My mum suffered a dense stroke back in May this has left her in a wheelchair with no speech, I am now her Carer ( as well as  Care package of 2x carers 4 times a day). She seems very depressed and has indicated she no longer wants to be here, this is very upsetting for me, any words of advice on how to cope with this from people in a similar situation? Thanks Tracy 

Hi Tracy, I experienced the same with my Mum and it is definately not easy, but I found support with my local Carers Centre who were very understanding and gave me some good practical advice. I was also able to speak freely about how I was feeling without fear of upsetting any other family members and this was a great help to me. I felt calmer and able to cope a bit better The Carers section on the guide is also very informative.  I do hope you get some support as it is not easy tackling this alone.  Take care, best wishes Maureen

Hi Tracy

I am sorry to hear this, it must be so hard for you right now. As Maureen has pointed out, there are services and support for you as a carer, the Carers section on this site is valuable, but also you could contact Carers UK for more detailed and direct support for you -

Definitely seek advice on here from other people who have found themselves in a position of caring for their loved one, you could also join our private Carers Group - 


I hope this helps, please seek support on here as and when you need it.

Take care


What what can I say I feel so alone, my husband had stroke in November 17 I have now become his career,  I’ve lost my best friend life is so hard. Outwardly I carry on there’s only one word that describes the situation we have found ourselves in and that it’s horrendous, life changing in all aspects and those closest to you don’t understand. Sorry to be so negative.

I am so sorry to hear this. Like Maureen my Mum had a severe stroke and has no speech and is in wheelchair. I felt the exact same and very upset. Also like Maureen I have found such great support from the Carers Centre and no longer feel alone. There is great advice at the Carers Centre and different things that could be useful for you. I hope you can find this helpful. Take Care


Hi I can certainly know where you are co ming from my husband has just had a stroke and a heart attack although I have the support from family I too feel so alone missing him so very much I'm on sick at the moment but will have to return to work and having the added worry of my husband's care on top is very daunting I hope you and your husband are well and that you are coping better xx

hello sorry iv just come across your message 

my partner had a massive stroke in February this year this has left him in a wheelchair with full left side weakness, I have had to give my job up to look after him so I know how lonely and lost your feel.

How are you both doing now I would appreciate any advice from you if you are ok with that thank you 

This is a difficult situation - it took me a while to realise that we are experiencing a form of grief.  I couldn't work out why I felt so sad all the time, when my husband was still alive and making steady progress.  We have to be strong in ourselves in order to support and reassure the person who has suffered the stroke, but this is tiring and puts a great strain on the relationship, and our own health and well-being.  

I had to return to work shortly after my husband's stroke, and I was really scared of leaving of him, especially as he was having seriously 'dark' thoughts at one point in his recovery.  However, things will get better, as you can read on this site, people are always making progress.  It may be that there isn't outward, visible progress, but the brain is working hard to re-wire itself and to find out new ways of managing.  All strokes and recoveries are unique, but some common factors are present - fatigue being the main culprit, followed swiftly by frustration.  Your husband will appreciate your support and knowing you are there for him.  Stroke survivors always mention how much they need the support of their partner.  Your feelings of sadness, concern and confusion are normal, you are also experiencing a life-changing event.  You will move forwards together, and you will look back on this time and realise this.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing!  Meanwhile take the advice that others have given you, and always remember that you're not alone.

Thinking of you, best wishes xx 

Thank you for your post, we in some sort of routine it’s easier for my husband if he has a routine. He still has trouble dressing we try to laugh when he constantly puts his T-shirt on backwards & he still finds it difficult to put his coat on. They also retired him so he has so many changes in his life but he’s still here.

You have echoed my experience almost exactly. My husband had a haemorrhaging stroke on 15th November and I am now his carer. The consultant at the time kept repeating that his stroke was life changing. I heard him but didn’t really take it in until recently. John is making small steps of recovery all the time and I just have to cling onto the hope that he will continue. However, some days I just want to hide in a cupboard (I don’t though!). He cries a lot and wants me nearby all the time. He thinks he can walk and tries to climb out of bed or his wheel chair so can’t be left alone. It’s hard for both of us. Your post tells me I’m not the only one struggling that the feelings I have are normal. Hopefully better times lay ahead x


hello it was good to hear from you 

I am very confused at the moment..I know gary has had a stroke and I’m obviously upset about this but I can’t explain why all I seem to do is cry and get so emotional. when I do try talk to anyone about it I cry again.

I know I can’t change anything by getting upset but all I can think is it’s like I’m grieving for something.. I don’t know anymore.

Iv even got my 27 yr old son really worried about me. I’m sorry to go on but I’m at a loss now x

One thing I have found out is never say you are sorry crying only means you care but talking does help even it causes you to cry. so wat by talking might eventually stop the crying and get you to the point we’re you want to go

thank you for them kind words 

i think I just need to stop wanting what I can’t have...our old life.

hopefully things will get to where we feel like we’re living again, sorry I know that sounds stupid but it’s the only way I can describe it 

I'm aware that counselling is offered to SS, quite rightly.  However, my own experience, and just about everyone else who cares for a SS, is that we also suffer huge emotional challenges.  The grief of what/who we have lost can feel overwhelming - and not easy to understand, because we still have their physical existance, but we're getting to know the 'new' person, coping with a shift in our relationship etc.  I feel that there should be specialist counselling for carers, partners, because we also have to provide emotional support for our SS, as they experience their own loss.  

(I've just re-read that and I can see that it's not well written!  Hopefully you wonderful guys will 'get it'!! Sorry - very long week frownsad) Thanks


Hi don’t be sorry I am here for you if you need someone to unload on I am a good listener so I have been told plus I am not going anywhere walking still not great

Hi I'm feeling the same, my husband had a stroke last April.  I'm now his full time carer, it's so difficult and heart renching to see someone that you love and was a fit person before suffer a stroke when he used to run marathons etc, never smoked and had a healthy diet.  Stroke hits and your life is changed for ever.  It's so hard every day.  I had to give up work this January as he suffered a seizure on xmas day and can't be left alone.  I try to remain positive but it's hard, I pray that things improve but him upstairs has left us and let us down.   Some days I feel so low and think what's the point of getting dressed, life is just passing us by.  I'm sorry to be negative but hopefully tomorrow is a better day and spring is on the horizon.? ??. Chin up chuck.


Dear Catherine

I hope you are in touch with yur lcal stroke group. Thye often have carers sessions and you would benefit from sharing tips and ideas and sympathy.

I am a stroke survivor. I always get up and get dressed. As you say, otherwise the day has no purpose.

Him upstairs hasnt forgotten you. He never forgets anyone, I will pray for you tomorrow, about 11.30am. In fact I will pray for hubby.

If he hadnt run marathons etc he probably would not have survived. He (and me) have been chosen to live and I am busy searching for the reasons that I was saved.

Spring is around the corner. Equinox this coming week. You have a good cheery attitude.

Best wishes


Those who care for and support stroke survivors are unsung heroes. No plaudits, no acknowledgement, no awards.... But, for those who rely on them, they are priceless, even if we don't know how to show it all the time. I don't know how I would have coped without the devotion of my wife. Surviving and thriving is a team effort.

Thank you Adrian - your words are very much appreciated.  Teamwork is definitely the key xx


Thank you so much for taking the time out to reply to my post.  Your wise words are much appreciated and gave me a boost.  I hadn't looked at things from your way and I suppose it gives me hope for the future.  I also thank you for praying for us both.?   

Best wishes 

Catherine and Steve