Hi All, I had a cerebral stroke on 6 April in the middle of the night, I woke up and felt like I was observing myself being violently slam dunked by my own body all over my bedroom. The nursing staff and the aides were fantastic but any questions were always met with ‘speak to the doctors’. Timing made that difficult as it was Easter long weekend immediately followed by the doctor’s strike, in fact I spoke to 3 doctors in 12 days.
I’m beyond lucky that I have come out of this with no visible injuries. My emotions are out of control, I keep veering to the right and walking into things, I hear constant white noise mingled with my pulse in both ears and I have bad headaches. The stroke team are visiting me every few days, and I know others are much, much worse off than I am, but wow, getting straight answers to questions seems to be too much to ask.
I’ve read pretty much every post on this forum and have learnt a lot of what I needed to know from you people, so I want to say thank you to everyone who has shared their stories and tips, you’re awesome and I wish you well!!
I attended a big family event this afternoon and I am absolutely shattered and must sleep… the scariest thing of all for me is not knowing if I’ll wake up like on that horrible night, if at all.
@Lara thank you for the thanks. This is a great place for advice & support isn’t it. I too learnt so much from reading all the posts on here & am very grateful to everyone as well.
It sounds like you are doing very well as it is still extremely early days for you. I’m not surprised you’re feeling anxious about sleeping given you had a stroke in the night. As time moves forward that should ease. I assume you are on meds now to help prevent another stroke & as long as you look after your diet & exercise as well as you can you are doing everything within your control to lower any risk.
Well done on attending the family event today. I still find them exhausting 17 months on.
Sending you my very best wishes.
Ann xx
Thank you Ann, you’re lovely! xx
They must be the posts you missed or you would have known about that 
I’m only pulling your leg 
Little tip for you when walk in the streets, keep the kerb to the left of you so you don’t veer out into the road. I had the same problem and the first time or two I veered a little too far to the right 'til my hubby pulled me back before I went out into traffic. After that he started walking on my right side to avoid that. Took me about 9mths to walk steadily in a straight line. I will come right for you in time
That could very well be the anxiety and stress from your stroke. It will settle down as you come to terms with it and start to relax more. Night time will be when I all sounds more magnified; if you find you can’t sleep, find a distraction or maybe have some calm soothing music in the background.
It is a frightening time but chances are, now that you are correctly medicated, this won’t happen again 
Night time is the worst time for worrying as you are left alone with your thoughts. Another good reason to distract yourself as you wait for sleep to come, maybe do as I do, and tell yourself stories. Works for me anyway
I know you only came on to thank all the fellow stroke survivors but I just couldn’t resist give a few tips and to second what the others have already said 
And we are all more than happy to share what the medical professionals all fail to share.
You take care now 
It was my eldest’s 30th 
I have massively let my children down as far as looking after my grandbabies is concerned… my children have been forced to cancel major events and basically rearrange their whole lives because I can’t be trusted to stay conscious whilst minding the little ones… my kids insist it’s OK and not an issue but I know precisely how difficult the consequences of this stroke are for them. Not to mention the huge shock they had, as well as now having to drive me around. I am/was self employed, I’ve had to cancel wedding contracts and have basically lost my business. I can scream myself blue with frustration and uselessness but it’s not going to help… wearing a mask and bottling it up doesn’t help either tho. Oh my days.
I live alone, the lady from the stroke team walks with me, I hate being vulnerable and tend to be full of bravado… so she walked me down a narrow alley to prove to me that I am still veering, and yes, I hit the wall several times.
Sleeplessness is also an issue, I trust you are right when you say this ear thing will settle down because it’s vastly irritating.
I take comfort from that video you posted of the brain cells growing and reconnecting, I’m trying to visualise it to make it happen faster!
Tomorrow morning the stroke psychotherapist is due… I’ll give him a shot but I reckon you lovely folk on this forum will get me to a more accepting head space. xx
I 'm not sure how to tag you guys but thank you again EmeraldEyes and Mahoney and Mrs5K
Think you need a few more hugs 
You have NOT let your children down!
Your children must be so relieved that they are not having to cancel major events in order to attend your funeral! And if you were my mother, I wouldn’t take to kindly to you thinking so little of me for having such thoughts and feelings. You’ve been there for them and taken care of them all their lives…and now their children. So please allow them to show you how much they care for you by letting them do these things for you…it’s only fair.
A lot of what you are feeling at the moment is shock from the trauma, time will heal that too. You are barely a month into your recovery, the first 6 months are the most crucial for regaining what you’ve lost. It’s good that you can blow off steam here and get things off your chest without the thought of upsetting anyone or damaging relations. It’s also good for your recovery; hopefully you’ll feel much better in the morning for it…until the next time it may build up.
I’ve had Tinnitus since I was around 6yrs, same white noise in both ears. There’s nothing to done for that, I just live with it and only hear it when I want to. Or when I’m ill or stressed; that’s when it gets its loudest and I always heed that warning.
But your white noise is only temporary and the sooner you calm down and relax into your recovery, the sooner it will diminish. Stroke recovery is the same as recovery from any major trauma, it takes 6mths to a year. Your brain needs to heal, repair, establish some new links to reroute brain signals, and to relearn. You say you have grandchildren, liken yourself to their first year or two of growth…learning to walk and talk…that’s what your brain is having you do all over again and may take as long.
I’m glad you liked it, those links were from my daughter, she’s studying psychology and counselling at uni. It’s been over 2yrs since my TIA (stroke); she helped me an awful lot in the beginning, explained exactly what was going on in my head, what bits were affected by the stroke. Basically, she got to answer all the questions I couldn’t ask in hospital because I couldn’t speak, write, communicate in any way. Now that was a frustratingly frightening experience I never want to go through again. It was during the covid lockdowns so no visitors, had no smart phone, or anything, not that I could have used one.
Now I am virtually back to normal, yes there are a few quirks or kinks I still want to iron out, but if I wasn’t retired, I’d see no reason why I couldn’t go back to work even a year ago. I drive, I workout at the gym, I joined a few walking groups and even take my mother-in-law to a strength & balance once a week.
From what you’ve said of yourself, I see no reason why you couldn’t get back working again once you’ve recovered enough. Try to stay positive and focus on your rehabilitations for your brain’s sake, and give it plenty of rest because that’s when it does all it’s best work 
And if you’ve got questions, just ask them on here, that’s what we are all here for. It’s why I’m here, to answer the questions I never got to ask in the beginning
PS, to tag people just the ‘@’ symbol before the name…with no spaces.
PPS I tend to write a lot 
Sorry 
@EmeraldEyes Whoosh, mind blown… but in a good way! 
Your post made me feel so much better that I slept 5 hours straight, you are a miracle worker and those in my environment who won’t get their heads bitten off today also owe you one!
Seriously, how is it that one lovely stranger on the internet is able to connect to me and make total sense, lighten my feelings of dread and show me there really is light at the end of the tunnel… while the professionals say things like ‘are you eating well hmmm’ in a patronising baby voice?!
I feel so much better today, I’ll try to take it a step at a time but I literally feel like dancing! Thank you thank you you amazing lady! xx
@EmeraldEyes and biggest to you for the horrific time you went through, seriously tough lady! Respect.
Hi Lara I smiled you saying slam dunked around your bedroom . This is what it felt like to me I remember bring in our en-suite on the floor then falling in the bedroom god knows how I moved myself . Bruised all over and carpet burns . I’ve been home just over a year and worry if I go in the en-suite or bedroom it’s gonna happen again … the worry gradually eases so sleep and rest whenever u need it best wishes take care xx
@Lara i recently purchased some loop engage earplugs. They are to help with noisy environments (a bit like the family event you attended). They tone down the noise rather than block it out. May be worth considering if you are going to attend other events. I have a high pitched ringing in my ears & also a buzz like a badly tuned radio along with very sensitive hearing. I did haveca whooshing in my ear in time to my pulse but that has now settled. I downloaded an app (ReSound GN) that can play soothing noises which helps with the tinnitus. I was advised not to wear the earplugs often as it can nake the tinnitus worse longterm.
Please don’t ever feel like you’re letting anyone down. I am 100% sure they’d rather have you as you are than not have you at all. I used to have to take my dad everywhere when he was very poorly & i never once felt like he was a nuisance…more like I felt privileged to be able to do it. Although of course i would have preferred he was well.
Hope your psychotherapist appointment goes well.
To tag people just put @ in front of their name.
Take care.
Ann xx
@Lara when you get discharged you never know what’s next for you, this seems to be a common issue on here. I too have learnt more on here than I have from stroke doctors. I have not managed to attend a family gathering yet, as large groups makes it hard for me to concentrate on what people are saying and cannot block out other noises, it looks to others on the outside that I’m not listening. the usual response is when your aunt had her stroke 20 years ago she never had that problem. I now don’t go to them and I’m not expected too unless I won’t to go. good luck in your recovery
And thank you You are certainly sounding more euphoric today, it is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride in the beginning too, but that will all calm down over the next few weeks.
Recover can feel a bit like wading through molasses, there will be times you feel you are getting no further forward. I don’t know that the brain does recovery in any particular order, you learn to just expect it when it arrives in some cases…when you least expect it 
There are many more on here who’ve had it far worse, you and I have gotten off lightly this time, it’s. Prevention is 9/10ths of the cure, the medical profession have patched us up as best they can, so to speak, now the rest is down to us…the real hard work. Eat well, exercise, eventually sleep well and stop worrying about what could happen in the future. Yes, there really is light at the end of this tunnel, so start relaxing now.
The professionals are good at what they can do, I can’t fault them on that. But if they can’t fix you with medications, operations or diet and exercise then they’re stuffed. The brain is still a big mystery to them, strokes are still a mystery even despite what they do know. Personally I think all “stroke experts” should be made to come on here for a year here as part of their training before they can be called qualified experts
Don’t look back, don’t ever look back, look forward to a bright new future instead