Being new to the group I have no idea if this has been discussed previously. This may be useful for partners and family.
I was first told of this condition after confessing to numerous outbursts which I had no control over in 2017. It came to a head when I shouted out inappropriately at my father’s funeral. I laughed at inappropriate moments, I also swore out loud.
I adored my father, I never told him I’d had a stroke before he passed.
It’s a strange thing. I adore my wife and I knew she was there all through it so nothing changed. My closest family,friends? Again nothing changed.
People I’d known all my life, work colleagues, neighbours? If they lived or died?
I would laugh at sad things and cry at happy things out loud inappropriately.
The last time I did that was in Belfast with my 3 closest lifelong friends in a happy situation, while tears rolled down my cheeks. X
I believe this has been discussed but there is no harm in talking about it again as there will be new members who may not have seen previously discussed topics and also some may have missed it when previously discussed.
Also, quite often when a topic is revisited we discover new things. You should always discuss anything you would like and there will always be someone who benefits from your post.
Inappropriate laughing or crying does affect some, though not all stroke survivors. I can’t remember if an explanation has been given as to why this is the case i.e. some do it, others don’t.
I know from personal experience that this phenomenon does manifest.
As a male brought up with ‘a stiff upper lip’ I suddenly discover, post stroke, situations where powerful emotion wells up.
I think it is perfectly permissible to allow this and feel a cathartic cleansing. No-one, as far as I am aware, suffers any untoward effect from this up-welling of emotion so I feel there is no need to curb or control.
In addition after not trying to avoid these occurrences they have begun to recede and are now are a thing of the past.
My partner has been understanding and supportive. I am happy enough with myself.
In my opinion this is a phase one passes through rather than a permanent after effect of stroke.
I’m sure the powerful energy that is released can also be a healing agent.
If anything it has taught me not to be frightened of my emotions and that, with good will, things move towards improvement and growth.
I found I cried more easily, and I am not a weepie person. It was one of the other stroke survivors on the ward who told me it was a normal reaction, and I wish the staff had warned me about it because it was very distressing.
1. The disconnection between emotion and expression
You adored your father. You adore your wife. Your feelings for your closest friends are unchanged. Emotional lability doesn’t reflect what you feel —it reflects a short-circuit in the cerebellar-pontine pathways that normally allow the cortex to modulate emotional expression.
In plain terms: the “filter” or “brake” that lets you laugh quietly at a funeral or cry privately at a happy moment is damaged. The emotion that comes out isn’t fake; it’s just ungoverned and often mismatched to the social context.
2. The “who matters” distinction
The line you drew—my closest family, friends? Nothing changed. People I’d known all my life, work colleagues, neighbours? If they lived or died? —is striking.
That’s not coldness. That’s the condition clarifying something: when the social performance is stripped away by neurology, you see who was actually holding space for you versus who was holding space for a version of you that performed emotional regulation for their comfort.
Partners and family members reading this: if your loved one seems to have a narrower circle of concern after a stroke or brain injury, it’s often not a choice. The cognitive and emotional energy required to maintain peripheral relationships becomes unsustainable when the brain is already working overtime just to regulate basic expression.
It’s in the past now and an infrequent occurrence. Strangely when it was at its worst I felt it had a link to feelings of guilt and jealousy, jealousy is possibly not the correct word.
Guilty because of what I had brought upon my loved ones, overnight not only had my life changed forever but their’s had also. I was aware of the pressure my wife was under medicating me four times a day when I left hospital. She also had to stop her job to look after me for the first six months at home. I didn’t worry about myself I worried about her. It is my honest opinion that my wife went through more in the first year than I did, I was pretty much oblivious to what was going on.
Jealousy as I have said is probably the wrong word. I was fifty when I had my stroke and everything stopped overnight and I have never worked since. My close friends are guys I grew up with through school. Once I was able to go out and about they tended to spoil me, even taking me abroad for boys weekends. They wouldn’t allow me to pay for anything at that time, even if I protested.
I now know I wasn’t feeling guilt or jealousy. The emotions were brought on in my opinion by my inability to function fully in society while everything and everyone around me carried on with daily life. It was brought on by people’s kindness and my inability to accept certain situations.
This will sound crazy but I prefer the person I am today than before my strokes.
I have referred to this as the lame duck feeling rather than jealousy. I had it in buckets and spades after stroke. As @pando mentions, the cerebellar-pontine pathways, I had a bilateral cerebellar stroke (multifocal) and had my fare share of tantrums, tears and cackling post stroke. I’ve spent several years now using DBT to regulate my emotions and have got the more disruptive ones managed to a satisfactory degree. I still spontaneously guffaw when jibing with strangers which brings a smile to their face, so it doesn’t worry me. The world is such a volatile place with people doing ghastly things without emotion, thank goodness we have a direct line and can balance the emotional blindness that often leads to travesty.
I was affected in a different way. For me I was emotionally disconnected, apart from laughter. Everything was set to neutral, numbed, apart from that, you couldn’t even startle me.
I could laugh at everything and anything but I couldn’t feel sad, let alone cry at my father-in-laws funeral. But that was good as it meant I could hold it together for my hubby and kids. So it did have its plus side. I just couldn’t feel anything, and I loved my in-laws like my own parents.
So I had to fake all my emotional responses . . . fake it ‘til you make it And that’s not easy, but I was never any good at playing “let’s pretend” as a child either My family started sneaking up on me to try and startle me, it became a game, along with other things, to awaken my emotions again. 5 years on from my stroke, my daughter still likes to sneak up in carparks when we’re out…and I try not to startle
But I know I’m still lacking some, I can see that in my writing on here. Emotions are there but muted some. And thankfully the laughter has calmed down because that was a little embarrassing at times. Well, not for me personally because I couldn’t feel that
I suffered with excessive crying. Often for no apparent reason and for long periods of time. It has improved over time but it does still catch me out. Like you I had the issue when I was in hospital but noone told me what it was so I thought I was being a bit melodramatic. It’s frustrating at best embarrassing at its worst.
This forum can be good for looking back and realising just how far you have come from those early months You do forget just how bad it was, as you are so wrapped up in how you are in your present condition.
It’s always a good reminder that not all your recovery is visible. At the times you may think that you have “plateaued”, that nothing more has improved. It could just be that the more invisible conditions are being repaired and reinstated
@JimBob65 , @EmeraldEyes is right. I too am going through something similar at the moment. My emotions are raw at the moment. Do your best to find peace. There is no time limit on grief.
My family started sneaking up on me to try and startle me, it became a game, along with other things, to awaken my emotions again. 5 years on from my stroke, my daughter still likes to sneak up in carparks when we’re out…and I try not to startle 
You do forget just how bad it was, as you are so wrapped up in how you are in your present condition.