Hi
One of the things that I’m really noticing is how the relationship between my Mum and Dad has changed (both 88). Mum had a stroke a few months ago. They are very traditional but he will do cooking and try to help round the house, if he can.
He is not someone who is connected to his emotions and, of course, Mum needs lots of emotional support right now. It really saddens (and annoys) me but he just seems to check out. Partly, it’s tiredness but partly it’s I don’t know what. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism. It’s a huge change for him too but I am having to ask him to spend time with her and am trying coach him in just being there rather than trying to find answers all the time.
It’s just really sad because of their age. I know he needs time to adjust but they haven’t got time to waste.
I said to the carer recently that I felt like Mum’s primary relationship is now with me and she said ‘well, maybe it is and maybe that’s ok just now’. That made me feel better and made me realize I am trying to make things like they were but I can’t. I am also getting closer to realizing that I have to just go with how things are (big life lesson for me). There is only so much that you can do then you have to let life take over - even if it does mean things are sad and scary. Do you agree?
It is crap and I hate it but I have to get on with it.
I also realize that it could be worse. My sister was telling me about someone she knows whose elderly father has really gone off the rails on hearing that his wife was very ill. It is so sad. I know there are no easy answers - just wondering if anyone else has any insight into this, particularly with regards to elderly people.
Thanks
Alison