Hello to everyone,
My husband had a TIA in May this year.
I am hoping to find ways to help him through his emotional lows and outbursts?
He has always been and still is a lovely caring person. He has always been there for people in need and I can see what this has done to him.
I feel his pain and always try to comfort him when he is feeling low and tearful.
And when he feels frustrated I try to support him by giving him space until he is ready to talk . We do talk about his feelings and how he is feeling now after his TIA.
I am finding it hard to hold my own emotions together I donât wonât to make this about me!
But I canât stop crying in private I feel a loss and just feel that at times he is so far away?
When he feels low he keeps saying his not going to make it? This hurts me and I do try to encourage him to look to the future and that this is just a journey that we need to take. I know he feels upset when he gets frustrated, even if I tell him this is normal at the moment. He is improving and I know it will take time . But I am finding it hard to encourage him to see this and look to a future. I donât know if this makes any sense to anyone?
But any advice would be appreciated.
I love my husband so much and will always be there for him as I know he would for me.
But at times I feel lost am I getting things right or wrong??
Get him on here and we will sort him out 
Hi @Marie3 and welcome to the forum 
Having a stroke is an overwhelming emotional experience and we have all been through it on here, youâre certainly not alone! It is a shock, his brain has just suffered a major life threatening trauma and is shock. It has suffered major disruptions impacting many areas of the brain now scrambling to pick up the slack where it can, including that part of the brain that controls the emotions. Itâs why the first 6 months are the most critical, signalling pathways diverted while mop up and repairs are made, etc.
A TIA is a mild stroke, like a warning, and no doubt he is now on all the usual medications to reduce the risk for any further events. Nothing is over until itâs over!
Iâm over 4½ years post stroke now (a TIA, but theyâre all strokes) and well past that emotional stage and hopefully it will soon pass for your husband too. He and I got lightly in comparison to many others on here who live to tell their tale 5, 10, 15, years on. He will make it!
And his emotions will start calming down once he gets over his initial shock. Yes, it will always be there in the back of his mind but it wonât rule his life. Youâre on here, have him pull up a chair and join us. Read through the many, many survivors posts here. I know for me, that helped an awful lot and just one of the reasons I stay, to help others overcome that initial shock and realise there is still life after a stroke! I was back driving about 18mths after mine, I go to several fitness classes, workout down the gym, 6 mile walks, even helping my family with the painting and decorating at the momentâŚalthough I really donât rate my cutting-in 
Lorraine
Hello and welcome Maria3. Iâm not sure that anyone could give you âadviceâ, but we can all listen to you, support you and offer our own experiences of this strange new world we are now in. Please donât ever think that you are doing anything wrong. Perhaps over the next few days and weeks, you will share with us how things are for you and your husband. I think we could all identify with him, the shock of his incident, remembering how we were when it happened to us. I do admit that at times I felt that my stroke was the end of my life as I knew it. However, almost two years on I have recovered well and Iâm able to do a lot of things independently. No way am I saying that your husband will recover from his TIA, I am not a medic, but what I will say is that we, and he, will find ways to overcome and work with what has happened to him. The future for him is probably quite bleak at present, but with your love and support and possibly community support if itâs available to you, he may find a way of living with the now. As you read more of the postings on the site you will see familiar scenarios; but that is only what they are. We have all been through a similar episode, but none of us know what is in your husbandâs mind. None of us can say, âI know what youâre going throughâ, but we can say that we share his hurt and emotions. Please do use this site to talk to us. You say âitâs not about meâ but you obviously care deeply for your man, so we would want to support you too. Best wishes Norma
I cried all my first night in hospital thinking just the same. It was Christmas day and we were in lockdown. I thought that would be my last Christmas, never to see my family again. But by next day, very fortunate for me, all emotions had turned off altogether, everything set to neutral and itâs taken a couple of years for any of them to come back. I still find I have to fake an emotion just for the sake of propriety.
Lorraine
I thank you for your kind thoughts and words of support.
I came across this community by chance as was lost feelings alone.
But after reading a lot of peoples experiences I knew it was the right place to be.
Itâs real relief to have people to talk to and share with .
Marie
Thank you for sharing itâs like a weight has been lifted!
I understand everyone is different and have different ways to cope as everyone is different. But itâs boils down to the same thing a TIA ( mini stroke) or Stroke
Itâs how it effect you as a person and your loved ones.
Thank you
Welcome! I agree with the others, get him on here. Do you think heâd join the online activities too (zoom calls) I felt so hopeless and low but joining here and the online activities helped me see there were people a lot worse off than me absolutely thriving. It really really helped and Iâve made some brilliant friends too. Definitely worth a try.
Oh you are absolutely right there, to have a stroke and be taken away in an ambulance on Christmas day, my poor family didnât know if theyâd ever see me alive again. That was hell for them! I think thatâs why we laugh more than any other emotion now. We lived through it and get to tell the tale and celebrate this second chance at life. And I continue to live as healthy a life as I can. So will you and your husband to 
Lorraine
Hello @Marie3 - welcome to the community.
I note you have had a wonderful response from our members which I trust has given you some comfort and assurance - you are absolutely not doing anything wrong and neither is your hubby. All you are experiencing is fairly normal and by now you may have realised that we are all different and whilst there are many commonalities that we share with others, there are also things that are unique to us and our personal set of circumstances.
We hope to welcome your hubby to this forum soon 
Namaste|
Itâs still early days for you both, you need to process whatâs happened and you need to grieve for what youâve been through (and for what youâve lost even if itâs just your innocence). I took huge comfort from meeting other spouses at a similar stage, our community stroke team were really great and ran a few meet ups for carers and I kept in touch with the people I clicked with, they just âgetâ it cis theyâre going through the same (or worse).
Just wanted to add that things do improve a lot in first few months and science has found that the brain has more neuroplasticity than we ever thought so a full recovery is not out of the question. It just takes time and effort, never underestimate the ability of the body to heal.
Just to add that I personally found this podcast to be extremely helpful to reframe what we are going through so thought Iâd share Unsupported browser
Whenever I see something like this on any post my heart jumps for joy. I absolutely subscribe to this type of [positive] thinking. I know it is not easy and donât claim we can all do it, but at the same time, if you donât try you simply will never know.
And this comes partly from what the experts tell us on discharge e.g. after x weeks/months there will be no improvements, or you will never recover from this, this is the best you can expect and so on. With this you are left with minimal or no support to help you towards the âfull recoveryâ even if you believe it is possible. That is why we find not many people achieve a full recovery because the vast majority do not have the resources to support their plans.
Thanks again for bringing such positivity to this forum.
Please, for anyone who might get offended by what I am saying, I am not judging anyone and I mean no offense, it is just something I passionately believe and I am happy to put it in writing.
As a carer for my Mum who has been written off many times following her stroke, I am happy to be here telling you she is working towards that full recovery and the odds are stacked against her, but that has always been her philosophy.
Believe it is possible.
God bless.
Namaste|
Hi @Marie3 & welcome to the community. Sorry you have had cause to join us but I hope you find it a useful place to be.
I echo what everyone else has said so wonât repeat it but what he is experiencing is very natural. And that goes for you too. I had my stroke at a time when visiting in hospital wasnât allowed. My hubby had no clue how I was or what state Iâd be in when he saw me again. That must have been so much harder for him than me as I knew I was ok (well apart from having a stroke that is).
If you havenât already seen it have a look at this leaflet Emotional changes
I would echo getting him on this forum or at least showing him some of the messsges. Weâre a friendly bunch really
Best wishes
Ann
Hi Anne,
I am sorry that you have been through such a traumatic time too.
And thank you for your support 
and for the liflet which I will indeed read as every little bit of information is good.
I have done nothing but looks up about the after effects on a person who has unfortunately suffered a TIA/ stroke.
I do hope that you are on the road to recovery, and wish you and your family good health for the future.
And just to say you are a strong and positive person. As are all the people who share this community should feel proud of what you have achieved life has given you all a terrible blow . But with your own determination and self worth you have gained control of who you are again and I honer you all for this!
@Marie3 thank you for your kind words. I hope you find the leaflet useful. In the early days i think weâre all seeking as much info as we can get. Trying to find your way through it is really difficult and speaking to those who have lived experience can help a lot. The medical professionals can only do so much.
You sound like you are a great support for your husband but remember to look after yourself too. Thatâs really important.
Best wishes
Ann
Hi @Marie3
Welcome to the community, Iâm sorry to hear about your husbands TIA and the difficulties youâre both going through with your emotions. Itâs such a shock when these things happen so itâs understandable that emotions would a bit âall over the placeâ.
Iâm pleased to see the amount of responses youâve had and I hope youâve found comfort in these and the information that has been shared with you. The only other thing I would recommend if things get a bit too much is referring yourselves for some talking therapy. You donât need to go to a GP for this, you can refer yourself however a specific neuropsychologist may also be helpful which you would need a referral from your husbands stroke consultant (if he has one) or a GP.
If you need anything whilst using the Online Community, please donât hesitate to tag me using the @ symbol and my username.
Anna