My husband had a second stroke last weekend. First one was 18 months ago and left him paralysed down his right side and has been mainly in a wheelchair but gets around in the house on a quadstick. Speech and memory affected. It has been a long and difficult 18 months with little progress. Now he’s in hospital again after a second bleed. Very, very fed up.
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So sorry to hear this @Trisha2 i am sure you’re both really fed up at the moment. I hope things start to improve for you both soon. Sending best wishes to you both xx
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Hello Trisha - I am so sorry this has happened. I know you have both been working hard and may have felt that things weren’t progressing. Sometimes it seems that way because the little improvements that happen aren’t noticeable when you are seeing them everyday. This might give you a feeling (mistakenly) that things are not progressing and so you feel bad or fed-up as you say.
If I may, I’d like to try and share my thoughts with you on this and I hope it may help you and your husband get through this difficult time.
When something like this happens, it is not nice but the way I see it, and I appreciate this might not be that helpful, but it helps me to cope and so I will say it and that is this is your body reminding you that you are trying too hard. In this case, perhaps your husband might have been pushing himself too hard or getting too stressed which may have tipped the scales and triggered the bleed.
In the end, this is no longer the most important thing. What is important is to accept what has happened and think how you might want to move forward. It is an opportunity to think what you and your husband should do next. It is a time to reflect on what has happened and what may happen next and how you would want to move forward. Perhaps you have been given some advice and information from the stroke team. Maybe they have explained how this second stroke has affected your husband and what you might expect next in terms of rehab and recovery.
I expect this is a difficult time for you both, but I feel it is a good time to think hard about next steps. I say this speaking as a carer who has been through this and knowing how sometimes what we hope for might not happen or it takes longer than we would like.
What we learned was that we had to be patient, we had to accept that we wouldn’t always get the help we needed or would have liked. There are reasons why this happens and as much as we would like to think we can manage or control these things, the harsh reality is some things are beyond our control. For example, when we reach a certain age, if something like this happens, we will not always get the same help as we might if we were ten years younger. It’s not right and it’s not fair, but it is a sad fact and for us to fight it or try to fight it is not necessarily a good thing as we should focus on what we can do and how we can make life as comfortable as possible for both us as carers and for our loved one as the stroke survivor.
This may help or it may not, but I / we had to learn to accept that there are times when we just accept what happens and soldier on as best as we can. In the end, what will happen will happen. You can think of it however you feel comfortable thinking about it, whether this is God’s will, fate, life or however you like to deal with these events that life throws at you.
I hope that your husband is getting the care and support he needs right now and I hope he will soon be out of hospital and both he and you will be able to continue life as best as you can.
Sometimes, life sucks and it’s OK to feel fed-up, but try not to allow it to get you down.
I wish you and your husband all the best.
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Very sad for you both tha you are each having to go through this. I hope your husband can come home soon, and that you are each getting the help you both need.
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I am very sorry this has happened, @Trisha2. My husband had his second stroke four weeks ago, before this he too was able to walk with a quadstick in the house. Now he is aphasic and has swallowing issues - and understandably, depression. Life really isn’t fair. I really hope your husband’s condition will improve over time. You are not alone.
Kind regards from Anna C.
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Thanks for all replies. Have been to hospital today and a Dr told him he can come home early next week. Then the physio and OT came round and said that’s not the case as he cannot stand unaided and they demonstrated getting him out of bed and into a chair. It wasn’t easy! No way could I do that on my own.
They want him to go to rehab but he doesn’t want to because last time he was there for nearly 3 months and the physio was virtually non existent and the gym was closed the whole time. He usually spent all day sitting in a wheelchair and got very low and depressed.