3 months home

My husband is coming up to a full three months at home (5 and a half months post stroke). Although he can’t stand or walk and is doubly incontinent, he is happy to be home, although bored with the armchair. We are shortly going to get a self propelled wheelchair, a powered is out of the question because he’s blind and the social services apparently don’t fancy the idea of the rest of the population being accidentally mown down.
I’m writing this because, from my experience, the days and weeks after your partners stroke are so distressing and I want to say that there can be hope. Lif3 isn’t going to be the same, but I’ve come to the conclusion that if I speak to him as I always have done and he responds as he used to we are still a couple and work out how to problem solve together. His stroke isn’t the end, just the beginning of a new start.
We are learning together at the ages of 85 and 80 (girls, I married an old man) and hope that most everyone else will find that things aren’t as dire as you first think.


hello. I am caring for my husband who had a stroke 3 months ago. he is now 1 month home but he cannot move his right side . He is 56 years old and not copying well with the stoke as his mind is active but his vision is poor and he is depressed and now on pain management and I am trying to keep him positive got out some of his cd and bought a cd player but he is not really interested . he does listen to the radio . he is completely bed bond and has recently started eating better. he is very happy to be home and did not like the hospital. we get carers but he always looks for me and then he is ok . I am hoping he starts to improve now he is eating. he has good days and some days pain is just unbearable. we are trying to cope and talk about our past holidays and our late pet dog which he does smile about . its a difficult road ahead but we doing our best to keep pushing on and I enjoy just seeing him smile and happy at little thing so for now I will take all our small win and stay positive.


Hi @Shelbo and Shani (@TrevorNaidoo)
The early months are so difficult, but now you’ve found this forum, I hope you will find comfort and support during the tough times.
We’ve all been through the trauma of either having a stroke or caring for someone who has.
Like you, I’m the latter, but three years down the line rather than a few months.
I’ve walked in your shoes, and know what you are going through, but things, hopefully, will improve.
We (@SimonInEdinburgh), laughed a lot, celebrated the small wins and found a way to cope with it all, well almost

I’m running an online carers cafe this Friday (tomorrow) at 3pm, please feel free to come along for a rant, rave, laugh, cry and get support here’s the link
Stroke Carers Cafe

Hope to see you then

Lea x


Yes, the early months are difficult, but we’ve set goals (moveable goal posts). The first was to get to the folk club Christmas Party, the second was to go out to our annual Boxing Day Morris dance out. The third was to get to the local and have a pint. Small steps and achievements, He is also practicing standing without the ReTurn, but using a rollator for support. Only for 3-4 minutes a day, but it’s instigated by him. I’m so proud of him. At 85 I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d just sat down and given up.


Wow, @Shelbo, that is brilliant, well done to you both
You are just fabulous :heart_eyes:

Lea :heart:


@Shelbo it’s great to hear that you’ve found the positives in a difficult situation. I did smile at the thought of all the pedestrians jumping out the way of him in a powered wheelchair :grin:

I’m sure your story will inspire others in a similar situation.

Best wishes



@TrevorNaidoo glad to hear your husband is eating better. That’s a positive step forward. In those early days enjoying the little things is the way to go…soon they will turn into bigger things.

Take care xx


Hi Shani, have you tried him on anything like Ensure, Complan or any other nutrient booster. You could probably even make up your own nutrient shake fresh. There are loads of recipes online you may be able to find online. One that tempts his taste buds and boost his nutrient levels burnt up from healing alongside physio which all burns them up fast. Our sense of taste can also be affected in stroke, I know mine did! It gives you absolutely no interest in food whatsoever. If swallow is an issue as mine was, that is a further deterrent to eating and drinking.

This recipe goes down easy! Which was the main reason I liked it :smile:
High carbs and protein prior to doing his physio gives him some energy…even if its only a banana or that made into a milkshake.
This recipe contains roughly about 7 grams of protein and 40 grams of carbs in one portion/glass. Ideal for any kind of workout :yum: And the protein in it is nectar to the brain, it’s food of life for it and vital to its recovery, so it’s a win win recipe :grin:

  • 1 bananas, broken into chunks
  • 1 cups milk
  • 1 tbsp. smooth peanut butter
  • 1 tablespoons honey, or to taste
    Add some hot chocolate powder if he wants it chocolatey.
    Cinnamon to taste, more banana or peanut butter if he wants it thicker.

Just mash the banana and peanut butter together to a smooth consistency.
Add the honey, give it a stir then add the milk a little at a time until you get it to a consistency of thickness you like.

The other reason I like this recipe, I don’t have to faff around with the blender and then washing it after. I’m all for making life easy when it comes to the washing up :blush:

Energy boosters like above are always good prior to exercise and workouts, even if he’s only coming to stand for a few minutes. The level of concentration and exertion it takes is the equivalent to giving him a full body workout as far as his brain is concerned in it’s current condition. So its important to replenish what he burns, you don’t want his body to go into deficit and it can waste muscle. He needs those muscles to get his legs back under him and while he’s laid up in bed they are weakening.

So the sooner he starts getting up and into a chair in the better he will feel. It will come! Slow and steady wins the race, the more he tries, the more he will eventually achieve. He’s not an old man, he’s younger than me and I’m 61. So unless he has other conditions not mentioned, I see no reason to try :wink: I take it his non stroke side is unaffected?


Yes indeed, those first months are the pits :face_with_diagonal_mouth: That’s why its good when people find the likes of this forum, it helps to know from others who have been there, that there is some form of light at the end of the tunnel :smile:

Boredom is an excellent incentive to get moving :wink: Getting cross, frustrated, impatient with himself, they too are positive incentives to keep trying and never give up . . . been there, done that :blush:

And as for getting him a self propelled wheelchair and getting him out and about calls for cellebration time :partying_face: :partying_face: :partying_face: :clap: :clap: :clap: :partying_face: :partying_face: :partying_face:
That will certainly help to keep his spirits

And that is the right attitude to have. He doesn’t need a nanny, he doesn’t need coddling, above all he needs a wife who will help him to help himself. And that’s team work :wink:


@TrevorNaidoo. I am totally shocked that the dietitian at the hospital didn’t prescribe protein supplements to help keep his weight up if he wasn’t eating. My husband was prescribed 1 sachet of Enshake a day (600 calories) and four shots of procal.
On his release from hospital we phoned the Doctor, who promptly sent 12 boxes of each and put it on repeat prescription. The community dietitian has called round and is going to continue the prescription for another three months. Do speak to your doctor about high protein supplements, It’s far easier to offer a chocolate milk shake at bed time than dreaming up meals, and the procal shots go down a treat too, a strawberry flavoured 30ml glass 4 times a day just plonked on the table by him disappears faster than the speed of light. Suggest the carers get him out of bed. Sitting in a chair/wheelchair also promoted a better frame of mind in my husband. Did the hospital not arrange for a wheelchair for him? If not get in touch with the hospital physiotherapists and find out why he wasn’t assessed?
I thought our local services were pants, but yours must be far worse.


Great sharing of experience :slight_smile:


thank you so much will try that .
he is better now with swallowing and just fussy with what he wants , i dont think he even knows so i will make and offer him.

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thanks will contact GP
he can eat some food like crackers and toast and eating some soft fruits like mango and blue berries . he is trying different thing but eats very little
thanks for all the support


Hi Shelbo
I have to say that I am so impressed, and inspired, by your attitude to your stroke journey, even in such early days.
Kind regards and richest blessings!


Thank you, but to be honest I can’t see any point in weeping and wailing. My husband has to come first. It’s not his fault he had a stroke, so now my job is to make sure that we make the best of what we have. Mind you I’m a bit worried about trying to get him in our camper to get to hospital in the morning. Hospital is 5 minutes away by car, and we’re going to leave the house an hour earlier in case we can’t get him in and out of the van first time round. I shoul probably get someone to video the performance to get a laugh.


Hope the hospital appointment went ok & it wasn’t too difficult getting him in the van.

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The hospital visit went fine, but getting into the van was a farce. We got a taxi in the end. I was right about the video.


We expecting a video next time then :slight_smile:

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Hi @EmeraldEyes - this is terrific advice. Thank you for sharing.

@EmeraldEyes - I wonder if you might be able to help. How did you get your taste buds going after the stroke.
I am a carer and my Mum simply refuses to take any food or drink that is offered to her. Reading your response to @TrevorNaidoo , it seems you have first hand experience of overcoming this hurdle i.e. when you have no interest whatsoever in food and drink. Mum seems to be stuck at this place and there seems to be nothing we can do. SaLT therapists haven’t been any help as they say if she is refusing there is nothing they can do.
Mum has been nil-by-mouth ever since she had the stroke and we are coming up to 5 years now whereby she has existed on fluids and liquid food (ensure plus/fibre) via a PEG tube. The problem is the PEG tube is now becoming a problem (buried bumper) and the PEG site is always oozing some fluid.
We really would love to be able to remove the PEG tube reliance.
Thanks in anticipation.

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@Shelbo , is hospital transfer service not available to you to take your husband to his appointments? It might be easier than you trying to do it all by yourself?