That looks like my desk 
The Dead Duck
A woman brings a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon.
As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope on the bird’s chest and listens carefully.
A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.“
The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry.
“Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes.
“Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.“
“But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.”
The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room.
A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever.
As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.
The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room.
A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room.
The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.“
The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150.
“$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity
The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.“
Emm put a smile on my face too! @axnr911 
That’s great! 
I asked Maud how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story…
"Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman’s life.
Tragically, I’ve never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I’ll never forget how supportive my Norman was.
Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, “Be positive, be positive!”
That was my Norman! Always thinking of others."
Tee hee that was a good one.
A woman, frustrated because her husband was late coming home from golf yet again, decided to leave a note that read, “I’ve had enough. I’m leaving you. Don’t try to find me.”
She then hid under the bed to watch his reaction.
Soon after, her husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen before he made his way into the bedroom.
She watched as he walked over to the dresser, picked up the note, and read it.
After a moment, he scribbled something on the note, then picked up the phone and called someone.
“She’s finally gone. Yeah, it’s about time. I’m on my way. Wear that sexy French nightie. I love you. Can’t wait to see you. We’ll do all the naughty things you like.” He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left.
As she heard the car drive away, she crawled out from under the bed, furious and heartbroken. With trembling hands, she picked up the note to see what he had written.
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread; be back in five minutes.”
Hope this joke brings a smile to your face! Have a great day!
that’s really funny
Funny!
The Story of Creation as told by Dog
On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy, and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.
