Hopeless

@Sharonm Hi & welcome to the community. Really sorry to read of your struggles & how you are feeling. I echo everything Emeraldeyes has said. You shoukd be able to get some help with some of your issues. Something as simple as a sling for your arm may help with your shoulder pain for example.

Have you seen audiology about your tinnitus? There are things they can offer to help.

I too have to drag my leg around and can’t walk far as a consequence. I bought a mobility scootervwhich has made moving around so much easier.

This firum is a really good place to ask questions, let off steam or just sit back and read. Hopefully you find some bits on it that give you hope & help.

Best wishes

Ann

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I didn’t have just a normal stroke

I had a severe brain infection and my brain was inflamed then I had a massive subarachnoid haemorrhage and died but unfortunately they resuscitated me I had to learn to talk think eat sit up stand up and then take steps ect over a 4 month period in hospital

I had a folic acid deficiency and have been taking it 4 months now and no change to me at all I’ve been taking vitamin D supplements since after this happened but again made no difference it’s all just poppy cock !!!

I have had no life since this happened I get out once a week when my husband takes me out and I’m wheelchair bound

I wish it had just been a normal stroke maybe then I may have had a life of some sort now

Then to top it less than a year later I had another bleed with a brain infection and inflammation and Epilepsy came into the equation

So honestly I feel no one will understand what I’m going through on a daily basis

I’m totally work out by 7/8 pm and in bed by 9pm it’s affected my thought process concentration and when I get tired my speech is affected

What life is this …. You tell me ???

There are no stroke support groups near me I can go to I don’t know of any online help only this

I just feel so so alone and I do feel like my husband is ashamed of me and how it’s affected his life as he has to do so much now cooking cleaning getting me dressed walk dogs shower me even silent bum at times

My dignity went flying out the window in

Aug 2022 when this happened

I can’t do anything much for myself I’m just trapped at home same routine of nothing on a daily basis …. WHY ??

Yours Sharon

Regards counselling it’s like no one cares so what’s the point ??

In the last 20 years I’ve lost my entire family 2 brothers my dad and in 2023 whilst in hospital with the 2nd bleed I lost my mum

So I do question why me why should I go on

This is no life it’s an existence

Sent from my iPhone

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Hi @Sharonm

I’d like to welcome you to the community and I’m sorry to hear you’re really struggling at the moment. It sounds like you’ve been through an awful lot in that last 2.5 years. It takes a lot of courage to be so open about your struggles, so well done on taking this first step to reach out. You’ll find lots of support within this community.

I’d first echo what @EmeraldEyes has said about reaching out to your GP. They can refer you for some physio for the physical difficulties you’re having and also perhaps some talking therapies too.

We do have a few different services within the Stroke Association which may be useful for you which I’ll list below for you.

Online Activities - Our Online Activities offer a wide range of virtual sessions you can choose from. You can learn about the effects of stroke, share experiences, take part in exercise groups, social quizzes and more. People tell us that they feel more confident and less alone when they join our sessions.

Weekly volunteer calls - If you’re not feeling confident to talk in a group our weekly volunteer calls maybe a good fit for you. These are weekly phone conversations with one of our trained volunteers which can help you to rebuild your life after stroke. Talking things through on the phone can build confidence. It can help you feel more connected, supported and able to take the next step in your recovery.

Our Stroke Support Helpline:0303 3033 100 may also be of help to you. Our helpline can be a supportive voice for your recovery journey and can also help to point you in the right direction for any services that may help within your area.

I hope some of these services may be of support to you for your continued recovery journey.

If you need anything whilst you’re using the Online Community, please don’t hesitate to tag me using the @ symbol and my username.

Best wishes,
Anna

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Thank you for your email
I had 2 lots of Neuro rehab physio and ot but nothing helped the arm … I had to have brain surgery too and they warned me that I may never use the arm/hand again as where they did the operation affected the arm more
I’ve tried slings and splints ect for the arm but find they make things worse
As my Surgeon says I’ve got a Spastic limb !!!
My leg has got abit stronger but can’t walk far can’t stand for long ect ect… the physio only come for about 8 wks each time and said that no point on working on arm and leg won’t get much better
I have regular falls and I can’t get myself up after so have to call for help !!
I’m not deficient in vitamins I’m on vit D supplements folic acid and they make no change to the arm or leg at all
The GP knows how I feel I’ve been referred for counselling but that’s as far as it goes …. The mental health people seem to pick who they want to look after and I’m not one even though I’ve been suicidal on many occasions since this happened
I’m trapped in a life of hell

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Hello Sharon - I hope by being able to put into words how you are feeling and sharing it with us, it has helped you in some way. By getting it out of your system, perhaps you can now start thinking about what sort of help would benefit you and how you can go about getting it.

There is a lot going in here and maybe it can be broken down into specific areas that can be targeted for help.

It is very disappointing and sad to read the lack of support and feedback you have had (or not) from the GP, physio etc. That is not to say you should give up - you can ask for referrals, or you can make a formal complaint if you feel you are not getting the help and care you need.

I cannot go into details here since I don’t know enough about your specific details.

What I will say to you and you may read into this however you want to, help is available but sometimes you have to knock on the door at little harder and you may need to be thick skinned.

I am a carer for my Mum and she has survived a massive stroke from which she was not expected to live. Due to the severity of the stroke, she received very little, almost no help of any note - she was 89 when she had the stroke and so this added to the discrimination.

At the point of discharge, she had no physio and no ongoing rehab. She was discharged into a home that was not ready for someone in her condition and she needed double-up (2-carers) to help her. She had that 4x a day. She was trapped in a room looking at 4 walls for the best part of a year as she was bed bound and she could not be easily wheeled out. I could go on - Covid kicked in and added further to the woes as this meant even less support …

Despite this, and six years on, she never gave up and kept working with whatever small help she had to build up her strength and kept proving she was deserving of support. This helped to get her some support and home adaptations to make life more bearable. She was able to sit out on the riser/recliner chair having been hoisted out and she was able to be wheeled out onto the decking in the back garden. All these things were small things she did and continues to do over time to live the best life she can. Actually, you might imagine from what I have said, this is not all that great - she still need 2 carer support, she still is nil-by-mouth and fed through a PEG tube and she still cannot stand.

But she has not given up and she continues to fight.

Yes, she too gets annoyed with her carers from time to time and carers get annoyed with her from time to time. But we all understand the situation and we make the best of it.

Whenever we feel we have some progress to share, we do that and we seek more support - we don’t always get it. Physios and OT’s etc aren’t really able to or interested in helping someone who is in their 90s, unable to stand up and has limited mobility and no speech (aphasia post-stroke).

But fight on she does. In doing so, she gets a little kick out of it every now and then and she lets us know it by giving us the most wonderful smile and “sings” us a ditty. We let her know we love her too and so life goes on …

I hope you will be feeling better and hope you will get the help you seek.

As has been mentioned by previous posters, you can get support (see note from @Anna_Moderator above) and join in on activities etc.

I would also encourage you to sit with your husband and talk things through. It may help you both to get things out in the open. It is tough being a stroke survivor and a carer for a stroke survivor but it is not impossible.

I wish you all the best.

Namaste|
:pray:

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Hi Andrew, I am glad you are making progress and can look back a few weeks to confirm that.
Your post made me feel that my husband isn’t doing too badly and I need to allow him to rest as he needs.
As a retired nurse I think I have been a bit bossy and hard on hubby regarding exercise so reading your post was a good reminder, thank you.
Best wishes for your continued improvements.Ellie

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@elljay1 The only way strokes can truly be understood is to have one yourself. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. There isn’t any medical terminology invented to describe some of it. At least, none that I’ve found in my 4yrs of searching for ways to describe mine.

But one little tip from my stroke; brain fatigue is a thing. Different to actual physical fatigue and tiredness. But to simplify it, its like quicky filling a jar to the brim and putting the lid on, done! That’s it, no more will go in until that jar empties out enough to take a bit more.
You can be in the middle of physio or a rehab exercise and suddenly the brain just switches off to that activity. Its done for now, that jar is full now so move on or rest/recharge.

Sometimes, In the early months of my recovery, I’d bearly make it back to chair. And then I’d just sit and stare or close my eyes to block out all visual stimulation. I wasn’t sleeping just blocking out input because my brain had had enough for now.

So you may find that if you are having to push, encourage, cajole or nag your hubby, then either let him rest or find another jar to fill. In other words another activity or one less mentally taxing/stimulating :wink:

Lorraine

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@EmeraldEyes thank you so much for your explanation, I will absolutely take on board what you’ve said because it makes perfect sense.
I am sure I have been too hard on my poor husband.
Fresh start from hereon.
Ellie

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Hello @Shannon I could have written this 4 months ago….believe me I felt the same 3 months (ish) on now I feel slightly different and each day I count my blessings. I have to rely on my daughters help a lot for personal care. And when son comes home from work he used to start dinner. I’ve an air fryer and slow cooker and I try to think of recipes I can chuck stuff into the slo cooker even if I have to cheat and buy ready prepared veg to throw in for a stew or mince and dumplings….by doing that it boosted my self worth even cooking a gammon joint in the air fryer, I put the air fryer on a table and sat doing it with my “ good “ arm ……yes heavy arm and hurting the shoulder definitely can relate…try to keep it as supported as you can when sitting use a pillow it does help in time. But think of things you ca do, no matter how small and notch them up as positives, we need. To trick our brains into positivity and that’s the hardest it can be done I’ve been where you ate xx

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Hello, I just came across your entry. It might not be relevant anymore, but I decided to share it. After my stroke(2022) it took me at least a year to start going out on my ownaround the house comfortably, and even longer to learn to get on the buss and leave to go somewhere else in town, it all starts with suitable physiotherapy at home or gym, then a lot of practice first with someone who will shadow you as if they are not there and give you as much space for independence as possible. If you struggle to find an affordable physiotherapist I suggest you check out Stroke Solutions. They are inexpensive and the man I work with is just amazing, now I can now fly alone

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Hello, I hear you, I hope you are doing better, I have struggled with the same destructive thoughts and what helps me is watching a good movie or reading a book, basically finding something very very interesting that it will occupy my mind 24/7 and would motivate me to keep reading volume after volume until you realize that it is worth living for it, sounds stupid but I would be very sad if I couldn’t finish the series if you catch my thought. .Also have you talked to Stroke Solutions for physiotherapy, check if they cover your area, I work with a very positive and enthusiastic man who helps me not lose hope.

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Hi Monika - this is such a wonderful update from you. So nice of you to share how you addressed your troubles.

The Stroke Solutions sounds like a very useful outfit, not one I am familiar with but worth checking out.

Great update, great advice and so kind of you to come back to post your note :slight_smile:

Thank you.

Namaste|
:pray:

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