Feeling so negative

Morning all just sharing my feelings today ,I'm very emotional very negative about everything at the moment ...had my stroke a poci stroke 3 weeks ago I done really well for the first 2 weeks but now heading into the 4 week I don't seem to have made anymore progress my eyes are still not focusing my BP keeps going right up which starts my anxiety and fear that I will have another stroke. My dog had to be put to sleep Monday as she was poorly but just having her with me made me at ease I feel I'm losing everything ,I'm not the person I was 4 weeks ago I was bubbly working full-time driving living a normal life now feeling empty and alone and so negative,I have the stroke nurse visiting today so will voice how I'm feeling ,it's just making me cry all the time which isn't going to help with my recovery I know ..just so down ...thankyou for reading it helped to write things down to try and clear my mind much love pippy

Pippy, stroke sends the emotions into overdrive and the loss of your dog will not help. Please tell the stroke nurse exactly how you feel and about your issues with blood pressure. Part of you is mourning the life you used to have. Please try to look forward to improvements to come. Although you are not yet the person you were remember to be the person you are love. You are a survivor. Many do not get that opportunity.

Oh Pippy you must be so upset with the loss of your dog,  they are treasured companions.  I had not realised that this had happened when I sent my previous message.  You are very early on your road to recovery, and all us stroke survivors will understand how you feel.  It is a catastrophic happening and really does take time to come to terms with, not I do not say get over it, as I dont think you do get over a stroke you just learn to deal with being a different you, with improvement given some time.   Give yourself the time you need and do not rush things.  Things will get better.  Wendy

John thankyou so much I spoke to the stroke nurse about my fears she took my BP and yes it is high she's going to phone my GP to see if I need More BP tablets I tryed to explain it's not high the whole day as far as I know so I've got to record it each day for 2 weeks at different times of the day for her return ,I sobbed to her and told her exactly how I'm feeling I've now got to see a therepist ...I do realise some people don't survive and I have a great deal to be grateful off I'm just an emotional mess,thankyou John 


Thankyou so much Wendy it's all just too much for me,pippy x

Hi pippy I'm going through a bad time myself at the moment it's horrible I'm so down and can't see anyway out way out relly horrible the stroke association cordinator for this area is very helfull.

very sorry to hear about your dog I am a dog lover so I do know how that feels

big hug


Hey rich it is horrible feeling the anxiety like we do ....thankyou for your condolences about my dog she was a golden Labrador nearly 12 years old she was diabetic and blind ,but so happy until she feel ill ...I miss her so so much she was my shadow followed me everywhere ...pippy ...x

Pippy- I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time.  I don't know if you are taking your blood pressure regularly.  I did that for a while and it made me such a nervous wreck.  I know my blood pressure went up every time I looked at the machine.  That made my anxiety go up.  The anxiety makes my blood pressure go up--and so on.  I finally decided ( tho my doc would disagree) to stop taking my blood pressure at home, to stop focusing on it.  I started talking to a counselor once every 2 weeks for 2 or 3 months. (covered by medicare-and can be done over the phone.  She gave me good tips for dealing with anxiety.)  I also used CBD oil to calm my anxiety.  My blood pressure gets taken when I see my GP or my cardiologist, and it has been fine.   I am on blood pressure medication. It is also for my afib. I am on blood thinners (Elequis and aspirin) to prevent future stroke due to blood clot.  So, I don't worry about another stroke. Doing whatever you can to prevent future problems removes a lot of anxiety.  You are just a few weeks from your stroke event.  It takes many months for jangled nerves and brain to calm down and begin to function normally.  Do things to keep yourself calm, focus on positive things, watch comedies on TV and laugh alot, know you are healing and will get better over time.  The process is very slow, so don't get discouraged.  My regular mantra is "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better."  Your beloved pet will always be in your heart, but maybe in time you will be able to  give a home to another furry friend.  Soon, I hope.  You will be in my prayers tonight.  Love, Jeanne

I love dogs  they give so much but want nothing just some love and some treats and a few walks


Hello Pippy,

I just looked up poci stroke, mine can be classed as that, cerebellar. My consultant advised me not to check my blood pressure at home because in his experience, he found it to be counterproductive. Just keep hydrated, drink lots of water, which I'm sure you do, it helps keep BP down. Condolences about your lovely dog, my cat is very caring about me, so I understand how the loss may feel. Although, to be honest, she does stress me out a little when she wants food.

At this stage, everything is amplified. The other day, I had a sore neck and shoulder, it made me very anxious until after several days it went away and I realised I must have just slept badly on it. All these thing prior to stroke we may have shrugged off or seen as minor complaints. It's important just to focus on recovery, four weeks is a very short time, my vision problems are still with me seven months on and I am still working on them but I feel small improvements. Make sure you see an optometrist because they can assess your eyes at this juncture. 

I use lavender spray and oil as a relaxant, listen to soothing music (I love medieval music, so I absorb that every day), if you can read okay, find a good distracting book (I read a thick biography on a comedian I like, in the early days, it was very helpful), audiobooks are good too. On a practical level, I would sit in bed and plan my day, it was helpful to break down tasks and keep my mind from twiddling its cerebral thumbs in worry, join a stroke group if you can (mine is online using Zoom) it helps to keep in touch with people who have stroke experience. My anxiety didn't kick in until six months later, I'm on meds now. It's challenging but its also useful to gather these coping mechanisms anyway in life.

Sometimes, I push through my anxieties and carry on doing things, I'm okay I realise and feel reassured but having said that, I too sometimes sit in bed wallowing over them, trying my hardest to relax, but it does pass.

Keep in touch with us, as you are not alone. We are all going through this or have gone through this to varying degrees. 

Yes my dog has been there for me through, divorce ,and the death of my parents ,she was always happy to come and sit with me for cuddles we used to walk in the woods twice a day ,she gave so much love I loved her so much ...but won't get another one,hope your doing ok ...pippy ..

Hey thanks rups ,yeah I had to keep a check each day on my BP the stroke nurse wanted it which I done and surprised how much it changed at different times and found it high in the early afternoon but went right down after my bath each evening ,I too listen to audio books they are great and also like listening to music and normally it is smooth radio,or meditation music I never knew about a online stroke group that sounds good ,I went with my daughter this morning to a couple of shops but actually really was surprisingly calm,didn't have any anxiety which was good ,sometimes I do feel so alone and that's when the overthinking comes into play it's a viscous circle some days ...but I thankyou so much for your great ideas ,have a great weekend ...pippy ...

Thankyou so much Jeanne such kind comforting words,I stopped doing my blood pressure after the 2 week time they wanted it done each day at different times of the day ,I'm talking to a phycologist she gave me of coping strategies which are good ,I get frustrated when I go to say something then forget the word it goes clear from my head ,but like you say it is early days ,but I'm not used to being this side of the fence I work at the university hospital and spend every day looking after patients so to be this side I'm finding challenging,yes honey my dog will always be in my heart she was an exceptionally loving spoilt girl ,today I went out with my daughter to a couple of shops was loverly,to get out and this weekend is my granddaughter's first birthday ,she was born during the first pandemic which was tough time for them but all was well and now we are celebrating her birthday together tomorrow.....hope you have a loverly weekend ,the weather here is shocking so windy ...pippy..x

Thanks puppy

Not doing great to be honest trying to be positive but it's so wearing  just look forwards to bed time so I can take my sleeping pills and get peace till morning hopefully. I'm really anxious at the moment im not in a good place

Take care 


Hello Rich,

About a month ago, I went through a really bad patch, I was semi-bedridden with anxiety and low moods. Yes, I can honestly say, I spent most days in bed (getting up only to do the absolute necessary). Much of that time, I didn't sleep, I just tried to relax. I started using that bed time for doing stuff on the laptop, reading or just listening to stuff. Most people would say, keep moving, keep active. I just couldn't. I am just resurfacing from that routine, it's one month out of my lifetime, not much but the despair and lethargy just kept me there. Little by little, I have changed that. I believe that time out, just to deal with my issues benefitted me. 

Bedtime at night was my favourite time, when I could block everything out before having to wake up and deal with it all over again the next day. I understand this feeling well, and still now the anxiety is worse in the morning. Pay close attention to your symptoms, see if you can narrow down the patterns. I have patterns in my symptoms which I know are regular and probably nothing to worry about. Any acute changes, call A&E, they can do a call out and check you in the ambulance. I did that at 2 am one night. But its a process of elimination, I didn't know I had tinnitus, the sound in my head used to worry me but now I know it is just tinnitus, it bothers me more than anything else. I get clammy feet, this is regular, not acute, so I don't worry about it, I just say to myself, "got them clammy feet again." I saw a clinical psychologist once for panic attacks, he taught me the yawn method. When you have a perturbing symptom that seems to be regular but still disconcerting, you fake a yawn and say in your mind or aloud, "this boring thing again". 

Anyway, you need to do what you need to do. I imagine you are going to spend some time battling this one out and come out in flying colours at the end. You'll look back on it and think, "that was a crazy horrible time but I got through it". I know you will.

Thank You rups very helpful to speak to someone who knows what it is like like you I look forward to bed time just to  take a sleeping pills and stop my mind for a few hours

Dear Rich

i had some truly wonderful physio, in the form of gentle yoga. This was organized by a delightful lady who does a lot of work with the army (we live near Colchester).i am sad that you are so "down". It is four months (?) and that is very early days on your recovery trail. I wonder if your army connection might lead you to some classes. 
with or without classes, i think i went through similar stages, but i had immense belief that i would get recovery and you are not yet blessed with that belief. Without labouring the point, on day one i saw d@@th at close quarters. My life didnt flash before me, but i flashed past my life. Creepy.

We have both been chosen to survive. So there has to be good things ahead. We are not going to be the same person as pre stroke, but we will be new. And that is quite exciting.

i did not long for night time. And i would not go back to bed after breakfast. Yes i would sleep in an armchair, but not night time sleep, it was just deep rest whilst my brain got mending itself.

i am sure you are doing a great deal of the right things but your posts are very sad at the moment.

i had a good day, then a bad day then good etcetc. Perhaps you write on your bad days. Which is fine.

i also looked forward to doing pretty routine stuff. When will i dig the garden, go shopping and so on. And when i did these trivial things it was great.

my cat joined me about 18 months post stroke. I would have loved the company from day one. You have that company from the word go.

something else that worked for me...i listed twenty things i was going to achieve. And crossed them off as i achieved them. I notice these goals are now  part of the stroke association site. I just wrote on a piece of paper. Goal one was to write legibly.

i am so sure you are one of us that, in time, get a good life. 

so please smile, smile, smile, and think positive thoughts.

you are not alone


Thank You Colin just have an bad time at the moment


Hey rich,I know some days are harder than others but feel we have been blessed by surviving this terrible Avent that happened to us ,it's taken big parts of who we were away ,but like Collin says we have a new us and we have to get to like our new us to move on and recover ,I know it's not easy,but we have to keep trying and it will get better,do you have anything you enjoy at home listening to music sitting in the garden ,I sat out in the garden the other day ,the birds were singing ,it was beautiful and in our lil water feature we have a family of newts I sat and watched them for hours just going about their daily routine was Interesting ,and the squirrel that comes into the garden not so happy he's burying his peanuts in my plants lol ....it's wet and windy here ATM ,I'm so sorry your feeling low at this time I'm only 5 weeks post stroke ,it is hard but I keep telling myself I can do this challenge I have to,I was chosen to survive ,try and do things and think things that can relight that sparkle for you doesn't matter how big or small you can do it rich always here pippy x

Hi pippy was replying to you my finger slipped and my post disappeared on half finished so might show up somewhere not making much sense