I Sent you a PM Elle
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Hi Matthew,
firstly thinking about your mother : I spent the whole of my third month post stroke (january) screaming and shouting and wanting to die all the time. I felt awful was the main reason. That’s almost completely over now. Maybe i could not come to terms with the losses i faced. I would no longer be able to play my violin ( i was trained and that was my profession and purpose in life ) then i couldn’t paint , couldn’t goto backgammon club, couldn’t even take a photo , photography having summer job status. Your mum was a different person with different values etc. what I’m saying is that the cruely of a stroke can be so considerable… that mentally it’s not so easy to overcome. I am not totally in the clear, myself.
I’ve known him for 15 years. It’s an interesting story how i found him. Basically some chinese pupils did some research & said all their friends, and the chinese doctors even went to him. I sent my wife first ; she had a bad back… always had a weakness there, but anyway he has looked after us and cured us from many an illness. Once I had an illness that modern medicine coulndn’t help me with one bit. He cured me. it’s a long, fascinating story.
I’m starting to get curious about your curiosity. You never suffered a stroke, right ?
It’s absolutely fine ; I’m just wondering what drives you, Matthew ?
If you had witnessed my arm remapping, you would have understood. I’m sorry that my account of it is so unclear ; in real life it was a synthesis of simplicity and what looked like magic (only it wasn’t magic)
speak soon, ciao, Roland
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hi Mark,
i also rate my arm 90% mobility 50% or less in strength and 10% feeling.
Very similar stats to yours i seems. You’re possibly 10% further on with feeling
I still haven’t completed prprioception fully… at night in the dark, i don’t know where my hand is.
I started practicing the piano (my 2nd instrument) yesterday… but alas I can’t feel the keys, they are so smooth.
Good luck to our arms ! thx for sharing, ciao, Roland
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No, I never had a stroke, but I lived with someone who did. It changed my life profoundly.
What drives me is that fact that my mother couldn’t recover from her stroke, and it angers me every single day. I couldn’t understand how she could recover so well physically (almost completely), but her mental state was so ungodly terrible. I couldn’t do one single thing that made her calmer or happier. To this day, I don’t know how my father and I made it through taking care of her. It messed her mind up so badly. What killed her was her apathy.
To answer your question: it makes me feel connected to her when I see others getting better from something she couldn’t. That’s my motivation. I guess it’s a bit selfish, but I do genuinely want you to get better and better.
Take good care,
Matthew
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I wouldn’t consider myself any better in any way than your mother. Her stroke may have affected her amygdala or other parts of the brain that compromised her emotional stability. I feel fragile now, though I am gaining strength by the minute… i never used to feel vulnerable and insecure before my stroke.
You talk about feeling connected to her. I have lost both parents, for some years now, yet I will never feel a disconnect from either. Why shouldn’t we feel a connection? ; it must be a good thing. The apathy you talk about may be something that manifested well before her stroke. I had a couple of issues that surfaced after the stroke, but were initiated years before.
Speak soon. thx for sharing, ciao, Roland
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My brain was having a day off yesterday so I couldn’t have coped with this post, there was just too much to it. I am so glad I could come back to it today because I had a perpetual smile on my face watching your videos as you steadily progress. You have a way about you that makes me smile and I loved your interactions with everyone, your sense of humour. But most of all I just loved seeing your progress. They were fascinating to watch and to see your reactions. They also brought back so many of my own memories of my time in hospital and I envied you your ability to speak. I wanted to ask so many questions back then but couldn’t.
You’ve come a long way and I’m looking forward to hearing you play the piano. 
“It’s mind over matter” and “engage the brain” my two constant mantras since my stroke 
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That’s very gracious and encouraging, Thank you so much, Emerald
I hope you’re doing well
You’re (everyone here) is welcome to watch all clips here:
Photos in rehab here:
Photos in hospital here:
I’m not sure I like to look to much / brings back difficult memories
ciao, ciao, Roland
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My mother’s stroke was in the front left part of her brain. So, could that have still affected her amygdala? I would have never thought that. That would make sense as to why her emotional state was so out of balance. But, again, she did have emotional issues before the stroke, such as super high anxiety, etc. (maybe some apathy?). They told us that your negative traits before a stroke can get amplified X 10 after a stroke. My mother kept some things to herself in the last few years. My father knew that she was going downhill emotionally in her late 60s. We don’t know why. The stroke just brought everything out X 10. Who knows!?
Do you meet with your Chinese doctor this week? Or do you do the exercises on your own?
Yes, I went and moved my hips tonight. I did hip rotation for almost 30 minutes whilst sitting in lotus position. It was fabulous. I felt so light and refreshed afterwards.
Take care and talk soon,
Matthew
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I was sincerly impressed by the doctor commanding you to do things, then you doing them. My brain had to tell my mouth to tell my brain to do everything I have relearned. I still have to have my mouth tell my brain to make the tremors stop, or to take the first few steps toward where I am moving, or how to find the icon for my telephone and how to make a call…
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I’m no expert, but could your mother perhaps have had Alzheimer’s; could she have been in the early stages of it prior to the stroke?
almost half of all people with Alzheimer’s have evidence of strokes in their brains .
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No, the doctors said she had no signs of any kind of dementia. They said it was just the stroke, and possible PTSD. Her memory and speech were excellent. They did all kinds of scans of her brain. But, you never know. I know people can get vascular dementia from strokes, although they ruled that out from the get-go. Who knows?
Thank you for asking, EmeraldEyes, and feel free to ask me any questions about my mother, etc. I am trying to get to the bottom of it, but I don’t think I ever will. It was just the stroke and her weak personality before it all, on top of the PTSD she got from the trauma.
Please take care.
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“No short cut”, “No cheating allowed” 
I loved it, you make an adorable patient and you got an adorable wife, I bet they were sorry to see you go
When you are ready, you should watch them and see just how far you have come, how much you have achieved and regained. It’s something to be proud of, there is so much life left inside you yet to be lived and enjoyed and celebrated and you are beating this. Don’t you ever give up . . . because I want to hear you play the violin again, never mind the piano
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I see Matthew,
I’m prob. very inaccurate with the amygdala, was a wild guess. Yes, I think a stroke forces one to re-evaluate everything. I had a few sore issues resurface, and it must have tipped the balance. Issues magnified x10 sounds about right.
I meet my chinese dr. Wednesday evening. He does acupuncture on me. He addresses many things, and in the first 6 months he would always strengthen my spine because I always slept in my left side… now I sleep equally on both sides.
I did some Qigong leg swinging yesterday, and hip movements - I’ll definitely repeat them today. Good luck, have a nice day, Roland
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Thank you so much Emerald,
I appreciate the encouraging words. Yes I have a lot to live for, you’re right, and a lot to work at. My life has purpose!!!
All your kind words appreciated.
Wishing you well, right back, thx
Roland
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Hi DeAnn,
I thought I was repeating the orders straight after him ( like the XO in a submarine echoing his commander ) but no ; just his voice. But I felt it could have been my voice ; anyway I endorsed the commands, and echoed the intent… I honestly haven’t thought much about the remapping since it happened, so I have a few details slightly inaccurate… my wife corrects me if so.
I think verbalizing is excellent
speak soon, Good luck, Roland
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I remember my aphasia in the first week. Sometimes I would say things, and I could hear they didn’t make much sense, and visitors could not understand me half the time. The shorter my phrase, the more chance people understood me. If I said something incomprehensible, I would try again from a different angle. Usually it would go better the 2nd or 3rd time. When I was having my stroke I could only speak 3 words ; equinox / born fighter.
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Hi I am mesmerised reading of your recovery. Does your Chinese dr have a website ? Where are you based ? I would be interested to find out if there’s anything similar available in my area (Kent).
Thank you for sharing. A truly amazing recovery.
Keep on keeping on
Regards Sue
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It’s interesting to look at your spreadsheet of photographic memories, I look at them and my mirror neurones flicker. Diolch yn fawr for sharing. 
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Hi Sue,
I can send you a webpage on him in a PM if you like, but he lives and works here in Bristol. Remember the remapping was done 10 days after my stroke. It cannot be done after a month. There are other thingsto be getting on with, 11 months after my stroke…
how long ago was your stroke ?
Thanks for following, ciao, Roland
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@pando Roland, thanks for one of the most fascinating threads I’ve read on the site or in fact, “anywhere” on stroke rehabilitation. Watching you move your hand brought a tear to the eye.
What a treat to actually see you. I don’t have a Chinese Doc. but I think I get the concept of mind over matter and that perhaps we can all learn to be absolutely focused and commanding of each of our exercise movements or everyday occupational therapy movements. There is an exercise strength regimen called super slow training which may work in tandem with your concept. I’d like to think this may help with spasticity. I’m going to experiment. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Your doctor is amazing and so are you. Keep at it my friend.
Derek
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