I feel so vulnerable and scared after my stroke 4 months ago !! Hate not being able to walk yet and totally dependent on my husband!!

Jane, I think that is what we all feel in the first few months of recovery. As independent adults we hate being dependent on anyone. Please bear in mind that things will change and your life will improve. When I began walking it was with a frame. At first Inwas too scared to go outside, so the first thing I had to do was just stand outside for a few minutes then come back in. Next I walked to the end of the drive and back. Then it was the challenge of walking to the drive of the house next door and back again. I then added a house a day and after 12 days I could get to the end of the road and back. All this was hesitant, totters and fearful, but I did it. I then went round the corner a little and back.

Five years on, I have a stick and can walk round the block, but although we live close to the town centre, there is no way I can walk there and back and probably never will. My first trip to a supermarket terrified me and I cannot carry a basket so my partner has to deal with wheeling the trolley and reaching for things and picking up heavy items. I wear a shoulder bag round me and can pick up smaller items and transfer them to the trolley. In my early days I was a bit forgetful and inadvertently shoplifted items like cooked ham or jars of spice......

What I am really saying is feel the fear but try to do it anyway. Stroke demands that we draw in all the resources that have seen us through life so far and it is surprising how we survivors can adapt ourselves to our new circumstances. In the beginning I had a few falls, broke things and once sat on my evening meal. I swear, I get frustrated,I get angry, but I carry on. Things will improve and, over time,nyou will get some independenceĀ back. I try not to let people help me if possible. On one of my early days out I was waiting for my partner and an old acquaintance appeared and wanted to help me over the road. I had to say firmly that I had no need to cross the road and was staying put. Oh the trials of a stroke survivor!

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I know exactly what you mean as I've been there too. You will get there. It's hard work and it takes time but you can do this. In the meantime take the help offered by your husband and tell him how much you appreciate the things he does for you and thank him for it. Never assume he knows.


As you improve you can start to explore and challenge your capabilities and you can involve him in that too by discussing what you would like to try and how you will do it. It'll make him feel involved and understand how you will approach activities and understand how you will do things and keep yourself safe.Ā 

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Lovely upbeat reply thanksĀ 

I've act told him he's wonderful already Ttold him this morning !!

Brilliant. Just a few words can make all the difference. Assertiveness skills at their best!!! Love it.

Yes, this is tough, six months on and I still feel dependent to a degree on my wife, but I say to myself, the most important thing is recovering because I'll get better and will be able to support her! We all have to look after each other to some degree through-out life, sometimes it will be more, at other times less, it's an ongoing journey. Having said that, yes, I feel guilty sometimes if I spend a week almost entirely bedridden, but what's a week in a twenty years, or a year in twenty years? Almost nothing in the sense of time but a very big something in the sense of a challenge.Ā