Emotional support - caring for someone else

Hello My husband aged78 had a haemorrhagic stroke 18 months ago. He was in acute stroke wards for 12 weeks followed by rehab so in hospital for a total of 7 months. He can walk very slowly to & from the loo but sits in wheelchair most of the time. He has a hospital bed to help him sit up and needs help washing showering & getting dressed.
He is cognitively OK but still has some problems swallowing.
I am 79 have MS & arthritis - I need a right hip replacement - it is very painful & I am having trouble keeping in my feet - and I have no choice given my husbands lack of mobilty. The hip replacement would mean a difficult recovery as it is on my MS affected side & tge surgeon has advised me the new joint would be at risk of dislocating.

So I am dealing with preparing all meals, correspondance - he has never mastered using a mobile phone or tablet - organising gardening, house repairs etc. I am also trying to motivate him to do the recommended exercises but worst aspect is that my husband has lost his ability to communicate on an emotional level - I feel he treats me as one of his carers or a nurse. The normal rapport between husband & wife is no longer there and I am in tears quite a lot of the time. He just seems detached after 55 years of marriage.

He is housebound as I cannot manage him in a wheelchair & he is not able to get in & out of the car. This means we can’t go anywhere together and I have difficulty going out on my own in case I fall which would mean we would both be in trouble. I have fallen in the house 6 times this year. Before his stroke he was my unofficial

It is difficult to see any happy days ahead. We have a daughter who lives an hour away but she chooses to be estranged from us so no help there.

My MS means I suffer from fatigue & along with my painful hip each day is a struggle. I feel guilty when I get frustrated & angry as having the stroke has been such a shock for my husband who was a fit 77 year old swimming 2times each week and walking our dog - who has had to be fostered - 4 times a day. It is hard to see him struggle to cope with this new challenging life although unlike me he rarely complains.

I am sorry to be full of complaints but lately I have been feeling overwhelmed particularly emotionally.


Omg you poor things u are going through most awful time I am assuming u have help come in to help both of you with everything. I look after my hubby he is 58 had 2 strokes in last 2 months but also has terminal COPD which is very hard I get very tearful more so the last few weeks i no what u mean re relationship disappearing we have the same problem hubby also has diabetes type 2 high blood pressure depression so he is very poorly oops forgot arthritis as well. I wish u all the luck. X


Thank you Dougal - I am so glad to have found the forum as I have no one to share my distress & frustration about the emotional difficulties a spouse can encounter because of the stroke. Just to know someone else understands is very helpful


Your very welcome I am also isolated cause I live out in the sticks buses not regular don’t drive and don’t like relying on other people thank goodness for online shopping as in food shop. Please msg me if u want a chat anytime ok xx


May the great polar bear in the sky god bless uber eats!!! But I do live in London…

K :polar_bear: :wink:


You are going through so much.

I have not spoken to my actual parents - my mother and father - who live 20 mins away or 7 in a car- for a while (3 yrs) and when I had my series of strokes and they knew they did not contact me. I am in touch with aunts etc and some family but it really hurts so I getcha @TheGyles

I don’t know if it will ever resolve

I hope it will but if it doesn’t so what.

It’s them not you or me.

We are special and we really are!!

Talk to me anytime


:polar_bear: :wink:

Opening date nears for polar bear mum and twin cubs at zoo on edge of Peak  District - Derbyshire Live


Hi @TheGyles and welcome to the forum, you’ve certainly come to the right place for support and understanding :people_hugging:

I’m a stroke survivor, I had 2 TIA’s nearly 3yrs ago and I can certainly relate. Emotionally, I was numb after the stroke too, but it did gradually return in that first year or so…though some emotions I could do without :roll_eyes: It could be the medications or it could be the brain’s way of preventing any further stress or trauma while it fights to heal and recover what it can. Unfortunately it can take a long and the rate recovery depends also on the severity of the stroke.

As MSGAdmin advised @Dougal, you too could all call the helpline
Check out the Caring for someone category where you can find others with similar lived experience.
You can always call our helpline too on 0303 3033 100 and get friendly support and information.

You could also get in touch with AgeUK to getting help with your situation.


@TheGyles Hi & welcome to the forum. Sorry your husband has had a stroke but hopefully you’ll get plenty of advice & support here.

You are going through an awful lot. Do you have any carers coming in to help with your hysband? If not, perhaps see if you can get some help. You need to look after yourself as well as your husband so any help, however little, would help.

Emotions are often affected after stroke but there is always hope that they will improve over time. Have a look at this leaflet which may help explain it a bit.

My GP surgery run events for carers. Maybe you have something similar where you are that you can tap into.

Call the Stroke Association helpline too. You can get lots of advice from them.

Srnding my very best wishes.

Ann x

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My husband has been home now for 17 days, and yes, it’s hard to reconcile the person he appears to be now with the one I’ve lived with for 44 years.
I’ve realised over these days that although his speech is impaired, he’s doubly incontinent and scared silly of trying to stand he actually is, inside, the man I married. I can tell from his facial expressions whether he his happy, or whether he thinks I’ve lost the plot, and when he actually gets cross enough his speech appears to come back. Yes, I have told him he’s a fraud and if he can speak loud enough to tell me off he can speak loud enough to ask where the remote is.
I’m writing this to let you know that OK, the physical person you married 11.5 years ago may not be there, but you will find that he’s most likely the same person inside, and please talk to him as if he is. Don’t talk for him, and please, when he is trying to do something, even if it’s extremely difficult, let him ask for help. It’s very hard, but it’ll help him believe in himself.
You, as the carer, wife, lover and whatever else you were to him, are going to have an uphill journey, but we can all stand with you, and we’re all going through the same journey together. Sadly whilst transport drivers are on strike the journeys seem to take a lot longer, but we’ll all get there in the end.



I don’t know if you’ve seen 40 things… ?

My wife @BakersBunny used to run a SA carers online group till they closed it - she’ll restart it in the new year but if you folk want to chat via zoom the link is https://bit.ly/StrokeCarersCafe
@Dougal @Shelbo @TheGyles and any other carers

Feel free to coordinate (eg by private message) your selfs or via Lea(BB) or me - if you wish



No, I hadn’t seen it, and thank you for pointing me in that direction. Mainly it’s common sense. I’ll have to work on the rest.


still need someone to talk to asd i am low

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I’m gonna be on zoom in 10 minutes

I guess others will be there, but that may or may not prove to be true.

You’ll be able to talk -You seemed to say that you knew how to zoom but just click on the link say no to the downloads if it asks you yes to the “view in browser” or continue in browser.


It’s an offer of someone to talk to


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@tricia3 i’m really sorry you are feeling so low today. Please do take up Simon’s offer of joining zoom. The link is in the previous message.

Please also call someone like the Samaritans on 116 123. They are trained to deal with situations like yours & will be able to offer some support.

Have you told your son how you are feeling? Please give him a call too.

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its not working, i do need someonevto talk tyo

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not a lot as i dont want to cause a rift when he comes om friday

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cant get into to zoom for some reason

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We were there from 4:00 till 5:30
You arrived at 5:50
I’ll let you know when we are meeting next


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just cant get into it as no is on there

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feel i cant talk to anbody on here feel so lost and alone

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