That said, the issue of ‘Night Terrors’ is probably one of the most common issues talked about by folks post-stroke during my ‘Here for You’ support phone calls. Indeed, this is further heightened for those who live alone, as you could imagine. I recall one person who slept with his window open every night, summer and winter, in the hope that someone might hear, should something go wrong. You have a wealth of advice from many who have travelled, or are travelling, this very road.

I well remember the disquiet and dread of sleep, and used a couple of sleep aids which, at this time, were on CDs, and proved very helpful. The best of those was called ‘Deep Sleep’ by Heather Bestel, a half hour track which was hugely beneficial. I was asked for some advice on this matter just last week and passed on the CD for someone else to try. While looking for this, I found the initial five and a half minute clip on YouTube as a taster/advert, and decided to listen to it. At 5.04 I was sound asleep, and was wakened by the doorbell.

I also found my faith a tremendous comfort in all of this process, knowing that while death is the one thing we’re all guaranteed, it is not the end, and in fact what is ahead will be infinitely better! That is so comforting, not only in this circumstance, but in all areas of life where grief comes crashing in.

None of us is immune from these experiences. I trust you and your husband find a way forward and embrace a settled peace.

Kind regards and richest blessings

Stewart

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Thank you again everyone, we are still reading your posts thanks ,

He’s not really tried anything yet, though we have spoken about downloading an audio book.

It’s actually getting worse 5.30am he finally was ready for sleep last night / This morning

It’s sad isn’t it , it’s an individual journey at the end of the day and everyone’s body is different.

Tomorrow he has another MRI to check the state of his PROSTATE CANCER that he lives with so he has got that worry on his mind as well .

We went for a 10 minute walk today that’s all he could manage but I think that’s from tiredness not ability .
Thank again everyone

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Good luck for the MRI tomorrow. There’s a lot going on so no wonder he’s worrying. Hopefully he’ll find a coping strategy that works for him. Look after yourself too.

Best wishes

Ann

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hello, so sorry about your husband .
last year my husband had stroke , sadly he passed away after 7 months.
my advise is make sure you take care of yourself because you need to be strong and supportive and it not easy , I felt talking about our good time helped him easy the pain and just remembering all those sunny holiday we shared helped us get thru the dark times. Anxiety is always there that fear that stress of what can happen but sometime you need to try to rethink change that moment instead fill your mind with positivity if that is not possible then use some visualisation to think about the happier days and remind him as well. i played video of our pet who we loved so muvch and we laughted at all the funny thing our belated king charles furbaby named sam, who we loved so dearly . I miss my husband so much but I share his memories and do what we promised to do. life is not easy but we need to be positive and use our memories and stop listening to our mind negativity and our fears , we can change our thoughs and think positive and I hope you both find a way throught this to smile and be grateful for all that you do have and all the happy time you will share , just think of what you wish and how you can get there , help him think about trips that u can take, we looked at cruises as you could take a wheelchair . it was our happiest moments just planning watching videos of beautiful beaches .

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Oh my thank you for that beautiful positive message. I am so sorry sorry you lost your husband , that’s so sad … I am sure all the things you said above made him super happy , and I agree spending time with loved ones , doing things together , going places , taking photos are all memories in the making and all our loved ones will have in the end .

Hubby bless agrees to do many things but when the day comes he just can not do it , either through not being able to wake up or just had no sleep so to tired or headaches etc etc. . I feel on the days he not ill… He should be up and out enjoying the day not wasting his life away in bed .

His normal routine is 11 am wake , breakfast then a 45 ISH walk somewhere I driven us to then home to watch TV all afternoon/night .

His reply is the day is to long thinking about negative things etc ,More time to watch TV etc if he gets up with me and our daughter 7.am onwards so he would rather sleep

I understand that . He adores us I know that and he shows us that - mostly lol … but it’s just we could do so much more as a family if he got out of bed

Our daughter has only ever seen daddy before school about 3 times a year cos he’s fast asleep in bed .

After-school he goes for a 3 hour nap

She’s older now and used to it but it’s not fair , I have felt like a single parent so many times …

I know he’s poorly . But your a long time dead and you can not bring back time .

I’ve stopped planning days out now . They all revolve around him

We live on the tip of North Wales ISH so big cities are like 2 hrs drive each way . So I need an early start if we want to go to Chester zoo etc etc …

We do go on cruises actually. We love them .
Good job not going this year our travel insurance would be through the roof having just had his stroke .

All the very best to you and thank you for your message xxx

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I had my stroke 15months ago at the age of 77 so time is ticking away anyway. It made me realise I have always paid all the bills, insurance, rates etc so it made me ensure my wife was able to access the Bank account and put in place Powers of Attorney. We now go out as much as possible and plan holidays on the assumption we will make it. Keep positive and enjoy every day.

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Obviously I can only speak for myself but, with that in mind…
I had my stroke 15 months ago now (although the hospital told me it was my second one, but I never even noticed the first!) and I’m left with no awareness (the quick, dirty and easier way is to say no peripheral vision but that doesn’t really do it justice) of my right. Simply put MY world doesn’t extend to the right like YOURS does. But, and here’s the thing, I see that as dodging a bullet. It could have been SO much worse. And, with all due respect, I would say to anyone who has survived AND is still able to move, get out and take any pleasure in life. I’m sticking my neck out here because I don’t know anything beyond what you’ve shared with us but your husband sounds a bit like me. I can’t drive, I get a bit panicky in crowds, but I take my dog out every day (in an area I know well!), I can sit in a pub and chat, I can even travel with my lovely wife to guide me…
OK, sometimes she sees me getting a bit disorientated and takes my hand, but that’s pleasant, helpful and looks acceptable to others. But, even after well over a year I still get tired.
Phew, a lot about me and very little advice for you I’m afraid but what I WILL say is stick with it. It sounds as if your man can get further with your help and, as always, time.

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