Isn’t it funny how as you become more able people around you stop seeing you as needing help or consideration.
They expect you to get dressed one armed with ease
They assume that you can hobble to the car or get out while they park
Your successes only bring you closer to what you were and as such they never realised what you did until the stroke hit and you couldn’t do anything much anymore
Maybe I’m being too dramatic but our carers wonderful people that they are have a habit of getting back into the well I know how capable you are
It’s like a child growing up.
That child can now safely leave the house get on a bus, do some shopping without mum around!
The annoying part euou have been a grown up for 50 years and now you are not and have to earn mummy s trust in stages even though they give you that inherent trust by your consistency in being able
Not sure what I mean by all this must have got out of bed the wrong way.
I find that strangers are nicer to me. They’ll open doors for me, smile and say hello and “have a great day”. They’ll hand me a cart at the food market while I’m walking across the parking lot. Store employees are very helpful and ask if I need help finding things. It reminds me of the play; The Glass Menagerie: “I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers” said by Blanche Dubois. When I have my cane they are even more accommodating.
I think it is very difficult for our carers or those around us. They offer to help & we want to do it ourselves. They don’t offer & we wish they’d helped us.
Over time we find ways to adapt to our level of ability & whilst it might not be ideal it is something we can do for ourselves & gives us more independence. Doesn’t matter how long it takes or how awkward it looks or feels it’s still something we’ve achieved.
I’ve found strangers to be hit & miss. Some have been really helpful & thoughtful others just tut & push past because I’m holding them up.
You sound like you are at a cross roads in your recovery. At that point where you don’t really need that level of care you have become used to. But apprehensive of letting go…without that safety net.
A certain amount of that apprehension is about trusting in yourself. We’ve all had to do it, many times in lives when you really think about…learning to ride a bike, drive a car, our first job. And it’s actually easier on the emotions when you take back the reins of your independence before they are handed back to you…or dropped.
Not quite there, if and when the pain stabilises and I finally live in a flat area and my walking improves significantly then I’m away.
Still a long way to go
The invisible observation was merely that an observation I would be significantly less able without my carer and wife
Plus she is my bed friend so we do a lot together.
After my mother had her stroke and we would take her places, we always received a lot of help from other people. Even younger people were super kind to us when they saw my mother in her wheelchair. Even when she could walk very well (like a normal person for her age of 71), people could still she was “disabled” somehow and would rush to help her (hold doors open, etc.). Some very old man at an ice cream shop would give my mother a kiss on the cheek every time he’d see her. I suppose he felt sorry for her - - I don’t know.
Even though my dad and I didn’t always want my mother to be helped to such a great degree, my mother welcomed it, as she really had zero desire to do much on her own. She could walk with the best of them, more or less, but apathy won out in her case, and there was no going back. I am glad the rest of you on here are not like that. All she ever said was that I’m an old worthless lady at 71 - it doesn’t matter anymore. That was hard to digest every day. But we got used to it.
My mother became a child to me and Dad. We didn’t see her as a proper wife and mother. Hey, life happens. Strokes happen. It’s life. Whether in strokes or in old age, there is a saying that goes, “Once a man, twice a child.” That’s a true one!
I agree with you that it’s a very odd world. Best not to analyse too much, or you’ll go mad.
I seriously don’t know how stroke survivors manage without a carer.
I know a 60 year-old man who had a brain bleed stroke 5 months ago. He’s all alone. He was in rehab for 2 months. He’s managing okay on his own, but he told me it’s very hard not having any outside help. Some days are just unreal. He has a home nurse come to his place several times a week, but it’s not at all like having a carer with you 24/7. I feel sorry for him. He’s just grateful that he can walk pretty well and use his hand.
I feel for him. I couldn’t have managed without my hubby for the first few months & i still get a faur bit of help from him 20 months later. I guess if we have to we just do because we have no choice.
I was never that way. I suspect those who are that way when they are young, still are when they are old. I will say I wasn’t the general young person, though, so maybe it was just me who was wasn’t that way. I will say the kids who hang out at my house are generally careful for me, and helpful, although, not as much as they see me doing so much more.
