Hello AnnaC - It is pleasing to know your husband is responding to antibiotics and the weakness is to be expected. All things considered he has been through a lot and is currently fighting off a serious infection. Antibiotics help, but I think they also take a toll on the body.
I understand this is a setback for you and your husband from a rehab perspective but I guess there is not a lot we can do about this right now - the focus has to be getting him well again.
I can’t comment on the SNF but here in the UK I believe it is a similar situation with care homes/nursing homes. But sometimes we don’t have a choice as we have to go with what is in the best interest of the person being cared for, especially of we are the ones making the decisions on their behalf. If your husband can express his wishes and if they can be accommodated that is good, but sometimes even that is not possible for whatever reason e.g. availability of specialist care support teams/facilities or financial constraints etc.
Having followed your story, if I am not mistaken, you do not have much help from family or friends which must make it very difficult for you. It is important therefore to try to accept there are limits to what we as individuals can do and accept that if we are doing our best, there is nothing more we can do. I have been lucky to have support from family and friends whilst caring for Mum and even then it has been difficult at times. From this we have learnt that sometimes in life, things happen and there is nothing you can do about it. But also, as in the case of your husband and my Mum as they get older they are reaching the end of the life cycle and that is an inevitability - there is nothing we can do. If we are lucky we lead a healthy life and then when the time comes we go, but sometimes we have to face some difficulties.
I believe this is the case here - both your husband and my Mum were unlucky to have a stroke which left them dependent on others for help and it also changed the way they lived. When we talked about these things with Mum, she always accepted things as they were and she carried on doing the best she could. In her case, she felt she had done as much as she might have wanted to and when the time came (she believed in God) she said when God comes calling she will go), but at the same time she will go only when she’s ready. Perhaps, you may have had a similar conversation with your husband and he may have said how he feels.
Before her stroke, Mum had also indicated how she should like to be looked after in the event of an illness and so again we had guidelines to work with. That said, they were guidelines and we could only try to accommodate her wishes as there are no guarantees for reasons already mentioned above.
I guess what I am trying to say is that be aware of what is happening and try to be strong. At times you will feel helpless and sad and other emotions, but if you able or have had a chance to have the conversation with your husband then it will make it easier for you and him to accept what happens next.
There is more I can say on this topic, but I don’t want to over step the mark in case it is not something you want to read right now.
I wish you and your husband all the best.
Jeanne