Advice to help my Father caring full-time and exhausted

Hi Everyone!

Thankyou for accepting me into the community, I wasn’t sure where to go that I could post something like this online but it seems very active and supportive here :slight_smile:

My step-mother had a stroke a few years ago after having a reaction to covid - this completely flipped my dad’s life around and since then he has been caring for her full-time all day everyday.

I’m aware she has Aphasia and Dyspraxia, she has a lot of trouble communicating fluidly (apologies I’m not sure of the specific logistics of everything).
She has some mobility but is wearing a leg brace and needs help daily for showering and in the mornings but mostly she can get herself around the house on a daily basis.

She has a speech therapist, physio so she’s getting care on the level to help her improve which is great, I think it’s more just additional support that could be needed.

My reason for this post was to seek some guidance on how to go about helping my Dad, I live quite a distance away and really he needs some professional help every week to give him a breather and to know my step-mum is in good hands as well as some restbite care sometime so he can have at least a few days or a week for him to be able to do something for himself at one point.

However, he is really struggling to relinquish control over everything due to feelings of guilt and says he is waiting for her to improve as other people may not understand her needs but he seems very anxious, very tired and I can tell he’s starting to break from it all and needs help as soon as possible.

He’s also very nervous that she won’t have the correct one-on-one care he believes she needs at a restbite centre and says he hasn’t got the energy to search for one. I think he’s just very overwhelmed and also has health problems of his own to deal with as well as the housework, cooking etc. I’m sure many people here are experiencing a similar circumstance.

They live in Brighton, I’m wondering if anyone could lend me some advice as to how to help him and think more long-term for his own needs too, I’m feeling worried about the state of his mental health.

If anyone has any ideas, any recommended and reliable restbite centres within the area of Brighton & Hove, communities, meetups - private care that he can trust that would be absolutely amazing.

Thankyou so much for reading, any kind of advice would be most welcomed!


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Hi @poppyw

Welcome to the forum although I’m sorry you have had a cause to join :frowning:

There will be stroke support groups in the Brighton area that you can find from the Stroke associations map but beware it’s only stroke association groups and a lot of groups have reason not to be affiliated so unlisted but do exist.

Some groups will provide carer respite breaks.

Age UK and adult social services at the local council will both be able to advise with on the ground local information.

There is a post on benefits on the forum

and if you’re parents aren’t receiving pip and carers allowance (and are below retirement age) they should apply. The post mentions other benefits too That may help with mobility and enlisting carers.

Some of us on here run a Thursday afternoon online cafe and there is a fortnightly Friday online carers cafe and you and they are welcome at both/either

Others will be alone soon I’m sure and they will have other perspectives and advice :slight_smile:


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Hi @poppyw & welcome to the community. Simon has covered a lot of options but i’d try getting in touch with adult social services and getting a care needs assessment done. Maybe, if he finds it too hard to relinquish control of your step mums care, he might consider a cleaner instead. That would help with keeping the houae clean freeing him up a bit more time. Also, are they having food delivered rather than visiting the supermarket? I hated it initially but very glad of it now.

Adult social services may also be able to advise about respite services. Age UK often have support groups too. You could also look into day centres or similar whete your dad could maybe go for a cuppa and a chat with others. Equally GPs often have carers evrnts & provide support too. Is he registered as her carer with the GP? If not get him to do so. Maybe a neighbour / ftoendwould sit with her for a bit to give your dad an hour out. Our local council also have a volunteer service where people will do little chores for someone or juat have a chat with them. Maybe Brighton offer something similar.

If i think of anything else I’ll pop by later and mention it.

Best wishes


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