My father has recently had an hemorrhagic stroke and is currently in hospital. I was just wondering if anyone would be willing to share with me their memories from the first few days and weeks after a stroke. What do you remember and what do you feel helped you the most in the first weeks of recovery?
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Just knowing you aren’t alone and that someone cares is a good start, There is much to go through for both the carer and the cared for, but having one another is a sure foundation.
Build on it and know you are not alone.
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@Sarah4 hi & welcome to the community. Sorry to hear of your father’s stroke & I hope he is doing ok.
I agree with @Bobbi.
I think in my early days I was in such a daze I didn’t really know what I wanted. I took a lot of comfort from the support I had from family & friends as I tried to come to terms with what had happened.
I was fortunate that one of my friends was an Occupational therapist & they took time to viait me & explain what had happened and how it might affect me. That was more than I got from the Drs & helped me loads.
The biggest thing for me was fatigue so whilst it was important for people to pop by & for my rehab to start I needed lots of rest & sleep. Time to do that was very important.
Wishing you both all the best.
Ann
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Hi Sarah and welcome to our community. Sorry to hear of your father’s stroke.
For me the first days and weeks following my stroke are all a bit of a daze.
I don’t actually remember anyone explaining what had happened to me and how it would impact my life. My husband and my grown-up children came to visit daily and it was comforting to know that they were there to support me.
Once friends and other family started to visit, I found the visits exhausting and at one point my husband actually had to put people off.
Regards Sue
Sending best wishes and positive thoughts to both of you.
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Hello @Sarah4 – Welcome to the community.
I am pleased you have found us in very early stages of your father’s haemorrhagic stroke as I feel this may help you better plan his post-stroke care, though I am sorry this has happened 
I expect there are many people on this forum who will be willing to share their memories and experiences and some of these may well help you and your father. That said, each of us are unique and our strokes are specific to us as is our recovery from the stroke.
For that reason, we have to try to understand or work our what is best for us i.e. what works for someone else may not necessarily work for us, but it can still guide us. Some of the choices we have to make might not be easy and the help and support we get may not be consistent with what others may have got.
I would say that in a situation like this, knowledge is power and the more knowledge you have the easier it might be for you to travel the road ahead.
I have written quite a detailed “Early Memories and Things that helped us” which you can read by clicking on the below link.
***Early Memories and Things that helped us***
What follows is our memories and actions and what we feel helped us to be here today 
The incident is very clear in our memories as we witnessed the stroke as it was happening and immediately called the emergency services. They arrived within minutes, possibly 10 minutes or so and within half an hour we were in the A&E of our local hospital.
Optimism - At this stage were very optimistic because as per the FAST stroke guidelines were had got Mum the best chance of survival and treatment.
Pessimism – Whilst in A&E and after the thrombolytic agent (clot-busting drug) had been administered we were informed it hadn’t worked and the clot was still there. And there was nothing else that could be done, as it seems this either works or it doesn’t. Whilst this was still sinking in, we were given new hope.
New Hope – Because the thrombolytic agent had not worked and because we had got to A&E quickly, there was a chance the clot could be removed using another technique. There is another hospital nearby (Charing Cross, London) where a specialist can attempt to remove the clot (How this is done is not known to us) and we can be taken there. So back in the ambulance and off to the next stop, Charing Cross hospital.
Hopes Dashed / Resignation – Formalities explained, waivers signed, Mum went off to have the clot removed. Two hours later, consultant came bac and delivered the bad news 
Despite his best efforts, the clot did not budge and there is nothing more that can be done. After Mum had stabilised she is discharged back to local hospital where she is in acute stroke unit. We are told, this is it and we should not expect any sort of recovery.
Reality Check / Realisation – So the hospital staff are just keeping Mum comfortable – she is on drip but due to the severity of her condition she is declared nil-by-mouth and so she is not getting any food or drinks by mouth. We are allowed to stay with her and help keep her comfortable. We talk to her and hold her hand, stroke her hand and head etc. It is often repeated she is in a serious state and we should not expect too much and time ticks on.
Zombie / Confused – Due to lack of useful information and nothing happening other than Mum lying in bed but doing her own thing we don’t really know what to do or expect (other than “she may not make it”).
Fight back – Despite what we are told by the doctors, we see Mum “active” she is trying to work out what is going on. Her head is moving, her eyes are active and it seems she is aware of what is happening around her. She is fighting for her life. Seeing this and knowing her personality we talk to her and try to reassure her. We tell her where she’s at and what to expect. We tell her not to worry, things will be fine and we tell her it is OK for her to do whatever she wants to do. By this, we are talking about her wishes based on personal beliefs – things discussed pre-stroke when she was well.
We don’t know for sure if she fully understands what has happened or what we are saying but we suspect she does. Stroke has robbed her of communications – no verbal no sign language.
Faith/Trust – Now we put our trust in faith. We keep telling Mum she is free to do as she wishes. If she wishes to fight on, she can or if she wishes to go on to meet her maker, that is also OK. We reiterate the message and we let her know we fully support her and whatever she decides to do.
So there has been all sorts of messages and emotions going on during this initial period which lasts about a month.
Mum has been in hospital for a month or so since being admitted. She has not had much other than what might be described as palliative care from the hospital. After she had settled in the Stroke Acute Care (SAC) ward, she was transferred to the Stroke Care (this was about after a week or two). In the Stroke Ward she continued to receive palliative care and by now she was on medications to support her – no feed (nutrition) or drinks yet as she is still by mouth.
Summary
This early period and memories cover the first month or so post-stroke where we experienced al sorts of emotions. There was also some anger towards insensitive doctors who told us not to expect much and even worse. But we kept faith and Mum kept fighting and after a month or so we move to the next phase. That is when we challenge the doctors, in particular what they are telling us and what they are [not] doing for Mum.
That is for another post …
… these @Sarah4 are our early memories.
What helped us was our firm beliefs and knowledge of what Mum would have wanted or what she would have done had she been able to. Each day we spent with her, we saw here will to live grow stronger and stronger and we knew we had to fight for her as she was not able to do so herself.
I should add here, the other patients and their families in the ward were all dealing with and handling their situation as per their beliefs and situations.
Remember, this is our story and our memories. We all have different ways of handling situations.
We have a choice to make and we have to weigh up the options and do what we believe to be right for us.
Namaste|
Wishing you and your father all the best.
Namaste|
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Hi @Sarah4
I’m sorry to hear about your father’s recent stroke.
I hope being part of this community offers some reassurance that neither if you are alone. I’m sure these guys will continue to give their support by sharing their experiences to help answer some of your questions.
Just in case you want some additional information and support. We have some information about memory and thinking on our website, which you can find here. You might also find it helpful to speak to our Stroke Helpline team too. You can call them on 0303 3033 100 or find out how they can help here.
If you need anything whilst you’re using the Online Community, please feel free to tag the Community Coordinator @Anna_moderator into your post or contact us directly through the service desk.
Wishing you and your father all the best.
Nicola
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