Granny Annexe

My Mum (77) had a severe bleed to the brain 6 weeks ago and was told unlikely to survive, prior to this was fully fit and able.  Shes still here and fighting well although shes definitely been left with dementia, is very paranoid and often doesnt make any sense when talking to her.  She remains in hospital still and caught covd on xmas day but now tested positive so awaiting a bed again on the stroke unit after a long battle I had as wanted to discharge her.  They are saying physically she is doing well but cognitively very poorly and thats what she will not make much improvement as unable to follow instruction etc.  Ive been told she requires 24 hour care but dont want to put her in a nursing home due to my concerns and also the cost.  We have considered live-in carers but also very expensive and her house will require adapting.  We are now considering bringing her home to us and deciding if capable of living in a granny annexe at the bottom of our garden with myself and carers looking after her. I work full time currently but will look at reducing my days.  Has anyone else done anything like this for family members etc as worried that if live her in the night she will try and escape etc even though we would put cameras in.  Also any advice would be appreciated in what they would recommend in building a granny annexe etc as this is all totally new to me and being an only child my full responsibility!  I feel overwhelmed with the Mum I have lost as well as consumed with her ongoing care and how we will cope.  I also have my daughter and 3.5yr old granddaughter living at home so life is pretty full on!!  Much appreciated for any advice relating to my Mums care, ongoing stroke advice or granny annexe advice.



Hi Nicola,  so sorry to hear of the stroke your Mum has suffered, it's such a terrible event, and medical resources are consumed by Covid issues ??.  You will soon have lots of helpful replies from others on this site, but I would just suggest that you don't do anything in a hurry (if that's possible).  When my husband has his stroke, in my head I was frantically planning moving house, selling items we wouldn't use again, resigning from work etc.  The problem with stroke is that it's very difficult to know what the future will bring, so making big decisions should be undertaken with care.  Decisions such as modifying your home, or moving are pretty much irreversible, and it may be that things turn out better than expected ?.   If you are able to give these decisions as much planning time as possible, whilst you wait to see what sort of recovery Mum will be capable of.  You're really squeezed in the middle with family commitments, and you maybe don't have much 'thinking space' ?, but try to give yourself time, resist pressure if you can, because you will have to cope with the consequences ?.  Sorry to sound bossy, I'm a retired teacher, (38 years!) and it goes with the territory!!  Very best wishes, and hoping Mum will make progress ?

Thanks so much for your post and so pleased to hear you say that, just take one day at a time!  We wouldnt begin any building works etc until we know how well she is doing just by living with us at home as like you say its a huge cost and a big change to the home and for my family also. Ha ha, I have a best friend whos a headmistress and a niece whos a teacher so dont need to tell me about being bossy, it seems to come with the job!!  Just much appreciate your words.  Thanks again Nicola

It is good that a few carers are on here, trying to help and advise.

i am on the other side of the equation. Five years post stroke.

The doctors do seem to initially give the worst prognosis. This could be linked to the fact that most recovery comes from us, the stroke survivors. And that we need to make the effort ourselves.

letting others make the running is hopeless. We need to help ourselves.

please can i tell you that our personality changes. We are not the same as before. 
 Only another stroke survivor understands the problems.

My wife did what she could, but she couldnt possibly grasp what i was going through. I am no longer me .

after care for stroke is terrible, mostly non existent. And we get so many problems. My recovery is good, yet i have need for eyecare, feet care, digestive issues, BP and on and on it goes.

please kind daughter just get a handle on what you might be taking on.

best wishes