Agency Carers - Help or Hinderance?

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Greetings one and all!

This post is about an unfortunate, though possible not necessarily rare incident that has afflicted us and not for the first time.

Those of you following our story may recall we had extremely bad run of care from agency workers and ended up changing agencies as they kept dropping out when we challenged their competency. We are now on our 5th care agency and we thought we had found a half-decent agency and to an extent we were right. But this was partly due to our decision to be even more lenient and accepting of the not so great quality of care these carers provide. We accepted that we will never get the calibre of carer that would be able to meet our (alleged) high expectations and were just grateful we might got some sort of respite.

This worked OK for a while because we just accepted the not totally useless support and we tried to “train” the carers by sharing tips and tricks with them based our own expertise from being personal carers for Mum. This was quite good for the agency carers as they could easily defer to us if they felt things were too difficult and we didn’t mind since as I said before we do get some respite from their involvement.

But sometimes as can happen, complacency sets in, people start taking advantage of our leniency /generosity and can even start taking the proverbial piss. This has been happening for nearly a year now and we have tried to talk to these carers directly rather than involve their management as they like to be treated as “humans” or “adults”. Well of course to be treated as human or adult, you really should behave as such. Anyway we allowed this to go one and they would nod politely say, “Yes, we understand”, “We will do that”, “We won’t do that again” etc. All the things someone wants to hear when seeking assurance that things will improve.

But within days things would start going back to the bad old days and we just keep accepting it.

Well today, the pressure cooker lid flew off and hell broke. I am afraid, I was unable to control my emotions and instead of having an “adult” conversation I let myself raise my voice every so slightly. I felt speaking nicely and softly hasn’t worked so why not at least let my frustrations vent and let them have it. So I did. I started speaking calmly and trying to get them to acknowledge a mistake may have been made and they should try to avoid it in the future. When one of them refused to even accept this and flatly denied anything had happened, I won’t bore with details of the incident other than to say it left my Mum traumatised for 12 hours and as a result neither she nor family carers got any sleep and she even missed out on her meal as she was so stressed., my voice started to rise.

Try as I might, I just couldn’t calm down because then they had the audacity to say I was blaming them which though true, it was not how I phrased it. I know they caused the stress because Mum confirmed it. Confirmation came in the form Mum flatly refusing to acknowledge the carer who had upset her four hours earlier. I think it’s called from the horses mouth or something, but it is where it is irrefutable or undeniable.

Most people make the mistake that because Mum is non-vocal, she can’t communicate. When it comes to knowing and identifying someone who done her wrong, she has no problem. First she tells it to their face by shaking her fore finger at them and saying “I know what you just did - don’t do it again” and then she lets myself or my sister know that she has been mistreated. So these carers should know better because we’ve told them this and indeed have given them examples when they have had this “finger pointed” at them in the past. But they do forget easily because Mum is non-verbal.

Cutting to the chase, the whole care session was me and them “agreeing to disagree” but with me talking loudly. One downside of this is it really upsets my Mum i.e. if I am upset, she is even more upset. So she was getting even more stressed but I said “I’ve started so I’ll finish” and so I tried to get the message across and to reason with these carers. In the end one of this (one of the guilty party) then started to turn things onto me (an old and often used trick) and dug a deeper hole for herself.

In the end I said, we’ll just have to agree to disagree and if they want they can raise this with their boss. At this point my sister came down to intervene and I was excused from care duty!

I was surprised when later this evening, I did indeed receive a call from the agency manager expressing concern about the incident.

The rest will have to wait for another time.

I just wanted to get this down as (and I am pretty sure I have mentioned this before) agency care workers and social workers have made Mum’s life much harder than it need be.

I am sure there will be those who swear by their carers (agency) and social workers, but I am afraid I am not one of them. There was even a time when I toyed with setting up a care agency “to show how it should be done”. This hasn’t got beyond toying with the idea as I am afraid right now all I can do is work with the tools I have, mop up mess left behind, deal with other challenges that Mum poses :slight_smile:

Thankfully, as at now she is (only just) less stressed than she was 24 hours and then 12 hours ago.

Let’s hope can all have a restful night and see what tomorrow brings.

Namaste|
:pray:

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I am so sorry that you and your Mum have had such horrendous experiences. My carers were fine, but we never had to ask much of them, which helps, and soon dispensed with them. However I had some experiences in hospital with so - called trained medical staff, that were quite unforgivable, to the extent I’d rather die at home than be exposed to this level of incompetence again. So IMO it’s down to individuals and a general lack of training and common sense. I hope you manage to have useful dialogue with your Care company so that your Mother gets the consideration that she should be being given. I am so sorry you are having to go through this

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Sorry you’ve had to go through all that. We were lucky with carers for my dad however I think our experience is not the same that others have. It is one of those industries where they struggle to retain really good staff. That’s no excuse though as if they are doing the job they should do it well. I always think you should treat people as you woold want to be treated in the same circumstances.

Hope today is a better day all round.

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Thanks @Dexster
@Mrs5K - you’ve put it so eloquently Ann.
It is one of those well known issues in the healthcare sector including, problems with the NHS, Care of the Elderly, Care Homes, Agency Carers etc.

I don’t have a choice and I have to accept whatever help I can get in order to care for Mum. As I mentioned, I would dearly love to run a care agency to try and show how it’s done :slight_smile:

:pray:

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@ManjiB Have you thought about typing and printing a list, like and idiots guide to mums care for the carers? Its unbelievable what you have had to put up with. On the odd occasion you come across a really good caring carer. I wish you good luck for the future :folded_hands:

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In my case, a hinderance. Some “carers” are only interested in the money. I would also add care homes to the mix. Having been a carer myself (until recently) for 30+yrs, I am sometimes dismayed at the so-called shoddiness of their “work”. I’ve seen it with other people in my surrounding neighborhood. Some are like my mum, an immigrant for Ireland. Some of these people are friends of my mum. Some have got the same type of stroke mum has got (the one where you are paralyised down one side of your body, have slurred speech and a fragmented memory). It shocks me by the blasé attitude some workers have. When I see what I see I think “I can’t do any worse than them”. This is why agency carers get the stick they get. Although I don’t want to malign every adult agency carer, until the industry in general starts to clean up their act and work with other peoples families to sort out appropriate care, it’ll be a never ending circle of mistrust and suspicion.

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I won’t say no to something like that. As I’ve said before, I can do no worse than them. Likewise the carers in the care home. I don’t half get funny looks when I trying to keep mum comfortable. Some looks are almost disdainful. I’m use to abuse (I don’t like it though), but no like this.

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@ManjiB , I agree with @IreneFC . I wouldn’t mind an idiots guide myself. Extra information would be useful, especially for me. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Irene and @JohnnyBoy81 - have “fired” four care agencies because of the incompetence of their management and carers and the absurd views the social services took when we gave them feedback of said incompetence there is noting we haven’t tried.

I wrote instructions in detail and summary for the Care Plan which was agreed and signed off by the Council/Social services but they won’t hold care agencies to the care plan.

  • Care agency workers have never read the care plan
  • Carers do not read call instructions i.e. what they are supposed to do for each call as they do vary
  • Carers do not know history/background and hence Mum’s care needs
  • Some carers are not fluent in English and have communication problems
  • Mum is aphasiac and so for all carers this is simply something they have no idea how to deal with and we as family are Mum’s advocates to explain/communicate care needs. This is agreed and documented in the care plan, but some carers (and indeed their management) see this as family interfering. Even Mum’s dedicated social work said we should not “interfere” with the carers as they are “professionals”. It may or may not surprise you to know this social worker had climbed the career ladder from being a carer to a social worker
  • I wrote translated phonetically worded phrases in Mum’s Mother tongue that the carers were supposed to use but never did - why? Because they never read the care plan or notes. Also, I put up posters with common phrases, do’s and don’ts but to them this is something that is a decoration or such like e.g. photographs or something.

I am sorry, but only an idiot would use an idiot’s guide and agency carers are not idiots. They are calculating and they know what they are doing. In most cases they get away with it because any complaints are ignored by their management who won’t sack the carers because there is a shortage and they can’t recruit to fill the vacancies. I appreciate this might not be the best paid job and possibly not the most rewarding and this is why I say “calculating” - they are in it for the money to help pay their bills and not because they care. A caring professional carer is few and far between - they do exist, indeed I have met some but they can’t last when they are paired up with the polar opposites and in this case it is team work that is required.

There is probably not much anyone can tell me (might sound arrogant and cocky and maybe it is) but I have been doing this for over six years and seen all the stupid things that happen. I have seen documentaries in TV that share horror stories and I have got rid of many dead wood carers but even trying to work with the best of the rest, it’s something hugely frustrating and the only reason why I post on here is to share so that others who might be going through the same know they are not alone, not that this will help them, but at least it might give them some short term comfort or it might leave them tearing their hair out. We have friends who pretty much say the same thing.

Before anyone suggests (someone might) I have looked into self-managing carers and from experiences and also in talking to friends who have done this and fared no better, I can do without the additional headache and so I’ll stick with the evil I know.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

:pray:

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I am not sure what you mean JohnnyBoy.
The care guide I wrote is a personal care plan for my Mum and it details specific things that have to be done during each of the four double up calls that the agency carers cover for us.

It is not a generic guide on how to care - that would be something totally different.

But like I said, no carer has ever read this either before, during or after the time when they have cared for Mum. Instead, myself and my sister have hand held them and trained them to do some “basic” things and even that they can’t do when left unsupported or unsupervised.

From my point of view, a care guide has to be tailored to meet the cared for (“citizen’” as social services call them) needs.

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I would gather likeminded people on this issue and together contact BBC Panorama about it, they do stories on things like this and take suggestions. If enough people write in about it, they may do a story to bring it to the wider attention of the media and public. They sometimes even do undercover investigations. I always wanted to be an undercover secret agent, ever since I was a youngster.

Anyway just a suggestion.

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I’m just saying that any good advice is useful advice. It’s a shame we have to do a lot of the footwork and homework just so we can do what is best for our relatives. There are also people through out the UK who still want to care for their family members and not be left on the sidelines because some social workers use “heavy handed” ways to “do what is right for your sick relative”. The current and pervious social workers are testiment to this.

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Sorry for misunderstanding you. I’ve obviously got the wrong end of the stick.

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@Rups , good idea. It’s about time issues like this are highlighted. BBC Panorama would be a excellent way to highlight these issues. Also, it’ll great to bring these agency “carers” plus the organizations they work for to task and to name and shame them if they don’t clean up there act and to be more honest and transparent with sick relatives families. I’m sure yourself plus people like me want what is right for our families and other friends and loved ones. :sweat_smile:

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@ManjiB I was meaning an idiots guide for the care of your mum, I know no one can care for your mum as good as you, but I was meaning a guide for the carers for your expectations. Over the years I have always had this for my staff, then no one gets it wrong and if they do I can refer to the guide I wrote. I think that @JohnnyBoy81 was agreeing with me as he was thinking along the same lines. Have a great day. I feel for you and I am so sorry that stroke landed on your doorstep :folded_hands:

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@IreneFC , I do agree with you. That’s the point I’m trying to make. Any decent, sensible advice is good advice. Especially for those who need it. Just saying. :folded_hands:

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This sounds like a brilliant idea. I’m fortunate in only needing carers to give me a shower twice a week and they are all truly caring and extremely helpful. However the care company administration staff are the pits. They change the time of arrival without letting me know, so I’m siting around in my pyjamas. I don’t mind time changes but I absolutely need to know what time somebody is coming. A complaint to head office didn’t produce the required result, so In frustration I wrote a sarcastic e-mail last week and this morning I received a 4-week care plan! After reading other posts I count my luck stars I only need my shower.

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Some organizations are resorting to what I call their default position, “stone cold silence”. Some organizations don’t like it when there is criticism aimed at them.

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I’m very aware of that. I wrote a complaint letter to my fall alarm watch company early November 2025 concerning a fall in the garden when I pressed the watch alarm and said “I’m not hurt I just need help getting up”. My neighbour is 1 min away. I lay there for 7 mins getting very cold. In the end my neighbour arrived with a piece of paper saying the alarm company had called an ambulance and I should ring this number to deactivate it. When I did not receive a reply to my first letter of complaint after 15 days I sent another copy. It was returned to me unopened on 18 Feb. Their website doesn’t have a mail address so I found it on the website, but it’s obviously not correct. I guess people don’t write letters anymore!

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I am sorry to hear this Margaret @Manny38.

I am afraid, this is very much a sad fact of life. In the modern world everything is done on the smart phone (forget even the internet) - it’s all apps, apps and more apps and if you don’t have a smart phone, life can get very very difficult.

We live in the digital age and whether we like it or not we either join and accept or we simply get left behind. I can’t see anyone doing anything to change that.

I dread to think how those people who don’t have broadband (I guess it makes no difference since smart phones don’t need broadband) manage.

There’s your clue. They pretty much do business via this and if you want to contact them, you may likely have to send an e-mail or a text message or use their chat bot or whatever it’s called some of these chat bots are AI (Artificial Intelligence) and so you aren’t talking to a real person, but rather getting pre-programmed responses and you may end up going round in circles :frowning:

I hope you have recovered well from your fall and it’s nice you have a good neighbour :slight_smile:

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