Ah, Colin, it is an extremely sad situation all round. Money can do so many wonderful things but it can also be so destructive. The most tragic thing is when it rips families apart and there will probably be many of us can identify with that. We pray that you make the right decisions, whether to continue with your claim or let it go. It sounds like your S in L has acted illegally and hopefully can be brought to account. Thankfully, you’re currently in a good financial position yourself at the moment otherwise it could have been a lot worse. More importantly, you are able to give such a lot of support to people like ourselves. Money can’t buy love and care. Thank you for that. 

Take care, sending you both ?‍♀️?‍♂️

Veronica and John 

One thing does occur to me. I can afford to proceed with a cae. If you have no money you can not. SiL will probably win by having a team of experts to bend the truth. So again money will win. Even money acquired improperly. 

Where there is a Will there is a war.


So horrible, a nightmare situation.  Colin, thank goodness that you are so self-aware, and you understand that you need to look after your health, in spite of all that is going on.  I hate to hear of these situations, you can't imagine that people really put their families through such trauma.  

I love the photo, such a gorgeous view.  

I heard a quote on Radio 4 this morning and thought of you - don't know who it was attributed to,  "For times when man is lonely, God sent a dog",  for you, just substitute "cat".  It made me think of you & Oscar, and his timely arrival in your life.

Take care, you have a lot of people wishing well xx

Although I am self aware, this stress does not subside and I think it makes me highly vulnerable to a second stroke. I must get my blood pressure checked.

God did send me a cat. Shall we call our maker Tac.

The flat does have a nice outlook, both up the beach and down the beach. Portsmouth and the Isle of Wight one way and Selsy bill the other. Sitting in the lounge is like sitting on a cruise ship. 

We were tempted to buy the flat then to live in the Woking area. We could then flit in between. But we settled for deepest rural Essex and a house in Harrow.

When I manage to travel to Harrow, I will then make plans to travel to the flat for a nice holiday. At the moment I find travel impossible, and I am amazed how many SS take holidays. Mostly they go with someone wheras I have to take charge so its a long way off.

My gout has flared again. I wonder if stroke has a factor in this.


My Mum has a beach hut on the sea front in Gosport, it's just magical any day of the year, never a dull moment.  I've threatened to spend C'mas day in there watching the action between the Isle of Wight and mainland!!  I will keep everything crossed for you, that you will be able to travel again, you really deserve it, you work so hard and keep everyone else chipper, so it's not much to ask!!  The balance in my own life has changed and I really feel the sense of additional responsibility - although at work I have a lot of responsibility, I was happy to relinquish some of this at home.  However things came to head this summer when I realised I didn't want to undertake the long drive to Italy, (towing a huge caravan) being the main driver, and not knowing how my husband would manage the travelling, just 11 months post-stroke.  I lost confidence and we pulled out of the holiday, even though everything was booked and paid for.  

Other SS have travelled with specialist companies I think and made extensive plans before setting off, maybe that's the way forward, just for a short break - if Oscar can spare you of course!!

Meant to add ... please take care of yourself, I know you're fiercely independent, but you're allowed some TLC.  Gout sounds hideous, hope you can take something for it.  

You’re so right Colin, stress can have a terrible effect on your health and it would be awful to have another stroke.

I’m glad you have Sooty Oscarthemagnificent to keep you calm, animals can sense when we are upset and worried, I’m sure he will have picked up on how you are feeling. Our young cavalier can tell straight away when I’m upset and comes to me to be stroked. Animals are so tuned in to our emotions I think. 

Sending you a warm blanket. It’s time to get rid of the SF otherwise you’ll sleep badly.



We also enjoy watching the boats in the solent. Rose especially loves to watch the cruise ships and manages to read the names on each boat (I cant even see the name plate). I have a good pair of binoculars (I had an online shop selling such things) and we can see cars on the Isle of Wight. Good sunsets down there as well.

With SS it is a big factor as to who takes on the lead and who did pre stroke. So many couples split after a stroke.


I do have tablets cochinel or someting,and they have in the past taken the edge off the gout. But they upset my tummy so its a balancing act. I think the tablets are winning as I am in less pain this evening.


Hello Colin, Like Nic and others have said, we have our fingers crossed for your continued improvement. Yes, you certainly deserve it and have certainly served your time. Going on holiday does require some planning but it’s certainly doable and when you’re ready there are many of us who will give you every encouragement and support.

One of our plans for 2019 is to take a coach trip for 4 nights not too far away to see how we manage. That way I don’t have to drive as John worries. In fact, some companies actually pick you up from home. I’ll let you know how it goes. My biggest challenge, though, is to drive from Durham to Devon as Jonah, now 5 years old, told me confidentially that some grandparents can pick their grandchildren up from school! Now you must admit, THAT is the biggest challenge of all and will require very positive planning.

take care, V&J 

Thank you Ann.


Mum and I often read the names on the vessels passing through the solent, and then check them out in the shipping news in the local evening paper!!  

Stroke leaves a lot of fallout, numerous ripples in the pond - it's tricky, but really necessary to maintain that bond, and in my case that fell to me, particularly in the early days.  I realise, now, that in order to survive, there's not much energy, actual or emotional, for anything other than keeping life and soul together, and I can see how a partner might feel sidelined/rejected/unloved etc You have to believe in your relationship and if you can survive those early weeks and months you'll probably get through.  That's maybe simplistic and full of holes, but we're still together, so I must have got something right!!


I take anti-inflammatory meds from time to time, and also Ranitidine to protect my tummy fro their effects - it's definitely a balancing act.  Glad the pain is is easing.


Me, too, Nic. Fortunately, John was acquiescent at the beginning. Total shock, I think. He has always been a loving man but has needed lots of cuddles which I was delighted to have, too. A Stroke is such a scary experience for both. He has an issue with time and timing ie being ready too early/late, days dragging or too quick, getting worried if he thinks I should be home earlier even though I’ve given him a time. But these are little things to deal with. 

My mam was always watching the planes as the Newcastle flight path flew over her house. She’d guess at where they were coming from or going to. Similarly, her favourite trip was to the coast and she’d watch the boats and ships coming into or leaving the Tyne. As a young girl, she worked for a while in SwanHunter shipyards helping prepare D-Day landing craft. Then she joined the ATS. She was so independent,,,,until she had a Stroke in 2002. Tsk! There’s that word again! 

I’m off to make the bed. New duvet but not Christmassy. JJM  wouldn’t approve! 

Ttnf, V 

My mum worked for Joint Services, logging in the ships all around the world.  It was really big toys for the big boys, but she loved the job, and even got to do some sailing, and a party on Britainia !  (spell check?)

JJM has certainly set the benchmark for the neatest bed, mine never looks like that, more like someone's thrown a hand-grenade into it!!


Night night xx

Ha ha! John said you should take a photo and put it in for the Turner prize. I’d get one tonight lol! But it might be disallowed,,,,,John’s underpants on the radiator??? And Colin could enter Oscar! See Charlotte Prodger did just that! Night night, too. 

I had 2 minor strokes in 2018. February and April. There are a number of friends I rarely contact. I had not told most of them about my strokes but have used the exchange of Christmas cards to tell them.

I have received lots of positive support, plus some information about their own health issues. It is beneficial to share experiences with others. It makes you feel less isolated.


Welcome to our little gang who frequent the forum.

Thats a good plan, mentioning your strokes on christmas cards. Nice positive move. Well done Peter.

Best wishes


We may be little, but we are mighty ?️‍♀️  ?️‍♂️   ? ? xx

A Happy Christmas to you and John in return. Our tree is up, our presents wrapped. We do not entertain much over Christmas these days, but we don’t go short. Have already visited family in Wales, so that pleasant duty is done.

At the moment I have a stinking cold, which on top of partial disability does not help. However, it didn’t stop me making a Victoria sponge today, although I feel done in now. Onwards and upwards gang!