Hello. my name is john. I want to hear from any
other stroke survivors who have suffered from Bullying, financial misappropriation and death threats from family, I am desperate I mjust need to know my rights and nhow bto get it to stop.
This is NOT a hoax I have been isolated and put under extreme stress by this which has been going on for years.
Thank you John H
@yottie-john Welcome to the Forum, Why do you feel this has happened? And explain what you mean by bullying? Death threats? Have you contacted the police? I am stroke survivor. Life is sh*t after stroke. Good luck 
Welcome to the community, @yottie-john. Your situation sounds very distressing, and I really think it might be a matter for the police. I am not a lawyer but what you describe sounds like coercive and controlling behaviour, which has been a crime since 2015. I’ve put a link below to help you. If you feel uncomfortable going straight to the police maybe consider Citizens Advice. But please do something, you don’t deserve to be treated that way.
Good morning John,
First, welcome here, you are in the right place i have had 2 strokes and have had so much help from members here.
I can only endorse the previous comments. Maybe a health professional may be a starting point but agree ultimately it may b citizens advice or the police - there is help available it’s just finding the most appropriate level for your circumstances.
It’s very valuable you have raised this here you are unlikely to be the only person experiencing this and so you are not only helping yourself but helping others too.. You are not alone.
Finally i am sorry I cannot be of more direct help - someone here will be though I am sure. Please say how things go.
Look after yourself John.
Please contact the Stroke Association or Age UK for advice.
@yottie-john , try talking to your local authorities. If necessary, talk to the police. Age UK is also a good marker. They can intervene on you behlaf.
Hello John - welcome to the community.
I am so sorry you are experiencing bullying, financial misappropriation and death threats, all which is not right.
I fully echo all the advice you have already received from the other respondents and would suggest you get immediate help, firstly by contacting the police because there seem to be criminal elements in what you describe and then from your social services - check your council’s website for contact details.
I am guessing you don’t have family or friends you can turn to or maybe it the the family or friends who are inflicting this on you.
You absolutely have rights and it absolutely can be stopped.
Please contact the police, social services or the stroke association.
Hoping for a speedy resolution to your problems.
Best wishes.
Namanste|
@ManjiB , amen to that. Rightly so.
Hi @yottie-john & welcome to the community. I would echo what others have said.
You need to put a stop to what has been happening to you for years. It won’t be easy but sounds like you have no choice.
You have done the hard bit by reaching out on here. That’s a good first step.
Hope you are able yo get thus resolved soon.
Hi @yottie-john
Welcome to the community, I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been going through.
I’ve popped you a private message about this, which I hope will be of help.
For anyone else that may be suffering with anything like please do reach out for support in dealing with it.
Anna
Good morning again
thank you to all whom have responded, I am physically unable at present to reply individually due to fatique and very low mood, so with your permission I will try to add as much detail as I can with each post.
I am a Brit born and bred in Gosport 1947
I married here in England in 1969 and Emmigrated with my wife to South Africa in 1970, We had two children, (Girl & Boy) but the marriage failed and my wife returned to the UK with my daughter in 1976, my son still lives in South Africa
So virtually overnight I became the single parent father of a 4 year old son in a foreign country with zero family support. having to work full time whilst being a parent.
My wife suffered from Mental Health issues and the break up was acrimonious and she made contact of any kind very stressful. but I managed to keep in touch with my daughter and ensured she and my son kept in touch,
I was fortunate enough to be quite successful in SA, so I was able to provide multiple options for them to meet and communicate over the years.
I built my own 45ft ocean going boat in SA and in 2000 I sailed it from Durban SA down around the Cape of Good Hope across the Atlantic to the West Indies, where I met my now second wife and full time Carer. We sailed the Caribbean together or 11 years on my yacht
my ex wife passed away quite suddenly in England in 2009 and shortly after this I left my yacht in a shipyard in Trinidad and came back to the UK to offer some support and comfort to my daughter who was badly affected by her Mums death, My (now) wife stayed in Trinidad to look after the boat etc
It was during this visit that I suffered a series of strokes back in 2011, unfortunately my treatment in the NHS Hospital was very poor and I ended up in my present condition.
My son flew from SA to the UK and he promised he would help me with my legal claim against the NHS, and that I was to go back with him to SA to what he called our ”family home” and that he and his wife would look after me and my wife for the rest of my days and I never need to worry again.”
Then after about 19 months, out of the blue, he flew into a rage one day and threw both my wife and I out of his house leaving us homeless and quite defenceless. SA does not have have facilities for disabled or vulnerable people and transport, housing and support systems are nothing like the UK.
We had no option but to return to the UK (May2013) subsequent to this I discovered that my son had fraudulently sold off a property he had persuaded me to buy as a “Retirement Annuity” when I tried to get information about this he called my brother (now deceased) and threatened “to fly to the UK and shoot me in the face”
I wish I could tell you more but my daughter has changed her job and address, going to great lengths to keep this secret, she has called from an ”unknown number” to block all my attempts to contact the very few people I still have any link to, she was also very abusive,
I could go on and on, but other than my ex wife’s Mental Health issues and the years of poisoning their minds I have no idea what triggered this, both of them were very supportive and loving during my hospitalisation etc , but then it changed.
I know I made mistakes as a parent but NEVER with malicious intent and my own family values very much reflect those of my father, I just do not understand what has happened in their minds.
I must finish now I am very tired, I hope I have answered some of your questions, I am in touch with AGE UK, Hants CC Adult services, I have had extremely bad experiences with the police and do not trust them one iota.
PS My yacht was confiscated by the Trinidad shipyard after 10 years because I was unable to keep up the US$ 600 pm yard fees so I have nothing
John H
@yottie-john Yes you have been dealing with a lot, but so have I for over 20 years, but i just get on with it. I am Glasgow born and bred but work and live in England. Divorce happens, its dreadful, I have that t-shirt as well and it was a hard time, I had no support and raised two beautiful daughters. You just need to move on. Who knows why children behave in the way they do, but don’t spend your life begging for them to be in your life. There is some unanswered issue, but maybe you will never know. Concentrate on your own life, if you were successful once you can be again. You lost your yatch and that was your own fault. Don’t wallow in self pity. Move on. It was a big responsibility your son taking on you and your new wife. Everyone needs their own space. i tried living with one of my daughters, well she lived with me and it was dreadful. I would never do it again and I was fully able bodied at that time. I never bring up what I have did for my children as I did it because I wanted to. I don’t want anything back in return. Plan your future with your wife. It will take years to sue NHS. My Brother-n-law it took 9 years, he did win, but nine years gone from his life he will never have back. If you are suing just to get money, forget it, you will never win. You need evidence, evidence, evidence. A solicitor is a must. I wish you luck
@yottie-john I can see that you are in a very difficult situation and having deed been through a lot. Unfortunately sometimes family relationships do break down and it’s not always obvious why that has happened. It’s very sad when it does happen but if it is reached to stage where it’s unlikely that you can repair the breakdown then sometimes it is in your best interests to just try and move on and rebuild your life in a different way. Maybe now it’s time to let go of the past and try and find a way forward for you and your wife. If you are able maybe you could just let your son and daughter know that you will always be there for them but the ball is now in their Court to get in touch with you.
In relation to the property that you believe was fortunately sold off the only way to pursue this I would suspect is through criminal charges which would have to be done through the police. I imagine things are very different in South Africa to what they are in the UK and this will probably add in extra complications.
With regards to Sue in the NHS I would suggest you take some legal advice on this. There are many no win no fee solicitors out there who you could visit for an initial consultation. The bar to win against the NHS though is exceptionally high and you have to prove that had treatment been different the outcome would have been different.
I wish you all the very best and hope you sre able to find some resolution to your situation.
Hi Harimanjaro,
thank you so much for your response, this was EXACTLY the sort of information I was hoping for, I knew what was happening was wrong, but I didn’t know what to call it or to define it. even the legal minds I spoke to were very vague and negative, Thank you John H
Hi John, during my first stroke and resultant collapse on a concrete / Lino hard bathroom floor I was left to my own devices by my wife of nearly 8 years, she actually went out for a walk, leaving me to crawl back into my bedroom. I recall my arm movements and entire body and leg functions not working as they should but I made it, I was alone until I passed out for nearly a full day. I then drove into my work and immediately taken to the local A&E Hospital as I was quite disorientated at that point. The A&E Sister stayed with my right until I was admitted to the stroke ward. She referred me to Harbour due to the amount of bruising at the back of my head, neck and arms which I learned could have been intentional by another, not me!!!
Upon my retuning home after 4 days in Hospital and before I could contact Harbour I did experience threats from my wife, and I also found out soon after that she had attempted to access my bank account and she accessed and took screenshots of my whatsApp account. Upon initial contact with Harbour I was encouraged to make a report to the Police and upon doing so I was told that they would visit her unannounced and interview her as they take coercive and controlling behaviour very seriously. She was to depart our home soon after and sadly I suffered a 2nd stroke some 5 weeks post first ischemic stroke, by that time I was alone, thank goodness.
I had no idea how or why me becoming so incredibly ill would result in such terror at the hands of my partner, which bore out as severe narcissistic behaviour the like of which I could not have imagined, I gave her no earthly reason to turn on me as she did.
The Police, Harbour and Impact whom I had follow up with due to my being diagnosed with PTSD, severe anxiety which resulted in me having extended sick time and ultimately early retirement from the job which I loved……
As has been said in the thread there is help out there John, and I also found solace in reaching out to Andy’s Man Club along the way….
Very best regards, and don’t forget, it’s OK not to be OK. David
The notion of family is a difficult one, for some it means everything, for others it means little at all. I was gaslighted and bullied by certain extended family members. The best thing I did was remove myself from the toxicity. Friends can provide that family need, although it is quite hard estranging oneself from blood ties, but no one is to blame but the circumstance of being familial. It’s not an easy choice to make but sometimes opting for distance can allow the dust to settle and often we are at the centre of our own universes so life will tick along without the complication of bringing multiple lives together under one ideology of family.
I say this coming from an RAF father who preferred spending his time away in the Antarctic. A mother who passed away when I was three. Two children I rarely speak to. An estranged partner and child, as well as another lad who occasionally drops by every other year. As my eldest son said to me when I probed him on the disparate nature of our family, at least it makes us more interesting people. 
As for previous partners with an axe to grind, I say, grind away because in time if one keeps on grinding, there will be no more axe to grind.
@Rups , I guess the notion is true, you can pick your friends but not your family. Shame to hear you’ve not been in touch with your children for a long while. It sort of reminds me of mum’s family in Ireland. Apart from her few brothers and her elder sister, she didn’t get on with the other family members. When my mum’s mum (my grandma) died, she was 6yrs old. The other members were step family. I can now understand why mum left Ireland for the UK in the late '60s.
I can appreciate the difficulty in reporting family if you have to live with them or come into regular contact with them, but if it’s as bad as you are describing, then as others have suggested report it to the police.
If you are receiving any support from your local adult care service or are in contact with it, report it to that body, it has a safeguarding duty under the 2014 Care Act for vulnerable people.
Take care.
Aye, take Luke for instance, he had a terribly difficult relationship with his father and an awkward one with his sister. Friends and noses you can pick but families come prepackaged.
@Rups , very well summed up.
