Happy New year. I just want to ask for advice as my husband had a TIA in May last year and had very bad days of frustration and outbursts.
This had become a little better in that they went from daily to every two or three weeks. Today was a good start but we had a problem with the kitchen Sink I did explain to my husband and reassured him that I would sort it . so I contacted the Council but within one minute his attitude changed he became very frustrated and angry and was very verbal. I love my husband very much and understand that things take time for him to understand. I just want to know if I should not let him know about things that need dealing with as I notice that it happens when a problem arises and needs to be dealt with. But at times it’s hard not to involve him. I just want to stop this outburst getting worse as I fear he could stress so much he could have another TIA/ stroke?
I would like any help if advice as you are the people who understand what is happening to him and how I may help anything​:folded_hands:
I feel hurt but I understand he doesn’t mean it .
A TIA heals within 24 hours, typically leaving no tissue damage. However, the shock of it can leave emotional scarring, a form of PTSD perhaps, so maybe his anger is a result of fragility, feeling short-fused at the stress of having had the TIA and the fear of a future stroke. It’s difficult to say whether it may be a result of having had a TIA or something else that may be bothering him.
This sounds like good steady progress - a good sign of recovery/getting to terms with condition.
This only happened today and after a long steady spell of improvement.
So the question is was this a one-off?
What might have triggered this outburst or unusual/unexpected behaviour.
Is a frustrated plumber who felt he could have done this rather than bringing in an outside repair?
It seems to me, this may be a one-off and there may be a reason why on this occasion he got upset e.g. because he might have felt “threatened”. You know him and you may be able to think of something that might have upset him. Was it even related to the problem with the sink or maybe something totally unrelated.
For me, at this stage, unless this becomes are recurring problem, there is no need to wrap him up in cotton wool.
This is how I am seeing it - there may be something else going on and maybe the kitchen sink problem is a red herring.
I would sit down with him and have a chat to see what is bothering him. How does he feel about what has happened to him?
It’s been a while since the TIA and a lot may have happened in the interim.
Also, if I remember right, you yourself were struggling to cope and used to cry in private. Is this something you have managed to overcome? Have you discussed this with your husband? If not, maybe he has seen you crying and somehow feels helpless or guilty?
As a male strike survivor, let me add this. Nothing cuts deeper to me than losing my status as the alpha male, not hemiplegia, hemianopsia, hypersensitivities or any of the other defects I live with. Nothing screams inadequacy like turning over home repairs ,and the like, to your wife. Its a hard dose of reality and it opens floodgates of emotion. There’s probably nothing you can do or say to remedy this. Honestly, at this time, everything you do is probably wrong. Thats not your fault. Like so many things in stroke, patience and time is your best friend. Im sure you’d like some better answers. Don’t we all. He’ll come around, with your help. Peace
Thank you for your support, I think you have hit the nail on the head! My husband is very much the alpha male and always likes to be in the driving seat. I know this has hit him hard and the loss of the ability to manage things his way is frustrating. He used to love cooking but finds this hard but still potters around in the kitchen.
But other things like managing work around the house fixing things , even taking out the rubbish! Making decisions. We have sat down to talk about things and I always try to keep him in as much control of things as possible. But I think at times he just feels that loss?
Thank you all for your help and support it’s good to talk and get different prospective on things .
@Marie3 Did your husband have a temper before his TIA. Because what you are describing is not stroke related, its just a normal show of frustration. I am a stroke survivor and this does not appear to be stroke related. Stroke survivors get frustrated because they want to do what they used to do, but that takes time. No GP will ever understand unless they are also a stroke survivor. I lived life at 100 miles an hour before my stroke and had to adjust. Yesterday for the first time I had a day in work where I felt like i had never had a stroke. I was back at 100 miles an hour, everything just seemed to improve, but I am aware this may not last. My father in-law had a temper before his stroke and after, when he could not do things the temper came out worse. He was just being himself. Good luck
I used to do all the driving. I haven’t been able to do it for 3 years… though I’m getting closer to being able to drive. However, I was immediately promoted to chief navigator ; that shut me up. At the beginning I was too poorly to comment, then I perked up and became quite critical of my wife’s driving.. “you’re over-steering” “wrong lane” etc. Then she improved, then I decided to shut up and gradually started saying “you’re so confident” “that was flawless” etc. Now she enjoys driving, and I enjoy navigating. She does a great job.
I had to learn to play 2nd fiddle. It can be done, we just have to learn how. Good luck to both !! Roland
My partner knows much more about DIY than I do, so I was never allowed to muck around with repairs &c, however, I was more tech savvy and, to be frank, much more thorough with the housework than her. After stroke, however, I’d much rather plumb in a toilet siphon than troubleshoot some tech. In fact, after stroke I began to enjoy DIY because it allowed me to achieve something practical despite the odds. Didn’t always work out that way though
