Good morning all. I’ve not posted for a while sorry. As most already know I’m a 49 year old married father of 2 teenage daughters that suffered an ischemic stroke 2 years ago and affected my left side and CPSP, ( which I’m down to a manageable pain level most of the time thanks to pregabalin and amytrypytoline) During last 2 years,I’ve had to pack in work as a FLT driver. My in-laws have passed away and my one remaining parent, my dad turned his back on me and my family and in turn focused all his attention on my only sibling, my uoungerysister and her family( me and my sister haven’t spoken since mum died 10 years ago. I blame her selfishness on mum dying. It’s a long story! I’ve got a few great external family members , but they’ve all got their own lives which i understand. My wife’s also got an elderly grandad in his 90s so that’s it. We don’t have a great deal of support
So i’ve been awake up and since 5.30am which unusual for me unless I’ve got go work or Xmas day or were going out for the day etc. I was asleep for midnight. No alarm this morning I just rolled over onto my front and it woke me up and I realized I need to put TV on and see whats happened with the election! But regardless of the politics it’s like my brain suddenly went PING!!! I’ve come downstairs m made myself and wife a coffee before she’s goes work( she’s leaves the house at 7.30)and I’ve just sat here and weve chatted and I’ve listened to her. I don’t always listen properly but she’s talked to me about her work about some of issues she has and other things like hothe stroke has changed me as a person( my personality) like used to bounce off each other, laughing and and how I take things too seriously at times and it can cause arguments. I can ask her how she’s feeling just in general, but do I really listen? No probably not. It’s strange, my head feels clearer I know my faults. I also know how my personality has been during the last 2 years. Is this one of those light bulb moments? Will I still think this clear later or tomorrow or any other days in future?my youngest daughter has just come downstairs and I’ve just asked her what her plans are for the day and is she meeting up with her BF, Ben later. Her reply was " what’s going on? You never ask me what my plans are anymore" when I eventually start back will that be a trigger for my personality changing back to who I used be cos I have a real purpose in life again?and cos i enjoy my job and work mates and I laugh with them even if I’m on the phone to them. Will being back work mean I laugh more at home? Wow! So many questions in my head why I’m think and feeling like this morning Don’t want to wake up tomorrow or and this feeling has gone.
Oh and to add to this. During last couple of weeks I’ve started driving again but only accompanied with my wife and L plates on. I’ve got the all clear from my doctor he thinks it’s a good idea for a while to put them on until I can drive independently which hoping wil happen in the coming weeks. I’ve stalled it a few times. Driving an automatic is not an option for us. It’s a black Peugeot 2008 if anyone wants to avoid while I’m driving round Stoke!
Thanks all
Wayne in Stoke!
While I’m on here I just want to
thank Nigel in bristol for being a goodmate with loads of helpful advice over the last few months. ( We both have CPSP)We may not see eye to eye on politics and yes I’m jealous that his football team are back in the premier League and mine is still stuck in the championship!
I don’t know if you can tell but I’m so happy, excited, ecstatic for you right now because I know exactly what you are talking about I am so over the moon that you have experienced that too. It really is just like a lightbulb switching on isn’t it I’m so happy for you it’s making my eyes leak I just love hearing of these signs of progressions And these is just the kind of posts that gives so much hope to fellow stroke survivors
For me, it happened last July, the very day we went out and bought a new car Up until then, my personality was numb, stuck in neutral, I had to literally fake emotion…though I never really fooled my family. But they were fine that because they understood it was my stroke brain that was holding me back, and it takes a long time and patience for damaged areas of your brain to come back onboard. The sparkys in your brain have just made a major reconnection, a major road reopened in your head
If you go the way I did, then it won’t revert back!!! It’s back for good And this is how you are going to continue to experience your improvements. And it can happen any time of the day or night, it’s just this sudden awareness of change that happens in the snap of a finger. It’s happened to me in the middle of the night and woke me, I just knew something had changed in me for the better. It also happened that same way for my brain fog clearing and my foot drop too.
Keep up the momentum, celebrate your new found freedom and thoroughly enjoy the gift your brain has given back to you Wayne, you’ve earned it
@stokiejoey it sounds like you’ve had a light bulb moment…they often happen in the middle of the night. Very rude of them interripting your sleep.
Personalities can change after a stroke. It’s a big event to deal with and i’d be amazed if most of us didn’t struggle to some degree. It sounds like as your life is gradually returning to “normal” that other things will return too.
I found going back to work gave me a purpose again, a reason for getting up & has made me feel useful again even though I still struggle with many things. I too laugh more with my colleagues & get frustrated with them too. I won’t pretend it is easy but you may find some of what you seek happens if you return to work. In the meantime you can make the family happy by listening more & asking the simple questions as you did today.
First off thank you Emerald Eyes and thank you Mrs 5k for your replies.
I can’t wait for my wife to get in from work nowto tell her that the brain PING is a genuine thing!
Im sitting here all emotional cos it does feel like Brain has woken. The brain fog disappeared a good while back but it feels like I’ve realized today how my personality has been. I’ve become more aware of the person that I’d become cos of the stroke.
I’ve just come off the phone to one of my best mates at work. Im hoping to see them all in the coming weeks
In the first week in hospital while they got me medically stable I always used to say my wife " don’t worry I’ll wake one of thes days and I’ll be fine and back to normal" she always knew it was a long tough road ahead. You don’t just recover from a stroke overnight. She insisted I go to a stroke rehab hospital which was further away from home after i kept saying I didn’t need rehab. Well I did I had 4 weeks of it and even more last year when I was told I had ataxia. The CPSP is going to get any better than it is and if asked for different medications I’m fully aware a change could make it worse. I wish there was 100 percent pain relief but it isn’t and I don’t want to push my luck. I’ve still got to get more physically stronger, but I’m hoping that getting back to work will improve that especially as my left are and leg are constantly on the go driving that FLT. Fatigue my be another issue but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. No need to stress out about it when it’s something I don’t know how it’s going to be.
I think above all I need to remain positive.
Thanks again
You will continue to laugh, it might seem a bit glitchy for the first few weeks and you’ll wonder if its reverting back. But I just saw that as the new connections settling down…bit like a car that hasn’t been turned over for a while but you’ll be fine Just keep talking, keep laughing and stay positive. You may not get back to 100%, but it’ll be close enough that it’s more than manageable. Over 3yrs on I still have some minor deficits such as mild aphasia, a hitch in my step and still have slight weakness down my right side. But none of that really holds me back now and I’m even getting a better nights sleep.
@stokiejoey Just noticed you’re another Madness fan, my hubby and daughter are too We were all booked to go to their concert a couple years ago, just months after my stroke. Needless to say, I had to back out, there was no way I could have managed it But my daughter kept me updated on WhatsApp
We got my hubby their latest album last year but he doesn’t like it at all. Still prefers their earlier stuff but my daughter likes to wind him up as she likes it all
Have been a Madness fan since a young, spotty teen but didn’t linger on the later stuff, except for one of the finest duets in song history, their track Drip Fed Fred, featuring Ian Dury. An amazing pair up if ever.
Hi rups. This is obviously going way off topic of the original thread. But I’ve been a fan of madness since 1981 ( I was 6 years old) I’ve been fortunate enough to have seen them 3 times. MADSTOCK 98, WEMBLEY 1999 and NEC 2001. I know all members of Madness loved the late great Ian Dury and prior them coming on stage at said Wembley gig. A selection of Ian Dury and the Blockheads songs was played for an hour or so.My Other musical passion/obsession is Level 42
You, I, everybody, came from a single cell that contained DNA, a set of building instructions that tells each bit of you where to be and what to do. If a part becomes damaged it seems DNA can kick in to do repairs and return you to working order.
We don’t seem to be able to regenerate whole limbs in the way that some creatures can, but we definitely have a process that encourages repair. I would even suggest that apart from looking after ourselves there is no activity necessary to initiate and see through such healing. It, perhaps, does happen spontaneously. Maybe.
So a snap moment sounds very likely. Madness. I too liked the early stuff.
All the best with your future, may it bring triumph, healing, laughs, and good times. May you ride out the ups and downs with confidence and assurance.
Hi emerald eyes.
My wife and daughters don’t like madness at all. But for my last birthday they bought me their last album Theatre of the absurd presents Ce La Vie which is signed by all the band.
Me and wife were planning on seeing more live music when my stroke happened. We’d seen Level 42 and Johnny Hates Jazz a few months previous and we’re looking at more 80s music live acts then thanks to the stroke everything we’d planned went out of the window! Oh and I was planning on having that madness badge/ tattooed on my left arm( I’ve got Stoke city badge on my right arm) then that went of the window as well and will probably never happen now cos of the CPSP on that stroke affected left side!
@stokiejoey Wayne, I’m lucky? enough to be that little older than yourself (now 56) so my comprehensive school days were 1979 to 1984 covering probably the best music years ever (in my opinion of course).
I went from a rude boy in my early teens (still wear at least one piece of Fred Perry nearly every day and can often be spotted listening to the likes of The Beat, TheSpecials, The Selecter, Prince Buster or my copy of Dance Craze, that I bought at the cinema when I saw the film in 1981. I still buy at least 1 piece of vinyl every week - mainly stuff from my youth) to an indie (I still rate The Smiths as the best band of all time with Lloyd Cole close behind) by the time I left school via the likes of Ultravox, Level 42, Talk Talk, Talking Heads, The Sex Pistols … this list could go on for days.
Glad to hear that things are still changing for you, it’s the same with me. I’ve found that the best improvement come when I’ve totally trashed myself. Almost as if I have to break myself to get the brain to re-wire. Painful process but slowly slowly catchy monkey
Oh Wayne, you know to never say never! You’re only 49, you’ve got youth on your side by comparison to many on here. I’m 62 and you are fast catching up to me in your recovery, so don’t rule anything out! You’re doing good, real good, even the cpsp may recede yet. So think positive, celebrate what you’ve got back and look forward to more good recovery, enjoy
Hi rich. I love a bit of ska, Madness, specials, The beat , Bad Manners etc.
As I’ve got older I’ve learned to appreciate music I wouldn’t have listened to in my younger days. My late father in law was a massive fan of Eric Clapton. If I listen to Sunshine of your Love by Cream always brings a tear to my eye. As does anything by The Carpenters( my late mums favourite)
Music has been a huge part of my life. My dad used to be a mobile DJ in the 80s and 90s and I’m actually named after a member of a famous boy band. Wayne after Wayne Osmond. My mum loved them! It could of been worse I suppose. Thank God she didn’t call me Everill or Marie!
All the best
Wayne in Stoke
Thank you Emerald Eyes. Yeah you never know that tattoo might still happen one day.
My youngest daughter has said she’s already noticing a change in my personality. Shes said I’m listening more and I’m being more positive.
Another good day yesterday. Drove to local Lidl and back, and my wife is talking about buying that 2nd car which we’ll need when I’m back in work.
This time 2 years ago I was a week into a 4 week stint in a rehab hospital 15 miles from home in a middle of heatwave and having just cancelled our family holiday that we’d booked 9 months previously.
I’m so focused on driving independently cos it will mean I’m ready to return to work, though perhaps not ready to perform like I used to at work. That will come in time as get stronger. But returning back to work and driving will mean so much for my wife and daughters.
I’m already thinking about days out. I want to get up to the coast. Have a walk along llandudno pier and get up to Blackpool later in the year for the illuminations, take my wife and daughters down to north Norfolk for a weekend so we can visit her 96 year old grandad.
I’m feeling more optimistic and positive about the coming weeks and months
@Bobbi When they put GREATEST hits on FABulous they really meant it, superb album.
@stokiejoey Note track 1. Ever wondered where they got their name from? They of course also covered this track along with a number of others and their 1979 track “The Prince” is their homage to him, and IMHO one of their best tracks, with the fairly obvious references to him, or some of his tracks, shown in the Lyrics below.
Buster he sold the heat
With a Rocksteady beat
An earthquake is erupting
But not in Orange Street
A ghost dance is preparing
You got to help us with your feet
If you’re not in the mood to dance
Step back grab yourself a seat
This may not be uptown Jamaica
But we promise you a treat
Buster bowl me over with your bogus dance
Shuffle me off my feet
Even if I kept on running
I’d never get to Orange Street
So I say there’s not much left to say
For the man who set the beat
So I leave it up to you out there
To get him back on his feet
Buster bowl me over with your bogus dance
Shuffle me off my feet
Even if I kept on running
I’d never get to Orange Street
Bring back the
Who is the
We want the
Bring back The Prince
@SimonInEdinburgh How on earth did I leave Floyd off my list!! and ELP to a lesser extent for me (but still a few in the collection along with the likes of Yes, Oldfield and King Crimson from the prog rock era)
and yes I’m jealous that his football team are back in the premier League and mine is still stuck in the championship! 
I am so over the moon that you have experienced that too. It really is just like a lightbulb switching on isn’t it 
I’m so happy for you it’s making my eyes leak 
I just love hearing of these signs of progressions 
But my daughter kept me updated on WhatsApp 
Oh and I was planning on having that madness badge/ tattooed on my left arm( I’ve got Stoke city badge on my right arm) then that went of the window as well and will probably never happen now cos of the CPSP on that stroke affected left side!
and ELP to a lesser extent for me (but still a few in the collection along with the likes of Yes, Oldfield and King Crimson from the prog rock era)