Hello this is my first post. I had a watershed stroke last September. Fortunately, it has left me with no physical problems. However, before the stroke I was very anxious and depressed. These problems have stayed with me. I’m on antidepressants and I’ve had counselling. However, I’m still struggling. I find it hard to feel good about myself and others. I harbour resentment toward everyone. Even my wife who is very supportive. I also have intrusive thoughts that disturb me. That I could harm my wife or others. I’ve spent far too long in bed, and, I haven’t had a proper sleep pattern for months. I have retreated from life and don’t want any responsibility. I have had two attempts at getting back to work. My employer has been very supportive. I am 62 and do not want to change career. I am a mobile cleaner. I have one more chance to go back to work. Even though I have done well I don’t believe in myself. I have been given a phased return on both occasions. I was negative before having my stroke (in relation to the job). It is quite a demanding job, physically, and there can be a lot of travel. If anyone else has a similar experience I would be pleased to hear from you. Take care 
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Hi @Grublink and welcome to the community. Sorry to hear of your stroke & how you are feeling about it all.
A stroke can play havoc with your emotions & this may be heightening some of the feelings you already experienced prior to your stroke. The Stroke Association do a leaflet on this which you can find at the link below.
It is good that you’ve had counselling & are trying antidepressants. However if this hasn’t worked I would suggest revisiting your GP as you may need your meds altered.
A lot of people say you almost have go go through a grieving process after a stroke & maybe this is what you need to do.
You need to try & find something you might enjoy doing to get you out of bed & taking your mind off what has happened. Easier said than done I know. Ideally you also need to get your sleep pattern sorted. Not spending too long in bed during the day & doing tasks/exercises will help with that. Have a set nighttime routine too & stick to it.
Some people suggest magnesium supplements to help. I have never tried them but have heard good reports about them.
With regards to work I would suggest you aren’t ready to return yet & need to stay off until you are able to return & work effectively. Maybe your employer could look at an Occupational Health assessment to see if there are any other adjustments they can put in place to help.
Best wishes
Ann
Hi @Grublink
Welcome to the community, I’m sorry to hear about your stroke.
As @Mrs5K has mentioned a stroke can bring with it a lot of emotions. It’s great to hear you’ve tried counselling and medication to help with this. Sometimes these things take time.
I’m sorry that it’s been difficult to get back to work, we have some information on returning to work which you may find helpful to have a read of.
I hope you’ll find this community helpful for your recovery. If you need anything whilst you’re using the Online Community, please don’t hesitate to tag me using the @ symbol and my username.
Anna
@Anna_Moderator. Thanks for your reply Anna. However, I have had two attempts at a phased return. My manager has suggested I might have to leave on the basis of sickness. I think that this could be quite likely. However, I feel trapped as I am 62, and need to earn an income. However I don’t feel able to work at the moment as my anxiety is overpowering. My wife would like me to try again which I understand. However, my confidence is at rock bottom. I’m hypercritical and this means that I exhaust myself and then fear going back in. So I have ended up going off sick for a third time. My employer has been very understanding and I appreciate that it’s a business. If I can’t do my job then the business is going to need someone that can do the job as the contract requires offices to be cleaned. I hope that this makes sense.
Firstly, welcome to the community and sorry you are troubled.
Having read your post, it seems to me your troubles go back to before you had the stroke and perhaps the stroke has added to the woes.
I am no expert on this, but if you have been suffering anxiety and depression from before the stroke, this is what needs to be addressed. I don’t know if this means seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist, but perhaps you might want to start with seeing your GP first?
Again, I am no expert but if you are unable to go to work and perform to the level required then clearly you cannot return in your previous (and preferred?) role -
As you say your employer needs someone who can do the job you used to do and whether they can offer you another role (which you may not want) I cannot say.
It’s a tough one for me to come up with a simple solution, but I feel you are currently not fit to return to your previous role and I am not sure when you might be able to especially as I think your troubles are more complex and not just a consequence of a stroke.
All I can suggest is you probably require some form of therapy and your GP might be a good place to start.
I wish you all the best.
Namaste|
Hi @Grublink
Have you tried speaking with ACAS to find out where you stand with work and what options could be available for you? Also if you haven’t already, please call our Stroke Support Helpline:0303 3033 100 they will be able to point you in the right direction with regards to any benefits you may be able to get to take the pressure off needing your income.
I would also echo what others have said about seeing your GP to see if there is any other therapies which may be available.
Anna
Thank you for the useful information.
Thank you Anna for the useful information.