Dad recently had a stroke, advice required

Hi all - sadly my dad had a severe stroke just under 2 weeks ago. He is still in hospital and will probably be there for a while.

The first week he was a bit more awake, he had limited speech but did recognise us. We are trying for someone to visit him once a day, however the last few days when we visit him he has been exhausted and mostly/entirely asleep. I know fatigue is a big issue stroke patients face, but I just wanted to check if this is normal. Also, if he is that tired should we reduce daily visits to give him time to rest?

He also seems quite anxious, but we are unsure what we can do to help him. Again I understand anxiety is a big struggle for stroke patients.

Thank you in advance for any advice or guidance you may be able to share.

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How about asking him - he can give a thumbs up or down, surely?

One thought I have ; if he says no it might be meant to upset you (as a protest). That’s fair enough. Think about how much distress he is going through! But, my instincts say you are his main lifeline right now. Persist. Look at the big picture, and when he is home, one day, what action would you be happy with?

Hope that makes some sense ! Good luck.
Viktor Frankl: “What is to give light must endure burning.”

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Hi @Louise1234 & welcome to the community. Sorry to hear of your dad’s stroke.

Fatigue & anxiety are very common after a stroke and it will take a while for that to settle down. I agree with @pando with regards to asking him about visiting. I wasn’t allowed visitors after my stroke which I was upset about at the time but looking back I think it was a good thing as allowed me to rest more. On the flip side you do look forward to visits as it can be a very long day in hospital with very little to look forward to. You could always reduce the length of time you visit for or just sit quietly by him so he knows you are there but doesn’t feel overwhelmed by all the chatter.

I suspect him being more tired this week is to be expected but I would be tempted to double check what the drs say. I am sure if they were concerned they would have mentioned something to you.

It is very very early days yet and there will be many ups and downs along the way. Take it one day at a time & things will start to become clearer as each day passes.

Best wishes

Ann

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Normally, I would happily start offering advice which is a result of me being a carer for a stroke survivor who had it tough from the word go. When this happened to us, we were clueless and a bit slow off the mark in finding help and information etc. Since then we have seen and learned a lot and have tried to share it on this forum.

With the pre-amble out of the way, I would like to start by saying you come across as clued up and “relaxed” - sorry, I can’t find the best word, but I am trying to say you appear not to be panicking or stressing which from my point of view is good.

The advice I can offer is firstly try (and you may not succeed) to get as much accurate and reliable information from the stroke team caring for your Dad. They should be best placed to give the best advice and information about your Dad’s condition. This is very important because what happens next depends on knowing exactly where your Dad sits on the post-stroke recovery path.

There is no single piece or collection of information that I can give because it really depends on knowing where your Dad is. That said, there are things you can do such as remain very calm.
Your Dad will likely be able to communicate in some way - this might be verbally or sign language etc. Be patient and give him time to respond. You say he had limited speech and recognised you in the first week. This is good because it means he is able to communicate, but he may not wish to if he is tired and needs rest.

Rest - he may need a lot of rest as he recovers from the stroke and this usually means he will sleep a lot. This is fine, let him rest. Whist he’s resting, you (or visitors) can sit by his bed and you can hold his hand and stroke his hand etc. but don’t force him to wake up. If he is awake or responds to touch and wakes, talk to him, let him know you are there and assure him he is being looked after in hospital which right noe is probably the best place for him.

My advice is be there for him, let him come around in his own time, try and find out what his care plan will likely look like from the doctors and think about how you might facilitate this i.e. where and how he will be cared for etc.

Until you know his exact condition, you cannot know what you can do to help. Right now the best thing you can do is be there, hold him, speak to him, let him know you love him and he should try not to worry - he is in hospital and he is in good hands. This may help him relax. When is communicates, listen and respond as appropriate.

You may have many questions as his care needs are identified, but for now, I believe he just needs to know his loved ones are there for him. If he is able to make decisions then he should be allowed to do so and be listened to - this is about him and his care needs. He will need help and that is what you and the other members of the family and friends can do.

Visiting him and being there for him as much as you can is good in my view, but you only respond when he needs you. When you go there to visit, ask the care team how he is and how he is responding and then decide if you sit with him. You can read to him, talk to him, play music (not too loud) etc.

At this stage, it is difficult to offer specifics, but in time as you know more about the situation I am sure we will be able to offer more.

The care he needs is specific to his condition and this may depend on the severity of the stroke, how much help he requires, how old he is (age plays a big part in the type of recovery and the help he may get). Also, though it should not be the case, the establishment where he is being cared for makes a big difference - they do not all work to the same standards and do not all have the same resources. On that front, you should try and do as much research as possible as to what you/your Dad would like in terms of being cared for and the post-stroke rehab.

I wish you and your Dad all the best.

Namaste|
:pray:

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Hi louise1234. I am sorry to hear of your dad’s recent stroke. It is just as difficult for the family as it is for the stroke survivor, so as a family I would say take a step back and recover from the shock you have all had as well. Your dad will be tired and anxious that is all normal after affects of a stroke.

I am 22 months post stroke and I still get very tired. Sometimes I have to have a short nap in the afternoon and am in bed by 7 or 8pm!! I used to go to bed between 11pm and midnight but I can no longer stay up. It will all be strange to your dad and upsetting too. We lose everything after a stroke, our dignity, and independence, but with time, physio and help we learn to adapt to our new world. It is frightening and we feel lost. Visiting your dad is good but from my experience a little at a time and maybe one at a time if possible gives your dad the space to sleep when he needs too. He could be anxious as he doesn’t want to upset his family by wanting a little time on his own. He has a lot to contend with right now and will probably start to feel lost, frustrated and embarrassed too. Not for anything in particular but just not being able to say or do things as he used too.

The road to recovery can be a long, hard and bumpy one, but always remain positive and this will also support your dad’s recovery too. I wish you all well for the future, and may your dad recover in his own time, even if this is slow, there is always hope. I didn’t think I would be able to move my right side again, but with patience and acceptance I have some of my right side working, a bit slow and awkward, but I manage to do a few little movements. I hope he begins to recover soon. Best wishes

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I wish someone had explained to me about the emotional effects. These are near the surface, so don’t be upset if your Dad cries from time to time, or laughs, or gets stroppy. inappropriately. With us buttoned-up Brits, it can be distressing when we do this, but it is a natural follow-on from the stroke to some of us. A lot that happens in hospital is undignified, bewildering, illogical and distressing, and a lot of care falls short of the mark. Visits show your Dad that you are there for him, and he doesn’t have to be tough - he still has your love. You are doing very well, kindness is all.

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