Bringing my Mum home

My 77 yr old Mum had a severe bleed to the brain in December, told unlikely would survive but here we are 11 weeks later!  She spent 9 weeks in hospital and has been transferred to a nursing home for supposedly 6 weeks to await a carers and financial assessment.  However, I feel she is deteriorating in the nursing home both physically and mentally so would like to bring her home to trial her living with us and if successful to build a granny annexe in the garden for her.  As I am completely new to this any help or advice as to who to contact regards to what support I should expect for her in the community, any carers support or physio and also what equipment I need?  She was completely fit and healthy prior to her stroke so this has come as a real shock and I dont really know where to start!  Any advice whatsoever would be hugely appreciated.  Many thanks

I think these are questions best suited to your gp and social services. You might also wish to contact The Stroke Association Helpline and/ or Age UK. Clearly, she would need a care package of some sort. Some areas provide physiotherapy support at home, but this depends on what is available during the current pandemic. Before I left hospital I was taken on a home visit by the hospital occupational support workers to see what aids and adaptations I would need. These were provided free by Age UK and installed before and shortly after I came home.

Thanks will do that.  Think definitely depends on the area you live in to the help you get.  The advice is appreciated thanks again

So sorry for mum and for you.

its only those of us who are fit that survive a stroke.

We do recover from strokes. Very slowly, but we do get recovery. So mums needs now are very different from say three years along the recovery path.

i will now sound callous, but please have in mind that, if the nursing home is unsuccessful, then she will be moved elsewhere. But if you take mum home and that proves unsuccesful,then you cant hand her back.

the follow up support for stroke survivors is terrible. And now we have a pandemic it is terrible x 2.

Mum will not be the same as before stroke. Our personality changes. 

in the first instance, i was given the equipment i needed. The hospital delivered these things before i was discharged. Not a bed (although i believe these are sometimes provided) and not a wheelchair but i got the perching stool, crutches, and other small aids.And they came to fit grab rails.

The stroke association can give a pack of booklets to explain stroke. These leaflets are very good and easily readable.

Bless you Nicola, for thinking of caring for Mum.

colin. 5 years post stroke .


Thanks so much for your help and advice Colin.  Yes I have been reading that someone isnt the same post-stroke and as its been 11 weeks now I can see that although I havent seen her since xmas day very sadly.  I have to give it a go and if it doesnt work then will consider a live-in carer, whatever happens I dont want her returning to a nursing home which costs a fortune and just kept in a bed 24/7. I spoke to her last night and explained that shes coming home but doesnt believe it, said shes held there forever.  She was pleading with god to let her die, my daughter and I were in tears so hoping to get her out by next week.  I have a month off work so can try and settle her in and begin to help her improve with diet, physio and general stimulation.  I have been told we will be given the necessary aids but if not will just have to purchase them.  Best of luck to you.

Sorry to read about your mum. Its worth getting a copy of a book called Had a stroke? What now? by Tom Balchin. It'll help you understand what's happened and what to expect. it covers from the initial trauma through to life after stroke. 

Dear Nicola

I wish you every happiness having Mum home.

Please make time for yourself. Accept offers of help. 


Hi Nicola

So sorry to hear about your Mum.  It is true that people in nursing homes or half way care homes waiting for assessments can be institutionalising and heartbreaking for the family.  However, they are usually in place for 12 weeks maximum and then they have to be transferred to permanent care which you can choose for her.  

I fully admire your loyalty to your Mum by wishing to bring her home.  This can bring enormous challenges for the whole family as well as your Mum.  I note your mention you plan to have a month of work. My husband had 2 months off work and I was managing to walk around the house and climb stairs - he was glad to go back and so was I glad for him to go back too!  Strokes are very hard for the family to come to terms with and behaviour changes even more so.  If you can ask yourself a few questions - who would look after Mum when you return to work? Full time carers are very expensive and difficult to find.  How does your daughter feel abour having Grandma living with you both? Could you cope with everything whilst the annexe is being built? Would your Mum settle in an annexe on her own or feel excluded? What if there is a problem whilst you are at work with the carers, would you be able to drop everything and dash home to sort it out?  How do you feel about giving up any chance of having a social life of your own?  Hard questions to ask yourself but ones which are not selfish ones as you have a life to live too.  Colin hit the nail on the head when he says you can't hand Mum back.

Stroke recovery is very slow but it does happen. It can take its toll out on the ones who are nearest and dearest to them.  I hope you get all the support you need to bring Mum home including GP's, Social Services etc as they are the ones who can advise you best.  Stroke Association will also be able to give you help and advice. They have some videos on here too. Some might not apply to your situation but it helps to see how others have coped.