He's not a priority

My husband is 85 and had a debilitating stroke on the 13th August.
I have noticed throughout the last few weeks that he hasn’t had much physiotherapy and was given the impression he had been refusing it. We had a talk and for the last two weeks he’s accepted all physio, but that appears to be three days out of seven.
I queried this at a family meeting when I was basically told this is as good as it gets. ie he needs 2 people to get him out of bed and I can’t manage by myself. When I asked about the frequency of physiotherapy I was told (in front of the consultant) that they had to prioritise because new patients came first and that’s the way it had to be.
Is there anyone who knows what I can do to get this corrected, and get him the help he needs to at least get out of bed and to a lavatory without having to sit in his own soil all the time?


Hi @Shelbo

Wow. That sounds like a whole load of poo at once.

unfortunately I have heard this time and time again. So his age matters??! Not to me.

He deserves the treatment I would get at 45 and he does.

please try and speak to the stroke association helpline? 03033033100

or can your GP help?

There must be care options I really hope.

Best I can offer is emergency adult social services in your local area… maybe.

You should not have to deal with this by yourself. And your family sounds like they want to help but feel powerless.

Keep going and call some people. Don’t give up if you can’t cope and ask for help if you can’t 111 and 999 are there for a reason. if you need them…

If you don’t mind are you ok to do stuff physically for your hubby - no clearly… do you have care needs yourself?

I will be thinking of you both.


Here is a picture of a snow leopard to try and help cheer you up xx
Snow Leopards - Natural World Safaris


Hi Shelbo, if he had a “bed lever” and a commode he would have a chance of managing this. I am 83 and had a bad stroke 3 years ago. I now live in a serviced apartment and manage for myself, but I could not do without those two things to get through the night! Both could be provided in hospital. The bed lever might enable him to get out of bed with only one person helping, and eventually by himself.

Meanwhile keep up with the physio, and do a little by himself if he can - the more they see him trying, the more they are encouraged to help him.

I hope this helps - I can only speak from my own experience. :slightly_smiling_face: :person_in_motorized_wheelchair:


Thank you for this. We’re both upset after Mondays meeting and now all I want to do is cry for us, though I’m stunningly angry at the same time. I’m 80 in 2 weeks time and can’t lift him, otherwise he’d be out of hospital in a trice.


Thank you KGB, I’ll phone in the morning. My family live in Kent and in the Netherlands and so are far too far away from the N.W. to help. Plus my daughters having an operation in two weeks time and will be out of action til Christmas. All my husband’s friends seem to have done a fast fade as well.



Unfortunately this happens a lot, When people realise the help required they back off. I’ve lost friends and family but some do stick!

But you’re not afraid and are amazing and you’re nearly an octogenarian!!! on the 17th?!?!

So you cannot do this by yourself.

Please make those calls and let us know.

I will be thinking of you.


Here is a picture of some polar bears to cheer you up!!

Polar bears are strong and cool!! Be a polar bear!!!


A Valentine's Day Polar Bear Hug | Clicks & Corks


You sound very upset @Shelbo

if you need to talk then you can send me a private message

I’m sorry I missed your august post. booger. not got easier!! Be strong. You are.



Kieran, at the moment you are not just a survivor, you are the support that many people need. Thank you.
I will put on my big girl pant in the morning and take on the world.


I think at 79 you are wearing the pants for us all!!!

I’m currently listening to Labbi Siffre Something inside so strong.

You’ve so got that Shelagh - I’m being stronger because of you.


Here is a picture of a strong polar bear because she is nearly as strong as you

Polar bear - Wikipedia

Marching on - I have so much faith in you!! more than in me!!! Thank you


Yes, a lot of people run away, even family and friends. Taking care of someone with a stroke is not as people might imagine – way, way harder.

It was all me and dad taking care of my mother. She lost her mind over time.

You find ways to adjust and get used to your new life - you just do somehow.


Sounds really awful what you are both going through!
I find the attitude of the Consultant very uncaring indeed and then they have the outrageous nerve to walk on on strike at times. (though that is quite political)
Given both of ages, I wonder if perhaps Age UK might be able to offer you both some assistance?
Good luck though.


Yes I was going to suggest a Age UK so I’ll give @KivetonGuy’s suggestion a resounding second

Also citizens advice bureau because they will have knowledge of the local authority support services & other local outreach. I’d also check for a stroke support group in your area - click the blue text Which will take you to a locator map

In terms of physio there’s an awful lot that you can do yourselves / He can practise before he comes home If the physios or YouTube shows him how. He’s actually getting more a week than I got in total while in hospital but then I had my stroke during lockdown

Keep posting here and we can keep giving you support and pointing out sources of possible help

Hugs ciao



Hi. West Wales. My wife 79 and identical regime. Told every day about shortage of staff. In every department. But no shortage of admin/managers on £100k! Yet you read that frequency of rehab is important. Is three sessions worth doing at all. Very frustrated. 15 weeks now


I was 54 when I had my stroke and I managed around 3 sessions a week in hospital. I had a slightly prolonged stay as couldn’t leave until the ward was COVID free.
I would say that the physio I received was as good as anything I have received after. I will forever be grateful to them.

I only managed at best 4 half hour sessions a week in the privately run “world class” rehab centre and with bank holidays, was often 3. This centre barely bothered with hand and arm recovery.

The run down is deliberate. Hopefully there will be a chance to change this soon.


It is Tony but if you can, you have to try to build on those 3 times. My bed became a safe mini gym at times with various exercises.

Does it work ? I don’t have the same power but I’m more flexible now on my weak side than I am on my strong side. Wondered at times what the point of all that stretching was. Takes some time but eventually it becomes more obvious.


@Shelbo I’m sorry to hear what you and your husband are going through. I can’t believe the situation hasn’t improved from the one my Husband faced 3 years ago and that was during the pandemic. I couldn’t move him out of bed alone at 57 let alone 79 years young. They forget that paralysis makes you a “dead” weight and you are unable to help. The aftercare for Stroke patients is sadly lacking and needs to be addressed. I hope you get help soon xx


HI @Shelbo

How are you doing? Have you managed to speak to someone and get some more help?


:polar_bear: :wink:

1 Like

Hi Kieran,
I’m at the hospital now, being told resources are stretched and new intake have to be prioritised.
I’ve now asked for everything to be put in writing, that way they will either re-word and change their attitude or say the same and help me make a case.


You can post on here whilst at the hospital wow. You are cool as.

You sound very sensible. Exactly as I would do. Say right if that’s your attitude then:

just put it down so I understand why you are saying that my husband is not a priority and why you can’t get me in touch with other people who can help…

I’m very impressed with your stoicism.

Keep us posted.

May I also suggest call your GP and get them on board and as I said previously adult social services.

Tell me where you are if you want and I will look up a number for you.

Did you try the SA?

Keep on being cool and strong like a matriach polar bear - but I doubt any polar bear is as strong as you at the moment.

You are brilliant

K xx

:polar_bear: :wink:



You are amazing in how you try to help others on here. God bless you!

Take good care.