my partner had a stroke 24 weeks ago.and our son isn’t very nice to me. feels like it’s my fault…
I understand my son’s been through alot too.
Hes only 10
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@Clairekirby1990 , don’t blame yourself. A stroke is a cruel thing. Sorry to hear your son is going through a tough time. I’ve been in a similar position but for different reasons. As time goes on, I think your son will start to understand what you and your partner is going through. I hope you have family and friends near by. If so, ask them to assist you. There are child councilors how could help you. Ask stroke.org.uk for advice. Also, carersuk.org can also give advice. Also, try to apply for respite care. Ask your local council for advice.
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Thank you so much for all of this advice. My parters not doing too bad. Hes just dealing with aphasia atm x
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@Clairekirby1990 ,how are you? Like I said, don’t blame yourself. Good to hear your partner is OK.
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@Clairekirby1990 Is your partner your sons Dad? Your son needs help or this will affect him long-term. Does he has a grandmother he can talk to? Does he have siblings? Stroke is the most awful thing to happen to anyone. I wish you and your family well 
You son will be completely confused s he is only a child Good luck 
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Yes my partner is the dad.
Unfortunately he is an only child
He can talk to my parents
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Thank you
Im ok im managing
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@Clairekirby1990 , good to hear. Like @IreneFC said, see if your mum can talk to your son. Maybe she’ll be more successful in helping him get to grip with his feelings.
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Thank you. I will do. 
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Hi @Clairekirby1990 and welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear about your partner’s stroke. Unfortunately your son is too young is too young to understand how strokes happen, and normally mums and dads can fix everything. Naturally he’d blame you; if it was you who had the stroke he’d blame dad. It’s actually part of the grieving process and right now he’s just desperate for you to fix this.
As @JohnnyBoy81 has suggested, contact the Stroke Support Helpline:0303 3033 100
as they will be able to support you or talk to your gp as they might be able to help with a little counselling but do keep an eye on him, that it doesn’t develop into anything more serious.
The Five Stages of Grief
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Denial: A defence mechanism that buffers the immediate shock, causing numbness or disbelief (“This can’t be happening”).
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Anger: As reality sets in, frustration and pain surface, often directed at oneself, others, or a higher power.
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Bargaining: An attempt to regain control or reverse the loss through “if only” statements and negotiations.
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Depression: A deep sense of sadness, loss, and loneliness, which is a normal, rather than clinical, response to loss.
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Acceptance: Reaching a point of acknowledging the new reality, not necessarily being “okay” with it, but learning to live with it.
Get your son involved involved with his dad’s speech therapy, with making him better. Participation gives him a purpose, that he’s not just been left on the side lines feeling helpless. He needs to be included, involved, given a purpose. Maybe he could plan out some simple reading and speech exercises for his dad, he can use his schooling experience for that. This can divert his anger into something else.
Lorraine
https://www.stroke.org.uk/stroke/effects/aphasia/communication-tools
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@Clairekirby1990 , @EmeraldEyes is right. I’m going through a poor time myself. It’s been a mad few weeks. Your son will go through what I call “dips and valleys” emotionally. Because that is what is happening to me at the moment. Especially sadness and anger. Asking your son to help with your partner’s speech therapy could be a great way to get a grip on what is going on. Speech wise, mine is bad after several pints. (Joke) 
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Just as your coping strategy is with the continued support your provide on here, which is much appreciated by everyone
Lorraine
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@EmeraldEyes ,thank you. I’m just making sure her son will be OK. Because, mentally and physically, I’m not to good. It’s not easy lifting the weight off my shoulders at the moment. 
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Give yourself time. You are grieving & the last weeks / months before your mum passed weren’t as you wanted them to be and you are probably a little angry about that.
Time is a great healer but you need to take that time & deal with your grief.
Best wishes.
Ann
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@Clairekirby1990 you have had some excellent advice from @EmeraldEyes. Your son will be grieving at the minute. I am sure you are finding it difficult so imagine how your son must be feeling as he is still very young & will feel like he has lost the dad he knew.
Tell him his dad is still there & he will start to improve slowly. He will perhaps feel better if he is included in helping his recovery. I wonder if he feels a bit “left out” because you will probably doing more for your partner than previously and he might see that as you not having time for him. That doesn’t mean that is what you are doing hut he might view it thay way. Perhaps you could build in some mum & son time…take him for his favourite takeaway or something.
Wishing you all the best.
Ann
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Hello Claire - nice to meet you.
This is tricky as I don’t know you and the exact circumstances you are in. Without knowing your son I can’t begin to think how he feels or what might be going through his mind.
Has he been offered some support after his Dad had the stroke? What does he understand about what is happening?
Also, have you had someone talk to you? You have a lot on your plate and it can’t be easy and then to have to deal with a child who may be confused or angry?
Is is Dad able to talk to him? Can the three of you sit down together and talk about what is happening?
As I said it is difficult for me to suggest things as I just don’t know the nature of your relationships i.e. you, your husband/partner and your son. Relationship dynamics can come into play and it might be tricky if a child is involved who may not have the maturity to grasp the situation.
I really feel you should try to seek some counselling for yourself and your son.
These are just my thoughts and I appreciate they may be not consistent with your way of thinking.
I wish you, your husband and son happier times 
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Thank you so much for these words. Its definitely hard for our son. Im sure he will be fine
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Thank you. I defo feel like we need some time alone together
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You don’t say how old your son is but Different Strokes charity have materials available to help children whose parent has had a stroke https://differentstrokes.co.uk/what-we-do/family-support/
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@Mrs5K , anger is only the start. I haven’t been able to grieve since mum died. No one from the funeral people to the local authorities haven’t given me time to breathe, let alone mourn. Right now, I want to scream!
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