Coming home

Hi everyone my partner is coming home on Tuesday from rehab hospital the ot fitted equipment they needed to do yesterday. I have moved things round and used the wheeled commode/shower tray around the bungalow to make sure things are accessible for him I. E. Changed cupboard shelves around so he will be able to see what he wants. The garden is totally accessible and checked he can get in greenhouse as well if he wants. On a night been told he has a few accidents so ordered a mattress protector and some incontinence pads for bed as well as a few wee bottles is there anything else anyone can think they found useful in a wheelchair that found out was a struggle. He is transferring chair to chair etc. He has been getting annoyed in hospital and just wants to be home. His speech therapy completely winds him up with counting 1 to 10 saying days of week etc. I think we are not doing to bad with the speech there is a lot of words he is now saying I can understand but words I can't I just tell him I can't understand we just laugh and say never mind and speak about something else he has never liked phones anyway and phone signal hasn't been good. Barney started phoning me last week. Its been a long hawl with no contact as he had his stroke on 3rd April.he has also been getting tearful and upset rehab says its because he wants to see me and can't due to covid and he dosent want to do a video call if they could as Internet bad over where he is. . Thanks everyone for your help. 

Fee Fee, So glad he is coming home. Hopefully, you have a community stroke team in your area and that someone will come in and do physio with him. I think all of us improve more at home. You will need to keep an eye on him, because if he is determined he will try to do things he shouldn't. I didn't need to use my commode because we have a downstairs loo. My instruction was to pee sitting, but one day when my partner was out I thought I would try standing and promptly fell over. I had to crawl to the lounge to get up!

When I left hospital I was told to expect falls, so it is important that both of you know how to get up from a fall. There are lots of videos on line. Do look these up, as you may not be able to lift him. Also, be aware of post stroke fatigue. It hit me on my first day out in a big way and, even after four years, I need an hour's rest every day.

That said, he will be so happy to be home and so will you. He will improve more, but needs to take things slowly. You might also need your own space at times, because he will have moments of anger and frustration. Good luck to you both!

Do not get too upset by initial reactions from Baneys homecoming. Think in the longer term. If stroke happened at home there is likely to be a reaction on that score. There will also be an alarm or two at being away from the safety net of the hospital. Likely to also have an immense release of emtions. Probably a lot of crying, which is hard for us blokes. But it will pass. Things will improve gradually and, overall, getting home is a major step forward.

Now, what about you Fiona. I love the way you have set things up so Barney can help himself. But you know how busy you are going to be. You must pace yourself. Accept any help offered. Do not get trapped. I hope Barney will help you to have an hour or three for yourself, every day.

You need to be fit to help him. So dont be a hero, be realistic. Pace yourself.

And please remember that Barney needs to help himself with recovery. Never ever take the blame for any of this. 

I hope that uesday goes well. But I hope that Wednesday, Thursday etc go even better.


Hello, how are you and your partner getting on at home? :) hope all is well x


my partner had a stroke last Tuesday after an operation. He is now off oxygen but still on medication. He now knows what hospital he is at and has this morning asked if he can stand up and how long til he can go home. At what point do stroke patients get sent home ? Awful we can't see him at the moment because of covid . Thank you becky 

Becky, getting home very much depends on the severity of the stroke and his ability to recover. Given his wish to stand, it sounds as if he has the determination necessary to get him home sooner rather than later.

I was on a stroke rehab ward for a month. The process will be, firstly, to get him to stand and transfer to a chair. He will then be encouraged to walk on a frame, exercise, and,finally, go up and down a few stairs. My rehab ward had a gym, so I practised walking using two parallel bars to hold on to.

Occupational therapy will then visit your home to see what adjustments need to be made so he can be safe at home. This includes putting in handgrips, extra stair rail, seat in the shower. Mine was supplied free by Age UK, but not all health areas are so generous.  It is usual to have to sleep downstairs the first three weeks. I did have six weeks support from the community stroke team, with daily physio to help my balance and ability to get around the house. Alas, not all health authorities provide this,especially during the current pandemic.

I hope this information helps you. It must be terrible to be unable to see him. Anyway, may I wish you both all the best.

Hi Becky - John has given you a good summary of what to expect when it's time for your partner to come home.  I think that many hospitals are currently trying to get patients home as quickly as possible, but he really shouldn't come home until he's gained a certain level of confidence with movement etc.  When my husband came home I thought life would be easy!!  However, he could barely make it up the stairs, and I had visions of taking him straight back to hospital ?.  Fortunately, we have a sitting room upstairs, so once he was up there, he didn't need to come back down again, as I was there to take up meals etc, and to care for him.  

You need to have a balance between the urgency to get home, and to have made as much progress as possible before that happens.  But definitely follow John's advice and get things in place as much as you can.  Be prepared to allow your partner plenty of rest.  Everything takes so much effort and energy after stroke, and any activity quickly depletes energy reserves.  

The contributors to this site helped me so much 3 years ago, when I was anxious and confused about how to care for my post-stroke husband.  I don't think I could have managed without their support.  So ... keep returning to the site, to ask for advice and encouragement, the stroke survivors and their families have so much anecdotal knowledge and will help you immensely, there's almost nothing they don't know!!  

All good wishes, and hoping for the best outcomes ??

So sorry haven't replied to you been really busy. Barney is still at home he is still not walking in a wheelchair he still has aphasia  and his brace broke but waiting for a replacement he has carers coming in twice a day and still not got movement on his right side but on plus side I am so glad he is at home he often gets bad days but I look more at his good days even though he can be hard work I do get out for a couple of hours each week for a break. But he still needs a lot of care I am trying to get his physio started again and he is on a waiting list for his speech. Thank you so much for asking. 

Hi Becky,

I hope that your partner is making good progress. The time taken to recover will depend on the effect of the stroke and the health and fitness of the patient. Improvements can be significant during the early days after a stroke.

in my case, I had several visits from therapists to assess my physical and mental condition. There were different types of assessment. The nurses made regular checks of my blood pressure, and doctors assessed my condition. There were concerns on my sight.

I was put on blood thinners to reduce the risk of another stroke. I could not leave the hospital until the medics were sure that there were no adverse reactions.

Ultimately it was a joint decision of doctors, therapists and nurses as to when I was healthy enough to leave. This was frustrating, but I believe that the timing was about right. They need to be sure that there minimal risk of another stroke or damage due to an accident.

I found it tiring and emotional to pack up belongings, walk down to a car and make the journey home. It could be risky to do this too early.

In my ward, I did see some patients leave without approval, but I would not recommend this. It may depend on the damage, fitness and support available at home.

Best regards,