Hello again
My partner had some blood tests and the cholesterol has come back borderline. I said we need to book an appointment with the doctor. He said hes not bothered.
Doesn’t seem like he cares about his self. He keeps saying hes had 1 stroke. It wont happen again
Hi @Clairekirby1990 it’s possibly a hard place to be for your partner, that being said as a survivor with at he time low cholesterol and now on statins would urge him to go and get it checked out. My reasoning there are many contributors here who have had multiple strokes and we know the damage one can do why would you want to multiply this or even the risk. In fact one is certainly more than enough, but finding the way to get this through maybe difficult.
Hi ya we are going to get this checked out. Its just what he was saying yesterday that surprised me.
Ive messaged the doctor
Hes just talking about dying etc but I know that’s not really him talking.
I’m glad that you have messaged your GP, stroke is difficult to explain to anyone else asxwe all experience our own issues. I’m usually very happy go lucky and carefree but stctimes was consumed by both fear and grief which was about losing myself.
I’ve done talking therapy which really helped and that’s from someone who has advocated it’s use but was certain it wasn’t for me, would your partner consider this?
People can have more than 1 stroke and there is no saying who will or won’t. It is definitely worth a chat to the GP about uis cholesterol. Statins are usually prescribed as standard after a stroke but diet can also help high cholesterol to some degree. GP can explain the risks vs benefits to him.
Aww bless you. I know he will get there eventually.
He wont do therapy as he doesnt like seeing people but I ask friends to video call him
The docror said the cholesterol was slightly raised and to book a repeat test for 3 months time x
@Clairekirby1990 - this is a difficult situation but one that I have had to think about a lot as a carer rather than a survivor. The challenges for me as a carer is to do the right thing for the survivor I am caring for. Due to communications issues, it can be hard to know what the other person is really thinking or wanting to say. I have had to rely a lot on conversations we had before the stroke and then on trying to best guess or interpret what Mum is saying when we speak to her in her current post-stroke condtion.
It is a massive learning curve and there are many things to consider and when we act in the best interests of the patient (as doctors and healthcare professionals must).
We (I) often act emotionally rather than logically and sometimes I wonder if what I am asking Mum to do or decisions I make on her behalf are actually in her best interest.
What I am trying to explain is do we as carers always act in the best interest of our loved one or do we we act selfishly and do what we want? This is something that troubles me a lot because I know my actions are having an impact on Mum’s quality of life and it may not be something she herself might not choose to do if she was able to do.
The reason why I am saying this is the two points I have highlighted at the top.
Firstly, we don’t really know whether your husband will indeed have another stroke or not. All we have is statistics but nothing is set in stone. It may happen or it may not. The medicines are given to reduce the risk of a second stroke, but this do not guarantee a second stroke will not happen, merely they reduce the risk. So then is it worth the “pain” of the medicines or do we accept the risk - Mum always accepted the risk when she was able to. Since the stroke, we have often put her on the medications on the advice of the doctors but we have later had to take her off and usually this has been too late as the damage has already been done i.e. the side effects have caused new problems. And you could argue that second stroke has not happened, but actually this is not 100% correct because some strokes happen and you do not know they have happened and certainly in Mum’s case it is difficult because we have to be super vigilant to spot any changes in her condition that might suggest she has had a stroke.
I know she has had seizures as I have witnessed them and I do suspect she has had mini-strokes but the problem is due to her age the doctors are not willing to look at her as they have her down as in palliative care and they refuse to do “invasive” tests or put her on “aggressive” medications as they say she is too frail.
That may not be the case for you husband, but I mention it because it may be something for you to think about.
As much as we love our loved one, sometimes we have to think about them and respect their wishes. So if they say they don’t want to take the medicines or “they want to die” then as hard as it might seem we should accept this is their wish. I have to stress, this would only apply if they are fit enough to make the decision i.e. they are mentally fit. Where they are not mentally fit then we as their advocates (or if we have LPA/deputyship) must act in their best interests.
This is a difficult subject and one I have struggled with for some time, but I have talked about it with my sisters (co-carers) and we have talked to Mum though we can’t say categorically that she has been able to understand what we are discussing, but she appears to indicate she is aware of what we are talking about.
I guess what I am trying to say is we should try and strike a balance and do what is ultimately in the best interest of our loved one. Ideally they should be able to tell us what they want and we should be able to accept and respect their wishes.
I am sorry if I am saying things that are not comfortable for you to discuss here, but I feel I should share my thoughts as they may resonate especially if the person we care for is of a certain age and where the care they receive may not always be the best they can receive due to the way the NHS care system works.
As a victim rarher than a carer, I heartily concur.
There’s no harm in regularly checking in with the local medical constabulary. Having more than one stroke is possible, a stroke survivor friend of mine here on the forum had two, unfortunately he didn’t survive the second one. Not to sound like an alarmist but it is just the nature of nature, not to say it will happen but just that it can happen, for whatever reason. In my view, GPs are not there to fix us but are there to help guide us with our own health management.
Thank you for this
All advice helps
