Dad had a stroke


I have  joined today because my dad went into hospital for a knee replacement 18th October  ( age 65, just retired and fit as a fiddle / type 2 diabetes)

anyway oo went amazing but the following morning he took a turn and it turned out to be an ischaemic stroke .

Total shock , upset and anger for my amazing dad 

he had a left side stroke affecting speech and right side paralysis ? Ontop of a new knee on left leg , he then ended up with a low volume clot on lung and an infection.

i just wish he could grab a break from all this to be Able to recover .

As a family we have seen many il else throughout the year but this is the first stroke .

thanks for listening 



Very sorry to hear that news Cat, just now you're clearly going to feel devastated, stroke is a cruel event and very frightening for all concerned.  However, there are plenty of amazing stories on this site, about progress and recovery.  Have a browse and read some of these stories.  You will feel reassured and learn a great deal, which will help you to support your Dad.  You've come to the right place for advice, take a short cut and learn from everyone else's experiences.  Things may look gloomy now, but stay positive and patient, recovery is possible with a good balance of rest and exercise.  

Take care, best wishes xx

Thank you 

myself and my dads partner are using the motto 

“Slow and steady wins the race “

it truly is one of the cruelest things I have ever witnessed.

the staff at the hospital are amazing . 

Just feel so helpless most of the time ?

Oh dear Cat477,

So sorry for you, your family and of course for Dad.

Many would have passed away with that onslaught, but Dad has survived so he must be a special person.

With the other medical issues, things will be very confusing. But for the stroke, medical discahrge will probably come quite soon. That will be the beginning of Dads long voyage to recovery. 

I was 68 when I was bitten. Paralysis except for right hand. Couldnt even sit myself up or turn my head. Then one morning the miracle arrived and I stood up and walked. Well staggered, but I got out the ward and up the coridor. Miracles do happen and I am sure its not just me that gets the helping hand.

I will never recover to my previous self. But there is a new me rising out the ashes. Things improve all the time, albeit so slowly. 

Never give up.

Get Dad to smile. And be positive

Come on back here when you want our experiences. 


And please say hello to Dad from me, a fellow stroke survivor.


Pleased that you have Dad in a good hospital, hopefully he is on a specialist stroke ward where he will receive good care from experienced staff.  Your motto is spot on - Dad will need lots of rest, and even more rest - don't underestimate how much effort it will take his brain to re-route.  He will also need exercise to maximise his recovery.  In these early days he will need the reassurance that you are there for him, which may just mean being a physical prescence, he may not be able to give you much at the moment but that will come later.  His brain will prioritise what it needs to do and it will need rest to be able to do its stuff!!  If you have time, try to keep a simple diary of his progress, it doesn't need to be detailed but it will be very useful to refer to as time moves on, you'll be surprised at how many little changes happen.

Take care xx and try to stay positive, not easy but it's important ? xx

Hello Cat, welcome to this board. It is so helpful to have other people in the same situation to talk to and offer advice. I wish we’d availed ourselves of it a lot sooner. Your approach to taking a step at a time is very sensible as is keeping a simple diary. Each little bit of progress has to be celebrated. When I saw my husband totally incapacitated, no speech or movement and his face distorted, all within five minutes of climbing into bed, it was a shock. I kept a diary for a short time and it was so useful to look back and remind John how far he has come! On Thursday, we’re flying out to Spain for a holiday and taking advantage of airport assistance. 

On an even more positive note is the story of my Mam. In 2002 she had a heart attack and was transferred to the Freeman for an angiogram which caused a Stroke. Two years later she decided to come on holiday with us,,,,,,to fulfill a dream! Our destination was New Zealand and we spent six weeks away travelling, first to Singapore for 5 days with my sister, 4 days in Sydney as we had to change planes, 3 weeks doing both islands by car (3000 km) and a further 3 days in Singapore with my sister again. My Mam was 78 years old! At age 55 she  had broken her hip and had struggled for 15 years until she was given a replacement. By then one leg was shorter than the other so she had some difficulty walking. Our view of NZ was from a wheelchair! We have lots of stories of her achievements on that trip alone,,,,helicopter ride onto the Franz Josef Glacier, climbing into a 10 seater plane to hop over to Fjiordland, bathing in the sulphur baths in Rotorua,,,, enjoying a Hangi,,,,, I see your Dad is only 65 so he has a huge amount of time to enjoy life.

 For John and myself our plans for the future have been altered because of his Stroke but not abandoned. We just do things differently. For him Stroke Fatigue has been a nightmare but he is now coping a lot better. Hope Dad’s progress continues and we look forward to hearing about him. Meantime, take care yourself, Veronica and John 

Hi Cat

My Dad had a stroke on the 26th Aug, he is 70 very fit, played golf every week, still worked and drove all over the country.  I do know exactly how you are feeling, my day had limited swallow and was intially fed through a tube, he could not speak and right side paralysis.  Now after 10 weeks he can eat normally and his speech is getting there.  He still gets confused but improving every day.  His right side mobility is still limited but he can stand now and walk with 2 people supporting him.  No use of the right arm, but he is due to come out of hospital this week and come home with early discharge team and carer intervention.  You will all have good days and bad, my Dad also had DVT, clot on the lung and legion on the kidney in the early days, but this has now been rectified.  If you need any advice this is the best place, people have fantastic experiences to share.  Good luck, our moto is onwards and day at a time, 

Hi Colin 

Thank you so much for getting back to me and taking the time to give me “hope “ and to remain positive which we are , it’s just tough and I can’t begin to understand how awful it is for dad to really trapped inside a body not fully working .

we have a long road ahead and will do everything we can to get him through this .

i really appreciate your response , it gave me peace and hope I could sleep last night with a smile instead of a cry 



Hi Sarah 

thank you so much for your very kind response .

its so reassuring to hear stories from survivors and family members helping someone through as it’s such a rollercoaster .

your dad had a lot thrown at him as well in one go . I don’t know if I’m much help just now but here if you need an ear ! 

The  human spirit just astounds dad has always had such inner strength and he’s a proper gentleman , like most he’s my world ?

I have felt so useless with this and so my way of coping is I keep a diary ( paper trail) of each day both medically for myself and dads partner , whom like me is there everyday  and I send him a. WhatsApp every day telling him of each day and how much I love him- he may read it or not but it helps .

im so grateful for your response , thank you and wishing dad lots of luck on his recovery and to you


 Carri x

Thank you John and Veronica 

oh my goodness what a lot you have all been through.

your story made me gasp and smile all at once.

i think the power of positivity is the way forward.

i hope you both have the most  amazing holiday together .

Thank you so much for taking the time , it’s amazing to hear all these stories .

we feel like we are useless just now but we are there for him every step of the way .

happy packing ! 

Thank you carri xx

Thanks so you so much for your message .

the messages I have received has really helped.

after yesterday I was so low mostly for dad as he faces each day in his body which at moment isn’t doing what he wants and he’s very aware 

I know we will have great days and not so great days , just trying to pick out each and every little positive to help us push forward.

thanks again


carri xx

Hi Carri

I know it is difficult but you must try and keep your spirits up and be positive around your Dad (I cried when I was on my own)  My Dad does not remember having the stroke, going in the ambulance, being in resus or the 1st couple of weeks of being in hospital.  I to keep a healing diary as Dad does not see how much progress he has made in the last 10 weeks.  Everyone will tell you and your Dads partner to try and have some time to yourself.  I encouraged my Mum to go away on a pre-arrange trip with friends for a couple of days as I think it is important to not loose sight that you have a life too and you need to look after yourself, you will be no good to Dad if you are not well.   My Dad was happy for my Mum to go, but did make her feel guilty after by telling her that he felt ill because she was away!!! Unfortunatly with a stroke the filter is sometimes not there!

It is good to have fellow friends and family members of SS to talk to as I think I felt very lonely as I was trying to be there for everyone.   I do feel much better now, my Mum is terrified that Dad is coming home this week, but strangely I feel excited as I know this is the next stage.  Dad was due to go to a rehab centre from the stroke unit he is on, but he was 'too good' for a couple and the others were so far away and his emotional state is not good and the hospital felt that this could harm his recovery if he did not have his family in to see him regularly.

Always here if you need to chat, I'm a couple of weeks further on and may be able to help!


Sarah x

Dear Carri

Being trapped by paralysis wasnt too bad. Probably worse for those around me rather than for me. But for me the paralysis didnt last long. It is annoying when bits of me still dont work but again thats not too bad. 

It is indeed a long journey. Your support for Dad is good. But there is a limit to what you can do. It soon becomes up to Dad to effect the recovery. And he will flounder over how to make some of the moves forward.

There is always hope and Dad should never give up. Recovery is possible after years. let alone months and weeks. 

Look after yourself. Dad needs consistent and reliable support. Its a triathlon and not a 60 meter sprint. Think about where you will be this time next year.

So pleased you got some sleep.


Hi Cat. Stroke is a terrifying experience for everyone and many of us who have had them thought we were fit. I was 72 when I had mine and it resulted in left side weakness. I could not stand, walk or use my left arm and hand. Two and a half years on I can walk with a stick, cook, bake and do some household tasks.

Dad has survived, but now the hard work begins. Medication will stabilise him, but he will have to work hard at physios, so encourage him all you can. I found progress painfully slow, but it did happen. Fortunately, I did not lose my speech or any mental capacity, but that just meant I was all the more frustrated. Stroke, however, is a brain injury and cannot be cured by a few pills. The brain will re-wire itself but, as Colin says, you cannot be the person you were. You have to accept you are a new version of your old self and then live accordingly.

A common problem, however, is post stroke fatigue, about which very little is known. Mine hit me on my second day out of hospital and sent me to bed every day for two to three hours. I have got this down to one hour a day. It always comes on at 11.30 am and send me to bed at 1pm. It is all the more odd since, after a good night’s sleep, I have only been up four hours. But after my rest I can stay awake and reasonably with it till 11.30pm....some nine hours after I get up from my rest. Clearly, the brain needs to rest, but the time difference I find most peculiar.

Encourage dad all you can. I am sure he has lots of love and support already. Like us, dad is now a survivor and will improve I am sure. Wish him all the best.

Hi John - you're right, it is odd that the body/brain seems to need to rest after only being awake for a few hours.  My husband used to get up, shower, dress, have breakfast and then need to sleep again!!  It has improved, but he often needs that 'early' rest and then he's ok for the rest of the day, (but we usually go to bed between 9-10pm, as we have to be up at 05.45!! Ouch!) 

Have a good evening, Nic

Thank you so much for your reply John.

he is definitely  suffering fatigue a lot now . The stroke was the morning after knee replacement and then the clot 5 days after that, plus infection?

he has slept a lot yesterday after physio and today a lot although at points today I felt he was resting and not wanting to do what they asked or communicate with us , which I understand .

its a complicated thing the Brain so slow and steady will do.

im just scared for him at the moment but would never show it .

Thank you so much for taking the time to share and listen it means a lot ! 


Hi Cat - try to establish a ratio of rest and exercise, initially he will need more rest than exercise, but that ratio can gradually change as your Dad grows stronger.  He needs to respond to his body/brain's needs, it's very tempting to push too far, and then suffer for it afterwards.  If you have time, google "Letter from your brain"  - it's very moving, but also very helpful, and will give you an insight to what Dad is experiencing.  (I still read it almost every week, as it keeps reminding me of ways that I can help my husband).  I hope you find it useful, you may want to have tissues at the ready, it's emotional ?

Thank you will do that x

Thank you so much for this xxx

Omg I feel helpless and like a pot about to boil over .

4 weeks today dads stroke was so many ups and downs and let downs by nhs.


had a meeting with charge nurse/ DR /Physio yesterday and was the most deflating negative crap I have ever heard .


physio opinion. Infuriated me as he’s only been Awake this past week and they have only taken him to physio twice in 7 days for 15 mins and telling us he won’t regain mobility etc I’m livid !!

soeech and language who spend maybe 30 mins with him over a week are saying he only understands 1 word in a sentence ( nonsense he understands and communicates with us no problem ) 

medically they have done all they can it’s now rehab - they decided to tell us they could “reach out “ to Astley ainslie but they probably wouldn’t take him as still has feed tube in ( feeds himself one handed soup / porridge & pudding ) 

also due to double incontinence ( catheter in but signalling for bottle they won’t give him  one ) 

mother choice in few weeks will be out my amazing hard working in recovery dad to a nursing home or take him home with full package .


furious with his negative presentation , they don’t know half the man he is and we asked for meeting with consultant today which she said he’s to then decided no she can’t so sending her minion .

trying to stay calm ??